Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Delta flights would connect through Atlanta. The Charlotte airport is actually pretty nice to connect through, certainly better than ATL. Driving to Raleigh is probably you best overall bet...both Delta and United have direct flights to Newark.
Thanks for info! Agree would rather connect in Charlotte over Atlanta
I have heard this same complaint from people. Honestly I think people can't fit it into the budget! They're paying through the nose for everything up there and can't add trips to see relatives even when they live in vacation destinations.
I think it's hard to gauge how this will go for anyone, the only possible bright spot is that I've heard time and again "so and so will NEVER move here" and it happens all the time. So, it may be possible that the OP's family will come to live here someday.
OP's other option is to wait until actual retirement and live in a retirement friendly state that's closer to NJ (like Delaware).
Exactly, when you are paying 7-12K a year or more in real estate taxes depending on where you live, on top of mortgage doesn't leave room for much unless you are wealthy.
Exactly, when you are paying 7-12K a year or more in real estate taxes depending on where you live, on top of mortgage doesn't leave room for much unless you are wealthy.
It's one of the reasons we moved here LOL....my sister moved here, my parents moved here and then my other sister moved here!
BTW just wanted to throw this out there....we went up to LI once and it was way cheaper to fly into Philly and rent a car....so I know Philly isn't close to northern NJ but sometimes it can be cost effective. Also, Frontier flies into Trenton and my sister uses them a lot.
It's one of the reasons we moved here LOL....my sister moved here, my parents moved here and then my other sister moved here!
BTW just wanted to throw this out there....we went up to LI once and it was way cheaper to fly into Philly and rent a car....so I know Philly isn't close to northern NJ but sometimes it can be cost effective. Also, Frontier flies into Trenton and my sister uses them a lot.
From which airport in NC? I know I can get train from Trenton to Newark
I think it's crazy to expect people to come visit you when you move far away. We're very lucky that our parents come and visit a couple times a year. We go back a couple times a year as well, so we usually see them 4-5 times a year or so, which is great.
Not a single one of my friends has even hinted at wanting to come visit. It would be cool if they came at least once to see where we live and what it's all about, but I can't say I really blame them. It's a big deal, especially if there's kids involved, to pack up and spend all that money.
Location: Chapel Hill, NC, formerly NoVA and Phila
9,775 posts, read 15,776,851 times
Reputation: 10880
Like others, we are not in the exact situation, but similar enough that I can share my experiences, which aren't too different from what the others have said. I will sum it up in two points.
1. Distance matters
My whole family (parents, siblings and their families) are in the Phila. region (well in the last few years one niece and nephew are in Baltimore and NYC, respectively). I lived 2 1/2 - 3 hours away from them for 20+ years. Since the distance was fairly short, it was pretty easy to visit them on not only major holidays but some minor ones too. Family beach vacation? Check. Baby naming? Check. Nephew's 1st birthday? Check. Hanukkah gathering? Check. Niece's high school graduation party? Check.
Did we make every event and family gathering that we wanted to go to? No. We were still some distance away and conflicts, of course, arose. Dinners for my brother's random 43rd birthday missed, Lunch for my niece's Sweet 16, missed. However, I'd say we went to about 65-75% of what we wanted to attend.
Fast forward to about 5 years ago and we moved to NC. These are following events we make it to each year: Family beach vacation, Thanksgiving, random week in the summer. That is it! And one time we all had the flu over Thanksgiving, so that didn't even happen. We go up 3 times per year. It is nearly impossible to visit for the weekend unless we fly. And that is prohibitively expensive for a family of 5 (plus I hate flying). So it just doesn't happen. Family events we make it to? 20%?
As far as family coming to visit us? My parents are retired and make a big effort to visit us. Since they are snowbirds in Florida each year, and they drive down, they stop on their way down and their way back, which is fairly convenient. And they try to visit one or two other times per year. Since my dad just turned 80, I honestly don't know how much longer that will happen.
As far as the rest of my family visiting? Everyone came for my daughter's Bat Mitzvah two years ago, and they will, God willing, come again next year for my other daughter's Bat Mitzvah. So basically only big life-cycle events. Other that that, my brother flew here once because he had frequent flyer miles that were going to expire, my sister hitched a ride with my parents once to see our new home, and my niece and her band once called at 10 PM and said they were about two hours away on one of their "tours" and could they crash in our camper for the night? That's it! No one in my family is moving here. No one in my family wants to move here. So we miss out on many life events and impromptu gatherings. Does it suck? Why yes it does.
2. Location Matters (Less important but not to be ruled out)
While many people think the Raleigh area is the greatest thing since sliced bread, others don't feel that way. In fact, for many people, Raleigh is not even on their radar. It's not a touristy place. It's not a winter getaway place. It's not a summer getaway place. And it's not a big city that friends and family always find themselves passing through. Since living here, I've had three friends come visit because they happened to be in the area: one because her son was looking at colleges, another because she had a good friend she was visiting nearby, and the third because her husband is a Duke graduate who came for some event. Several have visited because they want to see us, but few just happen to be passing through.
Compare that to living in DC where my sis-in-law would often find herself visiting for conferences, one of my NJ friends was there yearly for some soccer conferences, one of my PA friends was there for some Jewish conference, another PA friend was in nearby Baltimore, my nieces were visiting on class trips, etc. The list goes on. Nearly everyone on the East Coast finds them passing through DC for some reason or another.
Or compare that to Florida where many people retire. They often get way too many visitors (the typical, "I didn't know how many friends I had until I bought a beach house/moved to Florida/bought a boat" type of thing). My parents always have friends and family visiting them in Florida. My friend who lives there says the same thing. Florida is a place many people want to visit, so if grandparents are there, families go. We go each year for about 2 weeks over Christmas break (we stay in a hotel, so it's not for a free vacation). Would we go visit my parents for two weeks if they lived in NC and we lived up North? Hell no! We'd maybe visit for a few days and then go to Florida for the rest of the time!
tl;dr You'll probably get visitors at first to see your new place and then maybe a son or daughter will make a yearly visit. But several visits per year on a regular basis? Probably not. You will miss out on many family events such as high school graduations, 5th birthday parties, anniversary dinners, and other goings on up in NJ unless you go up there. And the drive is long (allow a full day for there and a full day back) or the flight/rental car if necessary gets expensive. Only you can decide if it's worth it.
I think it's crazy to expect people to come visit you when you move far away. We're very lucky that our parents come and visit a couple times a year. We go back a couple times a year as well, so we usually see them 4-5 times a year or so, which is great.
Not a single one of my friends has even hinted at wanting to come visit. It would be cool if they came at least once to see where we live and what it's all about, but I can't say I really blame them. It's a big deal, especially if there's kids involved, to pack up and spend all that money.
Agree, we shouldn't "expect" people to come visit us, and we don't we just thought they might like a free place to stay and see Charleston too (and of course us).
But it works both ways. Friends and family (mostly family) shouldn't "expect" that we can fly home on a whim for multiple events throughout the year when we are retired and living on a fixed income and have a dog at home, or that if we do fly home, we're not going to spend the entire time at one family's house and not make use of our time and see other family members/friends.
I think it's important when people move that there ARE no expectations on either end, and no guilt trips either. People will do what they are able to do.
But it works both ways. Friends and family (mostly family) shouldn't "expect" that we can fly home on a whim for multiple events throughout the year when we are retired and living on a fixed income and have a dog at home, or that if we do fly home, we're not going to spend the entire time at one family's house and not make use of our time and see other family members/friends.
I agree. Another thing that we never really thought about (not as applicable for retired folks), is I use at least half my vacation time every year to travel north. I'm not complaining, it's just not something we really took into consideration.
The first time we traveled back, we scheduled all sorts of stuff and tried to see everyone. That never happened again - it was way too stressful. Now we go, stay a couple days at each of the parents/grandparents, and we don't schedule anything else. We tell friends that we'll be in town, but unless they specifically set something up, we don't see them. It's just too much to try and set something up to see everyone.
I think this is a thing that really depends on you and your relationship with your family. No one else is going to be able to answer it for you.
That long list of family events michgc had? We have extended family in Charlotte (siblings, their grown kids, their kids) and we don't see them for those kinds of things and they don't come see us. We get along fine with them and they get along fine with us, but we see each other maybe once or twice a year. We see grandma in Charlotte more often, but we're just not that kind of family that goes to the kids' birthday parties and graduation parties and stuff. If you and yours are and you would feel lonesome or left out or worse resentful if they didn't come visit then maybe you need to see if somewhere closer would suit you. The Delaware option sounded like it might be good.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
