Moved Seattle to Cary, still homesick a year in - feel torn on moving back (Charlotte: condo, chapel)
Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill, CaryThe Triangle Area
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Hi folks - I feel very conflicted with my current situation and would much appreciate some guidance.
My husband and I and our young son moved here in January of last year from the East side of Seattle. We moved for a lower cost of living, we essentially were pushed out financially and my husband took a job offer here.
We both love our jobs but myself not much else. There are things I appreciate, but ultimately there's so much about the Pacific Northwest I miss. The weather (yes, even with the gray sky / drizzle trade off), the abundance of outdoor activities, more seasonal activities, the mountains, the water, the rocky beaches, ferrys, the overall culture....I could go on and on.
As for here I struggle with the landlock feel, the brown, the urban sprawl and the decrease in businesses / activities / services that come from living in such a largely populated area. Also, I HATE with a passion hot weather (anything over 80 really) which is much of the year here.
We have a plan to move back this summer but I'm having nagging doubts. I started off "hating" it here but things got easier 10+ months in, we settled into a routine and I generally realized my dislike is not specific to the area. I'd say this is the most preferable place for us on the east coast, and honestly much of the US. It's just Washington specifically that has so much unique to it that feels like home.
So with getting acclimated, where's the problem? We've paid down debt and have a plan that is a safe bet moving back. Both of us are in fields where work is plentiful there, my husband's advanced his career, and we are now in a position to buy a condo where we couldn't then. We would still not do as well as we can here on our salaries, but we could make it.
So there lies the debate.. I'm finally realizing how much "easier" it is here. Incomes stretching further, $300k gets you a house vs a condo there, less traffic, more plentiful childcare / after school options, a slower paced lifestyle. It feels "safer" financially.
Our son is set to start kindergarten and has a fantastic school lined up. That exists there as well. There are a lot of similar aspects to both places, but ultimately I know I'd love it there, it's just very expensive.
I'm normally not so torn on decisions, but I truly can't make this one with confidence. Any guidance or advice you can offer would mean a lot to me.
Have you explored places elsewhere in NC and neighboring states? The Outer Banks, Charlotte, Myrtle Beach, etc?
Personally, I don't like to struggle financially. I think if your money goes further here, you're in a better spot here then. It would be different if you were in some small boring town, but Raleigh's a somewhat larger city and does have certain things going on.
But trust me, I feel where you're coming from. Cary's no Seattle lol.
Hi folks - I feel very conflicted with my current situation and would much appreciate some guidance.
My husband and I and our young son moved here in January of last year from the East side of Seattle. We moved for a lower cost of living, we essentially were pushed out financially and my husband took a job offer here.
We both love our jobs but myself not much else. There are things I appreciate, but ultimately there's so much about the Pacific Northwest I miss. The weather (yes, even with the gray sky / drizzle trade off), the abundance of outdoor activities, more seasonal activities, the mountains, the water, the rocky beaches, ferrys, the overall culture....I could go on and on.
As for here I struggle with the landlock feel, the brown, the urban sprawl and the decrease in businesses / activities / services that come from living in such a largely populated area. Also, I HATE with a passion hot weather (anything over 80 really) which is much of the year here.
We have a plan to move back this summer but I'm having nagging doubts. I started off "hating" it here but things got easier 10+ months in, we settled into a routine and I generally realized my dislike is not specific to the area. I'd say this is the most preferable place for us on the east coast, and honestly much of the US. It's just Washington specifically that has so much unique to it that feels like home.
So with getting acclimated, where's the problem? We've paid down debt and have a plan that is a safe bet moving back. Both of us are in fields where work is plentiful there, my husband's advanced his career, and we are now in a position to buy a condo where we couldn't then. We would still not do as well as we can here on our salaries, but we could make it.
So there lies the debate.. I'm finally realizing how much "easier" it is here. Incomes stretching further, $300k gets you a house vs a condo there, less traffic, more plentiful childcare / after school options, a slower paced lifestyle. It feels "safer" financially.
Our son is set to start kindergarten and has a fantastic school lined up. That exists there as well. There are a lot of similar aspects to both places, but ultimately I know I'd love it there, it's just very expensive.
I'm normally not so torn on decisions, but I truly can't make this one with confidence. Any guidance or advice you can offer would mean a lot to me.
Where do you live in the Triangle? That might have something to do with it. Some places here might suit you better... for culture, activities, access to recreation, diverse population, range of restaurants, and overall "vibe". If you currently live in Wake Forest or Holly Springs, you might want to try Chapel Hill, Durham, DT Raleigh, or DT Cary. If you already live in one of the latter 4 areas, then you probably should move back to Seattle. I lived in Colorado for 10 years and really dig the DT "old" part of Cary; moved here after originally settling in Apex. Not trying to be smart, just my 2 cents.
Last edited by ncrunner77; 03-27-2018 at 02:32 PM..
It sounds like you are fairly set on returning. Do you have family in Seattle?
We moved here about 1.5 years ago with a 3 month old. It was hard for my wife since she only lived in one area her whole life. I used to get begged into moving back to Virginia, but I have a good job here and security. Today, I wouldn't say she loves it here, but she is much more used to it.
We weren't used to the humid summers initially, but it isn't so bad to us anymore. We miss our favorite restaurants, but we founds a few new ones. We miss our old friends, but we are trying to get out and make new ones as well.
I think Cary is different. I don't love it and I don't hate it, but it is a good place for us right now. Will we live here forever? Nope, but we surely will for several years.
Most of this area reminds me of the eastside burbs. Even downtown Raleigh is like a less expensive downtown Bellevue. You are closer to multiple lakes and hikes here without having to deal with traffic. If you aren't happy here you should move back though.
The benefits here both financial and not having to deal with the pathetic PNW weather are enough to keep us here that's for sure.
It's just Washington specifically that has so much unique to it that feels like home.
(I've deleted the rest of your post NOT because it's unimportant. I just wanted to address THIS part of the post)
It's the "feels like home" part that I think is the problem.
I have moved 3 times to cities with which I was unfamiliar (NY to Philly, Philly to Phoenix, Phoenix to Raleigh). Twice those moves were to cities that I had not even visited until I moved there.
And I learned that the best thing to do is to stop thinking of my prior residence as "home." HOME is where I live now. MAYBE there is another home where my family is (parents, grandparents), but where I live is where MY home is. We moved here in June, 2012. I stopped calling Phoenix home within a week. When someone asks me where I'm from, I say Brier Creek. If they ask were I lived before that, I'll answer - but the word "home" isn't part of my answer.
And yes, I loved living in Philly and Phoenix, and for a variety of reasons, I was sad to leave them. But thinking of them as "home" is only going to make me sadder to leave them behind and make it harder for me see the benefits and beauty of The Triangle.
for
(I'll add one thing: The weather is a big downer. For 25+ year, I had 300 days of sun and never really got cold. Moved here and had to spend lots of money on winter jackets, rain coats, umbrellas and closed toe shoes - and I'm still cold. But I try not to think about it too much. I concentrate on the things I love, the benefits of living here, instead of the stuff I don't like. I remind myself that there's no place that is perfect.)
You can't move solely for financial reasons - it just doesn't work and it sounds like that was the main reason you moved here. If you move from a place that you were happy with for financial reasons, you will never be happy anywhere else after the honeymoon period with the nicer house and lower mortgage wears off.
Don't forget that in areas with higher cost of living, you gain equity at a faster rate, which is like forced savings. If you live for the future and not for the now, that can be a very good thing.
Are there any communities where you could live near a lake or river in the Triangle? I'm in Charlotte, but many from out West love living on or near Lake Norman or Lake Wylie. We joined a boat club and have kayaks and are regularly out on the lake water skiing, tubing, swimming, kayaking, wind surfing, stand up paddle boarding, etc... In the late spring through early fall we are on the lake probably 3 weekends a month and we love to dine by the water and enjoy the views. Hello Sailor definitely upped the game on waterfront dining too and I'm excited to try the patio once it is warmer.
The lake reminds us of some of the outdoor activities we had out west + we go hike in the Appalachian Mountains, Crowder Mountain, or South State Park at least 10 times per year for a quick day trip. Leave the house Saturday at 8AM, hiking by 10AM, lunch at the peak, home by 4PM.
We also enjoy parking a car at one end of the river and driving up to the other and floating down the Catawba on a hot summer day and jumping in the water to cool off.
I'm sure you could find similar lake activities in the Triangle that might give you some of that water fun you had in Seattle. I was surprised how fun life on the lake can be. It is just converting some of that West Coast fun for NC fun.
I wish you luck where ever you end up, whether in NC or back in Seattle!
What's more important to you, quantity or quality?
Quantity -- sure you can get more bang for your buck here financially.
Quality -- Seattle beats Raleigh hands down.
How much were you "struggling" in Seattle financially. Were you living paycheck to paycheck?
There's more to life than a bigger house. I'd rather live in a small house and soak in all the city has to offer.
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