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I’m researching a possible move back home to Raleigh this year. I grew up there but it’s a whole new city now!
I’m open to living outside the city, in places like Cary, Apex, Holly Springs, Garner, or Durham.
I’m having trouble narrowing things down because I work from home, so I don’t have to factor in a commute time. I travel a half dozen times a year, but I don’t mind a 30-minute drive to the airport since I have that now. Also, the entire area seems pretty family-friendly with decent schools (save for a few exceptions.)
What I need to know more about is if there’s a good place for me to balance my two selves: my “mommy” life and my personal one.
I’m moving away from a suburban type of small town that’s been great for my elementary-aged daughter, but has been difficult for me.
I’m basically a single mom these days, and everyone here is married - and I’ve felt like the odd one out. There are many stay-at-home-moms here, too. Meanwhile, I work a lot and it’s very important to me, so I don’t relate well to people who only talk about their kids.
Everyone here leads a pretty quiet life. They mostly just drive their kids around, run errands, then sit around the house and watch TV with the hubby for fun. They rarely go out and do things without their kids. They’re not in the market for new “girlfriends” to hang out with, because their life is settled.
I don’t want to accidentally find myself in this same situation again.
I am in my 40’s but I still enjoy making new friends and doing things, like going to museums, outdoor festivals, concerts, bars, restaurants, fairs, plays, and other cultural events. I also do a ton of kid-friendly stuff with my daughter but these mommy-and-me years don’t last forever.
While I’m not actively trying to date right now, it would be nice to have the opportunity one day. Here, almost all the men I encounter are married so it’s not much of an option.
I’m also liberal in my views and want my daughter to have a diverse group of friends. So I won’t fit in a church-going, conservative community.
That said, I also don’t want to be the only 40-something around young adults half my age, who are living a college life or are just starting their marriages and families.
With these factors in mind, can you warn me off of any neighborhoods or communities, or make suggestions? Or do I have to just do my time in the suburbs again until my daughter moves out? 😂
Honestly, depending on your budget I would just try to live in Raleigh. I think you can find everything you want, including really good schools. I work from home, and I personally do find it challenging to meet people, but I'm hopeful I'll meet more friends once my daughter starts school.
North Raleigh has a really suburban feel, but is really close to all of the cultural and family friendly events.
Given that the Triangle is, as a whole, very suburban and kid-centric, I think you'd be going from the frying pan to the fire. Especially in places like Apex, Holly Springs and Garner. The chances of finding what you want are higher in some of the more established, closer-in neighborhoods in Raleigh and Durham, but they're going to be expensive, especially in Raleigh. And you'll find most people to be coupled up too.
Given that the Triangle is, as a whole, very suburban and kid-centric, I think you'd be going from the frying pan to the fire. .
I disagree. Because this area is full of transplants, people are really willing to reach out and make new friends. There are book clubs, BUNCO nights, movie nights, wine and design, "girls night out" all organized by ladies who are looking to keep their social network going since they didn't grow up here and have built in friends. Plenty of people are looking to get out just with their new girlfriends. I see stuff on my neighborhood website and even on next-door (recently saw some people in a nearby neighborhood have started a game night in their home). If you live somewhere that everyone who lives there has friends close by that they grew up with, you end up in OP's current situation. I haven't found that to be the case here. I even found being on the PTA was a pretty social endeavor.
Good luck with your move - hope you find a place that makes you happy.
I live in Holly Springs and i"m soon to be single and I have MANY single mom friends living in Holly Springs. I don't think you'd be out of place anywhere in the Triangle honestly! There are so many ways to meet other like-minded women. And I've done all the "family" type events solo and never had any issues with it.
My general sense is that we're big enough at this point to accommodate most peoples needs, save for those few cultural elites who indulge in live theater every night and need to discover a new five star restaurant at least once each week.
There are still pockets of deep conservatism fueled mostly by religious dogma, but the region overall is quite balanced. You're likely to find yourself behind a car with a "Trump that *****" sticker every now and again but that's not representative of the political mindset.
Unless you move into the hot areas where house prices drive diversity lower you're likely to wind up in a community where the schools offer a nice balance culturally, religiously and economically. We live in North Raleigh and my boys had friends spanning all segments of society and chose friends based on who they liked, not what they looked like. That was a huge improvement from where we lived back in New York.
As for cultural offerings, things to do, we have so much to offer year round. You will only be bored if you're boring.
Regarding where to move, my recommendation is to avoid the hottest areas as prices are just cray-cray nowadays. One mistake I made twelve years ago was placing a greater value on property size than community design and have since come to realize we would have had an easier transition and built up a social and support network faster in a planned community. Some are really expensive but some of the older ones offer more attractive price points, whether it be a house, town home or apartment you're looking for.
Good luck with the planning; come for a visit and do some recon for yourself, that will help immensely.
I would suggest to check out Meetup website for the single mom groups or other groups by interest. What you seem to be wanting is not necessarily driven by urban / suburban environment. Actually I’m not a single mom but can relate to some of what you’ve said since we have just one kid and families that have more than one kind of tend to live in their own world, so to say. (Not a criticism, just an observation.) But we managed to find a group of friends anyway, so I’m sure you’ll be fine too.
I’d pick a place close to shopping, parks, and some shared working space in case you’d like to get out of the house once in a while. Many areas in Cary, Apex, and HS would fit the bill IMHO.
Look at Downtown Cary. It’s a developing, walkable area with parks, breweries, restaurants, new library going up, and an arts center.
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