Raleigh vs. DC Metro? (Durham, Cary: fit in, transplants, chapel)

[Relocate88]

Hello, I'm an AA single female thinking of a move to either the Raleigh suburbs or the DMV metro (northern Virginia) from Massachusetts and was just curious to know what people's personal experiences are living in either city especially for "northern transplants" and/or people of color.


I've done a decent amount of research on a variety of things for both areas, and I'm mainly interested in hearing how welcoming (or not) people are in either area and your personal experience living in either location (socially: making friends, dating scene, people's overall friendliness/welcoming to new comers ect..., the drivers: like high or low road rage ect... and on the job: your experience especially as a northerner or person of color in that environment.) I realize no place is perfect but I'm just interested in knowing which area would be better overall.

Thanks in advance!

[ippi76]

I can give a brief answer: I moved here from CA 5 years ago and have been nothing but welcomed. So MANY people here are not from NC it is crazy...you will meet loads from NY/NJ, PA, OH, MI, MA, really anywhere in Northeast, and some scattered from West Coast or from other nearby states (SC, VA etc.) All you have to do is go to a sports bar on a fall weekend and see all the Northeast college and pro football fans galore. Cary is nicknamed "Concentrated Area of Relocated Yankees" for a reason.

This helps the dating scene because no one is from here and are looking! Driving, I don't find it bad...people drive terribly everywhere if you ask me, including myself sometimes.

The people of color I've never heard of issues, I am 1/2 Latino but don't really look it...someone innocently asked where I got my dark complexion from, that was it.

[Relocate88]

ok, thanks for the response. I had heard that there were alot of northerners in NC but sounds like there is really alot! Good to know...

[wheelsup]

DC vs Raleigh are in two different worlds in general living QOL & COL and, in most cases, career development.

Diversity wise, both are fairly diverse. Not even a second thought. So much so that when I visit areas of the country that are less so, it feels weird.

[GVoR]

Married, late thirties, white male. Moved here from MA (South Shore/North Attleboro) 3+ years ago. Our group of friends is 60/40 Transplants (DC/VA, Chicago/Indy, Pittsburg, Upstate NY, Long Island, Cleveland, FL). Transplants and natives alike have been super welcoming.

I found MA to be far less diverse than here; unless you are coming from one of the cities, towns were far less diverse there in my experience (again, basically the area between 128, 95 and 495). We live in a middle class/upper middle class suburb and have families of many ethnic/racial backgrounds represented. I find this area much more broken down/separated by socioeconomic class than by race if that makes any sense than MA was.

I can't speak for what you would experience in a workplace here, but can't imagine it would be vastly different than "life outside of work".

Driving - less aggressive than MA, but less predictable too. MA is super aggressive, but "organized chaos" i.e. that guy next you to on 93 in Boston "knows you're going to cut him off". Here its overall less aggressive, but is that car a polite native just driving slow or is that car a mass hole transplant who is going to dart across three lanes of 540 just short of the off ramp? I was "always on" driving into Southie for work. I am more relaxed/defensive here.

Dating - I can't speak to it, but given the influx of people and the young nature of the various cities in the Triangle, I could think of worse places.

Friendliness - Super friendly, almost "too much" at times.

[Relocate88]

Thanks for the extra responses, lots of useful information!

[JoBo623]

I moved here from New York about a year and a half ago. People here are super friendly; I find myself less aggravated than I was in New York. Because of all the influx of people into the area, I find people are very open to meeting others. I'm not impressed with the drivers here as GVoR said. They ride on your bumper and I'm not a slow driver! Sorry I can't speak to the other aspects of your post.

[michgc]

I've lived in both places and am a Philly native, so can give some comparisons:

DC area:

--Will be less of a change from MA as far as "feel" goes. It is populated with more northerners and feels more Northeastern than the Raleigh area. Maryland and DC tend to have more African Americans than Northern Virginia. The whole area is very diverse with a wide variety of people from all over the world. So you will have no problem finding a place to fit in, but there may be some places where you might be one of a few AAs.
--More single-oriented than the Triangle. Tons of bars, clubs, all kinds of singles sports leagues, a much bigger metro with hundreds of activities everyday and lots of different cities/towns to go out in - DC/Alexandria/Arlington/Bethesda, etc. However, there are a lot of people who are all about who you know, how important you are. Don't get me wrong, I had no problems making friends - some were leftover from college, some were from work, some from a sports league, but there were a lot of phonies (fake kind of people) out there whose first question when you meet them is "what do you do?"
--Traffic is a huge pain the neck. Rush hour is ~8 hours per day. The drivers may be decent, but it is soul sucking driving around there and having to plan your trips around driving.
--There would absolutely be no problem as a northerner or person of color in the workplace. I worked in downtown DC for 9 years and people were from everywhere. Hardly anyone was from DC, so no one was an outsider. It was just a matter of how long you had lived there. I also worked in Rockville (MD). There were more homegrown people there, but there were still so many non-natives, that it didn't feel like you were invading anyone's turf. In both locations, I had a large number of AA co-workers. I cannot speak to their experiences but everyone seemed well integrated, and they made up a large percentage of the staff, so you would not be an "only." There was lots of diversity overall - white, black, Hispanic, Asian, Middle-Eastern, people from all over the world, etc.
--Quite expensive place to live. Jobs are well-paying but housing is darn expensive and living farther out for cheaper housing with the bad traffic is not a great option.
--Overall, great city with an endless supply of things to do, great diversity, great location on the east coast with great job opportunities and possible career advancement, but very expensive, bad traffic, and lots of "poser" people.

Triangle:
--While not the deep south, NC will definitely have a much more southern feel than DC (especially the MD side). It will be a bigger change coming from MA than DC would be in that regard. However, that is the overall place. As to the people, it is a good mix of natives and transplants, so you will not feel out of place at all as a northerner. There are a lot of people here from the Northeast, CA, OH, as well as other parts of the south. There is a good sized international community here, too and lots of diversity (again in some places more than others). So you won't feel like you stick out.
--A very family-oriented area. There are several colleges here so you do get the college crowd activities such as bars and college sports and college lectures, etc. And Raleigh is the capital, so there are museums, restaurants, bars, festivals, the usual plus major league hockey. Durham has its own offerings with a minor league baseball team and bars, restaurants, etc. It's a big enough metro that there are plenty of things to do but there is no comparison to the depth and breadth of activities available in DC. I can't say if a single will get bored of the scene here as I was married when I moved here.
--People are very friendly here and are not nearly as snooty as the DC scene. It's a very laid-back area. No one asks what you do. People are very genuine. Many people who move here move to get away from the rat race of the northeast, so I think there is a certain type of person that lives here. Because the area is so transient, it's very easy to meet people and not feel like the new person for very long.
--Everyone on this board complains about the drivers around here, but I do not have much of a problem overall except for fewer people using turn signals. Traffic is not too bad. I rarely give it much thought when making plans. I'm in Chapel Hill though so maybe that's the difference but I say traffic/driving is a pro for the Triangle.
--No problem as a northerner here at all as far as most people are concerned. Maybe some ribbing from some natives or possible some animosity that northerners move here and drive up housing costs but overall I don't see it. I don't think you'd have any problem as a person of color here. I don't work outside the home, but my kids are in school and we have a good mix of whites, AAs, Asians, Hispanics, etc. My kids have had black teachers and black principals. Probably best to ask this question of an AA person, though, as I haven't walked in your shoes.
--Job market seems good and cost of living is relatively low (compared to Northeast and DC).
--Overall, a very easy place to live - a good mix of people from lots of different places, diversity, and fairly good cost of living. Traffic is pretty nice and people are friendly. The area isn't as big and exciting as DC and will feel more southern, but you should have no problem being welcomed here as long as you are okay with living in "the South."

[Tarheelhombre]

I’m a North Carolinian in DC now. DC is really an exciting 24/7 city. It’s very diverse and very progressive politically and culturally. It’s a very educated population as well as very politically active population. It’s become a huge foodie haven, with such a great diversity of global cuisines. However, it’s extremely expensive, especially for housing and parking. It’s also very fast-paced, which is part of its allure. Traffic is horrific. Its Metro system is a huge asset.

[Relocate88]

Very detailed responses appreciate it!