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I got called "youngin" the other day at the farmers market by one of the vendor's. He said it several times to me and my wife and I'm 30. I thought it was fine, just because I knew he meant no harm by it, but I know a lot of people would be mad if they were called "youngin" repeatidly and they were 30 years old.
It may not be 1950, but what should the year have to do with the use of proper manners? With that way of thinking, maybe you should just stay where you are.
That is the problem here. People have this "you must conform or get out of here mentality." It's not right.
That is the problem here. People have this "you must conform or get out of here mentality." It's not right.
I think it is more an expression of dismissal than anything else. In "real life," if you or I were annoyed w/ someone else's behavior, we would just move on. Here on these threads, people express stuff they wouldn't if standing right in front of someone, LOL.
People in different areas of the country consider different things as rude. What may be rude to a Southerner may not be rude behavior other places. If a newcomer is not comfortable w/ customs here in the South, they can either choose to ignore those things or engage in behavior that will turn others off. I personally like to "fit in" when traveling and certainly tried to do that when living in a different part of the country.
Obnoxious behavior anywhere is going to turn people off. It goes both ways. If Southerners greet a newcomer in a mean-spirited way just b/c he/she has a NE accent, then that is obnoxious as well.
This state is full of newcomers. Either we get along or we don't. I just avoid people who are rude - Southerners as well as newcomers.
The problem comes in when newcomers DISPARAGE the customs of natives and vice versa. I say - live and let live. Good manners are appreciated everywhere in the world.
ya know...I can't wait for our move down.....but even though I complain about the high costs and at times rude people.....
The rude people are everywhere...I've gotten such nice information and comments from the NC residents here on the board but I will also say that Living in NY I will never regret living here....you learn alot from the people.....there's probably not many other places where so many people from so many places in the world can mesh so well.....and I'm proud to come from NY....But I will also be proud to say I live in NC
It really doesnt matter which words you use....its how you overall treat each other......My 5 year old calls our 55+ neighbors Miss Janet and Mr Steve just because I didnt think it was appropriate to call them by their first names and he couldnt say their last name.......but all the neighbors use first names....I dont have a problem with my sons friends calling me Sue......as long as they are being respectful in other ways thats fine......
Yes we should always use please, thank you and hold doors open for others.....hell if I'm walking out of a store I'll hold the door open for a kid or a man or a woman...its NOT WHERE I CAME FROM BUT WHO I AM! and I'm a 36 y/o female
Really stop judging others......we are all in the same boat....take it as it comes, I dont worry about people until they give me a reason to.......and just because someone doesnt say something you want them to it doesnt make them a bad person (or a northerner) maybe they had something on their mind....it happens..
I guess we all need to learn to deal with change.....ultimatley things and people are changing and people are moving......so realistically you're not always going to hear what you want with the words you want but maybe if you listen and open your ears (and mind) you'll realize the repect is there just not in the "words" you're used to and maybe you'll also have to do some changing to understand that!
And last...lol....I swear... Stereoyping and Generalizing is 100% worse than not giving a thank you....... a forgotten thank you can happen at times but generalization is something you've lumped everyone in and it is constant.....
Excellent post, JimnSue. Stereotypes are a roadblock. I am a native and all my friends, other than 2, are newcomers. I have so enjoyed meeting new people and expanding my world - and welcoming others here. We are all just people, trying to find a good place to raise a family, have a career - or even retire. Together, we can make our individual neighborhoods, communities - and this state - a great place for everyone to live.
Frankly, as a native, it was time for us to get some "new blood" into the South. I am all for joining hands to find the BEST WAYS to create an ideal place to live, and sometimes getting new ideas from others is the way to make that happen. Bring your customs w/ you when you come to NC. Share your experiences. Why can't we all grow together? Discover what IS charming about the South - espouse it! At the same time, teach me what worked and what was "charming" about where you grew up. Taking the best and putting it together - that is what makes communities strong.
(sorry anifan I couldn't change the typo in the header..)
Thank you......I will bring things I have learned with me how could I not and the same as you sharing the same.....People just dont want to accept change and would rather point fingers or shut down to change in itself....
Its just hard to understand why some believe people move to change where they are going....yes I am making a move for a change but not to make a change where I wind up......
I know its not the norm but its still worries me that there are people out there that feel this way and I would hate for my kids to ever encounter them.....
But should that happen.....lol I guess the (NY'r would come out)...lol
Thank you for your post also......I'm glad there are good people who welcome others as a learning experience.....The only diffence I wish for in our move is to be able to support the family financially better and not have my husband killing himself and to enjoy the family while they are young and be able to save in order to help in their future education...
I hope to cross paths with you and others the same in the future
How about this? Whatever is appropriate and the social norm in the area for sincere respect is what should be used.
Ergo, in the south, using "sir, ma'am" if the tone is appropriate, and not overthinking it. Also, using Mr. and Mrs/Ms. when appropriate.
In other areas, learn the norm for respect and adopt it, even if it is not what you are used to.
An example is the american sign for "OK", use that in some other countries and it is way insulting and bad and conotes a sexual refenence from what I have been told.
My neighbor growing up was from Germany and he always said "Greetings" when we met and kissed our cheek. We, in the NE, did not greet people like that. We said "Hello, it's nice to see you again" and shook hands. By your account, I should have been very upset with this fellow. After all, he was not following our norms! He didn't respect them! How dare he not change ALL of his language to conform!!
The reality though is that we understood he was from somewhere else. We understood he was being polite, even though it differed from our way of doing so. We thought he was a terrific person, very kind, and polite.
I'm glad most people can accept others being a bit different, yet not taking it as an insult. Good luck if you ever move abroad b/c you realize that there are many norms you aren't aware of if you're not from there, right? So no matter how hard you try, you would probably insult someone. Let's just hope they would be more forgiving than you are and understand that you are trying to be polite, but simply are not from there.
How about this? Whatever is appropriate and the social norm in the area for sincere respect is what should be used.
An example is the american sign for "OK", use that in some other countries and it is way insulting and bad and conotes a sexual refenence from what I have been told.
Heee...Sorry had to laugh.....so should someone who is unable to communicate other than signing should have to worry about their "speaking" so that someone won't offended by a hand gesture which ulimately is their only way of communication.......Puhlease!
Ya know what.....here it is......live life and teach your children to do the same hopefully they will grow up and in the process learn that people are not only different but also not so different....teach them to treat each other as they would want their most loved one to be treated.......and should they judge remind them that just when they're about to judge....relisten and rethink it beore they do...just because its different doesn't mean its wrong and ultimatley it might not be so far off from their beliefs just a little changed up......
Heee...Sorry had to laugh.....so should someone who is unable to communicate other than signing should have to worry about their "speaking" so that someone won't offended by a hand gesture which ulimately is their only way of communication.......Puhlease!
So true - maybe people should 1) not get so offended and 2) examine the underlying reasons why they are getting so offended in the first place (this all comes back to resentment of transplants, you know).
Life is too short, guys. Just be normal people and live lives.
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Ditto to you anifran
