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Hubby and I are coming down over Labor Day weekend. While we're excited, we're nervous too.
Right now, we live in Michigan very close to family. My parents are about an hour north of us, my three sisters and their families are all within 2 hours drive, the closest being three miles away.
So, why consider moving? Well, to begin with, Michigan has a terrible economy (in case you hadn't heard). While DH is gainfully employed (and his employer is going to allow him to work for the no matter where we live) he knows his chances of gainful employment are not good if something happens to this job. We don't care for the weather 6 out of 12 months of the year (not to mention a lot of cloud cover that is often compared to Seattle) and this area is incredibly conservative (as I've mentioned before, and we're more in between). While my kids are very close to their cousins now, the cousins are considerably older, just about all of them graduating from high school within three years (and moving on with lives of their own ). Our kids are 2 and 4.
We love the south, as hubby is from VA and I lived in VA for 12 years. We've been to Raleigh before, but never considered moving there until recently.
Long story short (too late, I know), we are ready for a change but the pull of family is tough against the love for an area & employment opportunities that are better than exist where we are now.
I don't know what I'm looking for here, other than perhaps someone to say, "ARE YOU CRAZY" or "I've been there" or just share thoughts, in general.
I have this feeling that we'll fall in love with the area on this next visit, making the decision even more complicated...
What kind of a place do you live in in Michigan? City/urban, suburban, college, rural, etc.? What is it about Michigan that you do like, and what do you think you want more of vs. Michigan and less of vs. Michigan in another locale?
I think this is a big move for you, so you're nervous. I'm from PA so I hear you on the looong cold months and being cloudy alot. You have to do what makes you happy. I think you're in trouble when you come to visit the area b/c you're going to fall in love with it! It's a good time to move being that your kids are young. I know your family is going to give you the guilt trip like they did with us. You're the one who has to be happy where you are. They are all welcome to come visit and if they don't visit that's on them. We go back to visit family 1-2 times a year and that's enough for me. I love my family but it's not bad to be further away so then you don't have to deal with the drama. You can talk on the phone as much as you want. How do you know what you think if you don't try it?
What kind of a place do you live in in Michigan? City/urban, suburban, college, rural, etc.? What is it about Michigan that you do like, and what do you think you want more of vs. Michigan and less of vs. Michigan in another locale?
Hmmm...we are right outside of Grand Rapids. GR has about 197,000 people, so it's not a bad size at all. There are definitely city/urban areas, suburban areas (where we live now) and rural areas, it just depends on where you are in relation to downtown GR. I love the change in seasons, but winter just drags on way too far into the spring. There is not much to do at all. My husband put it best when he said that living here, he can see his whole life before his eyes. Not necessarily a terrible thing, but we would like more opportunities for groups to get involved with, and more diversity. This area is not very "open"....I'll leave it at that as I've been slammed in the past for what I (and others) think about the area. I could easily use "boring" as a way to describe the area. I could live here, don't get me wrong, but if my family were here I would not be here. We just want a variety of things to do and to see -- we want lots of activity. I'm not sure if my answer really clarified much for you as it's not even easy for me to explain.
I think this is a big move for you, so you're nervous. I'm from PA so I hear you on the looong cold months and being cloudy alot. You have to do what makes you happy. I think you're in trouble when you come to visit the area b/c you're going to fall in love with it! It's a good time to move being that your kids are young. I know your family is going to give you the guilt trip like they did with us. You're the one who has to be happy where you are. They are all welcome to come visit and if they don't visit that's on them. We go back to visit family 1-2 times a year and that's enough for me. I love my family but it's not bad to be further away so then you don't have to deal with the drama. You can talk on the phone as much as you want. How do you know what you think if you don't try it?
beckycat thanks for your words. I am getting a guilt trip from my family and it has to do with our children. Basically my family is saying that it's bad for us to take our children away from their family because there is so much for them to gain that you can't get when you live far away from family. My sister basically said that by moving we're making a choice as to what kind of family values we want to instill in our kids. I don't know if she's right, or if this is something you can instill in your kids regardless of your proximity to family. I tend to think we can because my dad moved my mom and sisters away from his family when my sisters were young and we all have a very good sense of tightness as a family. We've already agreed that if we move we will make many trips back home because we would want to. We feel (as you said) that it is a perfect time to move because of how young our kids are -- we have time to set roots somewhere else.
As I mentioned before, part of our reason for wanting to move (along with just not liking the area) is our worry for jobs if something happened to my husband's current job. We like the idea of more opportunity in general that the Triangle appears to offer.
Just as an FYI, we have lived far away in the past and made it work (it just wasn't good enough for my family). I lived in Virginia Beach for 12 years up until 3 years ago. We visited as much as we could, but now that we have kids my family will be torn up to be away from them and, I admit, there is a very tight bond between my family and the kids so we do feel like we would be taking them from something that means so much to them. I just don't know how to balance what's best for our kids and what's best for us as a family along with whether or not we're just being selfish by moving where we (hubby and I) want to move.
I'm a Michigander, moved to Durham last year for my husband's job, and understand exactly where you're coming from. I felt torn like you. Torn between better opportunities and the pull of family ties. (Actually, we had been living in Texas and southern Africa for several years and wanted to move back to Michigan, but had no luck because of the bad economy) While there is a lot more sunshine here and many people like raising their kids here, I really miss my family. Yes, you can always call and take trips, but it's not the same as being there to share those little things in life. We were just in Traverse City last week visiting my family, and I realized how incredibly beautiful Michigan is, especially around the lakes. Even when we visited over Christmas and there was snow and gray skies, it was beautiful. Yes, those disgusting gray, slushy days in March and random snow in April can be hard to take (and I remember them well!), but to me, it's a small pay-off to be closer to family. But that's just me. I've done my world travels and have realized what's most important to me. Of course you probably already know it, I think it's something that you'll really have to weigh for yourself, especially since you have kids an there's more to consider than just yourself. You may feel guilty about moving them, but you've also got to be able to provide for them, too!
Also, if your husband has the flexibility to stay with his current employer no matter where he is, perhaps you could do a trial. Come on down for a couple of years and see how you feel. If it doesn't work out for you, you can always go back. But if your husband's job falls through during that time, you'd already be here and would have some connections for the job search. Just a thought...
I'm a Michigander, moved to Durham last year for my husband's job, and understand exactly where you're coming from. I felt torn like you. Torn between better opportunities and the pull of family ties. (Actually, we had been living in Texas and southern Africa for several years and wanted to move back to Michigan, but had no luck because of the bad economy) While there is a lot more sunshine here and many people like raising their kids here, I really miss my family. Yes, you can always call and take trips, but it's not the same as being there to share those little things in life. We were just in Traverse City last week visiting my family, and I realized how incredibly beautiful Michigan is, especially around the lakes. Even when we visited over Christmas and there was snow and gray skies, it was beautiful. Yes, those disgusting gray, slushy days in March and random snow in April can be hard to take (and I remember them well!), but to me, it's a small pay-off to be closer to family. But that's just me. I've done my world travels and have realized what's most important to me. Of course you probably already know it, I think it's something that you'll really have to weigh for yourself, especially since you have kids an there's more to consider than just yourself. You may feel guilty about moving them, but you've also got to be able to provide for them, too!
Also, if your husband has the flexibility to stay with his current employer no matter where he is, perhaps you could do a trial. Come on down for a couple of years and see how you feel. If it doesn't work out for you, you can always go back. But if your husband's job falls through during that time, you'd already be here and would have some connections for the job search. Just a thought...
I agree, ntchanga, that my husband's job offers us the best flexibility right now and your idea is a good one.
If your husband's job permitted (and all details fell into place), would you move to Michigan? Just curious...
I think it's something only you can decide. I don't say that to be flippant, but some people cannot bear to be away from family. Others find that to not be an issue at all. I could tell you where I stand on it, but it's irrelevant. The only thing that matters is how you feel about it. My only advice would be that if you do move, give it two full years before you decide you want to move back to MI if you're homesick. It takes many people two full years to feel really settled in a new place and for it to feel like "home."
Shoes4birds, I don't have a lot of advice for you, but I certainly have sympathy.
My parents had to move away from their families when they were young, so when I found myself in the same boat, they were very understanding. I have not received the teensiest bit of guilt from them. But then again, we had to move because my husband was unemployed and there were zero job opportunities for my husband where we were. If he could have gotten just one job in his field there, we would have stayed near family and friends. No doubt about it. Like ntchanga, we've traveled around the world a bit and have come to realize that time with loved ones is the most important thing in our lives.
But that's just me and my family. All families are different and, frankly, sometimes it's better to put a little space there.
If you move away, there are some things you can do to maintain closer ties. For example, my best friend urged me to start a blog shortly after I moved here. I post photos there and write about what's happening in our lives. I've actually become closer to some of my friends through my blog. That really surprised me. Also there are tons of phone plans that allow you to talk long distance for free so I take full advantage of that. I actually talk to my dad more now than I did when I lived under the same roof with him. So some good things have come from this.
But. The truth is that it's not the same. I really really miss having brunch with my old group of friends & going swimming with family at my parents house. Heck, I miss things as simple as wandering around Target with my best friend! I miss that closeness and love that you feel when you're surrounded by people who know you and love you, warts and all. Sadly, we don't get to experience that very often anymore. My husband only gets so many days of vacation per year. We end up using most of those days just going back to be with family at Christmas. Four of those days are used just traveling from here to there (2 days drive each way). It's a burden. And frankly, it's hard because we'd like to have a REAL vacation for just the two of us, but if we do that it means we can't spend the holidays with family. It's a terrible decision and I hate that we have to make it. It would be even harder if we had kids.
You're in a tough place & I don't envy you at all. Frankly. If I were in your shoes - good job & family in one place - I'd stay there. But that says a lot more about me and my family and friends than anything else. Your situation and your relationships are different, so the best choice for you could be different. Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
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