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I've been here about 4 weeks now and 3/4 of the people I've met always ask the same question, usually within the second question. "So what do you do?"
As I reverse the psychology and think to ask the same question myself, I just can't bring myself to do so. I think it is a rather "nosy" and personal question to ask an individual you have just met.
Here is how it went with two of my neighbors.
I bump into them
Neighbor: "Hello, I'm your neighbor just around the corner, my name is John."
Me: Hello, my name is Paul, nice to meet you."
About this time I take a breath to begin some polite small talk.
Neighbor: "So what do you and your wife do?"
I avoid the question, talk around it. Does not matter.....
Neighbor: "So, what do you and your wife do?"
I have nothing to hide and don't mind folks knowing what I do, but I can't help think it is a bit too personal a question of someone you just met 3-seconds ago. Am I wrong? Is this a cultural thing of the south? I would say 3/4 of all the people we have met so far ask this question. Should I be asking them the same in return?
A rather small issue, but one I can't help address as everywhere I go, people seem to ask.
I noticed the EXACT same thing when I moved to Raleigh. At a party, the hostess noticed me avoiding the question. So, she stepped in and told the inquirer that I was a teller at the bank. (I'm not but I do work at a bank.) I've been using that line ever since. There is nothing wrong with being a teller, but people tend not to inquire further since it isn't glamorous.
I guess I don't see this question as too personal at all but rather a common ice breaker. What makes this question easy is that everyone "does" something. It is always difficult to start a conversation with someone you don't know, so it's an easy ice breaker. So no I don't think it's rude at all.
I agree with NCBoyMommy, and am wondering what kinds of questions you would consider OK during an initial conversation - just chit chat about the weather? What other questions would be useful for getting to know someone, but not too personal? I'm asking out of sincere curiosity and because I'd love to have more questions/topics to consider during those types of awkward conversations.
I guess I don't see this question as too personal at all but rather a common ice breaker. What makes this question easy is that everyone "does" something. It is always difficult to start a conversation with someone you don't know, so it's an easy ice breaker. So no I don't think it's rude at all.
Agreed. Usually not an issue.
The question doesn't bother most people, I think.
But, it is a little awkward when any topic is pressed, when one party indicates they would rather not discuss it.
No matter where I am whether I'm visiting the east coast, west coast, north, or south .... I find the "what do you do?" question very common. I don't think it is anything unique to this area at all.
However, if I ask the question and the person avoids the question I will respect that desire for privacy and will not ask a second time.
Last edited by North_Raleigh_Guy; 08-26-2008 at 02:07 PM..
This is not uncommon at all, as I have seen it pretty much anywhere I've been meeting new people in various circumstances and geographical locations, but I despise it nonetheless.
I am the type of person who doesn't define herself by what she "does". In other words, I am not my title at work, I am me, and what I do to make a living doesn't really have a whole lot to do with who I am going to be to the person asking the question in a non-work situation. No one is going to "know" me by hearing the answer to this question. My job is a means to an end, not that for which I live my life.
The "What do you do?" line was used a lot in the city I came from to determine social status (often followed up by "where do you live?" and "what kind of car do you drive?"), because it was a very status oriented city. People could quickly judge and weed out the undesirables before even meeting them. Here in Raleigh I think it is more of an icebreaker, and in some people's cases a way to try to find common ground. It's funny, because I hardly ever meet anyone who asks me this question and finds the common ground through my answer (truthful or comedically contrived).
Not to say that there aren't people here with the intention of weeding out certain social classes with this question, but I think it is less so in this area than what I have seen in other places.
I don't think it's really just a southern thing. According to textbooks on American culture, it's supposedly an American thing. Our profession is our "status" whereas in some cultures, your family name is most important. Here in the U.S., we are supposed to be able to become "somebody" through hard work and determination. The "anybody-can-make-it-if-you-work-hard-at-it" mentality. Most people will use that as a conversation starter for small talk for lack of anything better to talk about.
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