What's with the Indian culture? (Morrisville: house, neighborhoods, buy)

[jeweloflight]

I live in Morrisville, the heart of RTP, and have quite a few neighbors of Indian decent. I am multiracial, pretty open to culture differences, but tell me if I'm wrong on this. As I observe them, and interact with them, they seem not so friendly and pretty separated, sticking socially with their own kind. Even a hint of suspiciousness and mistrust as it relates to "others."

Recently the husband of the family that lives below me, got dropped off after work thru a carpool I think he participates in. I watched him out of the window of my dining room as I was sitting at the computer when he pulled up. As he approached the building, he realized that the back door of their Honda was ajar on the back driver's side. He first peeked in the window of the car, then looked down at the door, and then inside again. I could see he was puzzled as to why it was like that. As he began to adjust the door and get it closed all the way, he started peering up into my window, as if he suspected I had something to do with it. He continued trying to see into my window as he finally approach the building to come inside. I thought, why is looking in here? I didn't mess with his stupid car door. When I got home that afternoon from school, I saw the door ajar, and looked into the window to see if the dome light was on, thinking it may run the battery down, and I should maybe knock on the door and tell his wife. But the light was out, so I thought, fine, don't bother, she'll see it when she leaves again.

Whenever we are outside at the same time, maybe me coming and them going, or vice versa, I look in their direction to catch a glimpse from them to speak and they just ignore me. It's a strange, distance, awkwardness. All of my other neighbors stop and talk at the mailbox, speak, wave, smile, something. I just don't get that "warm and fuzzy" thing from my indian neighbors. My Indians neighbors often have people over, and their guest are always, always, I mean always, all Indian. I never see a mix of races coming to their get-togethers. It's like me having only all black people at every social gathering I have at my home. No mix. Ever. At all. Strange? Or not?

They seem to interact fine at work, because they don't have a choice. I just wonder is it a cultural thing, like say, I wonder how they feel about Americans as a whole? Do they buy into stereotypes about black americans, hispanic americans, or white americans? I work with a girl that is indian, but was born and raised here, although her parents are pretty traditional, and she's great.

I mean, do they really want to be in America? Or are they just here strictly out of necessity? Is it some begrudging, grueling duty to come here and make a better life? I mean, there's always England and Canada.

I just find those that come here straight from India, and weren't raised here, don't make any special effort to befriend those outside their culture. If there is anyone reading this that is Indian, help me understand.... I don't want to make assumptions.

Thanks.

[KellyCrash]

I don't really have anything to add other than what you say I have heard from others. When we were looking at homes in Morrisville near RTP the neighbors there that we spoke with said much the same. The Indian neighbors were unfriendly & not neighborly. So it's definitely not just you.

[lamishra]

I befriended one pretty well. In fact, I married him!

[thelark]

I'm not Indian but I reckon I'd avoid any social interaction with you.
Great way to judge a whole culture on one set of neighbours. Now here is my view of Americans, based on the fact Ted Bundy is my neighbour............

[techtemple]

I'm Indian and I can kinda understand what you're saying. The reason for that is cultural.

India is such a populated country, that over there if you were to smile, wave and say Hi to everyone in your neighborhood, you will never reach home! A smile is usually concluded with a talk.. A mere smile at a stranger is of no significance in India.. and if one does smile at a stranger without talking, they usually assume the person is a nut.. Also, the variety of people in India in a neighborhood is different from here. You can see kids, beggars, intellectuals, wierdos, rowdys, homeless, etc. all in one single street! So, it's rather safe to not smile over there.. In other words, in an Indian neighborhood in India, you can find people in utmost poverty who are illiterates doing menial jobs and living side by side with millionaires, etc. Every person on the street is trying to make a living and doing a business. You can see a whole family making a living out of selling tomatoes, or just bananas... a whole family may make a living just ironing clothes for the neighborhood! People view the street with a commerical angle and so 'home' is really only the house.. not the neighborhood. As a society, people are in the streets to either do business or busy going somewhere. No one has the time to smile at strangers but people will talk to strangers. The neighborhoods are not as fancy as here with a wide road, a club house, etc. A person may be sleeping in his bed (straw mat) just 10 feet away from a railway track.. and may have sound, deep sleep. Your house could share walls with a cinema hall or a shopping center. Seeing people everywhere, noise, crowd is taken for granted in India and hence people are just not used to smiling.. Because of the population, people smile at only friends or people they know. I've seen a lot of Chinese behave the same way and its perhaps the same reason. It's all cultural and depends on how you look at it. Here are a few things Indians find strange in the culture here:

Here, you may sit next to a person in a bus or train and smile at them, but never talk. In India, people may not smile at the person sitting next to you, but they will talk without even a smile. Two people may be the best friends, but they may talk without a hug, without bursting laughter and may talk for hours.. and its perfectly normal

We see a lot of artificial greetings here. You may say "How are you?" to a stranger at the grocery store and not expect anything other than a 'fine'.. But are you interested in knowing how they REALLY are? Are they in debt or they unhealthy? To many Indians, the only reason to ask this question would be to REALLY enquire how they are doing?

Here, a parent goes up to the kids room and knocks on the door asking permission to come in. To many Indians this is a strange custom and seems an overkill.. culturally we view the children as a part of oneself and so there is no personal space and definitely no privacy until they are an adult. In one way this is good because I didn't go the wrong path in my life because I knew my parents were always watching. I never had the luxury of closing the door and doing some mischief.

Here, a person may sanitize their hands after pushing the shopping cart, but may walk in shoes inside the house. This is something that all Asians and Middle easterns find strange with Americans. The east view the shoes with a dirty angle and keep it outside the house. In India, people often wash their feet before entering the house.. Ofcourse the reason for this is probably because things are much much cleaner here on the street than there but see how different the cultures are..

Here people may go out of the way to save a tree, to care for their dog, cat and make sure it has good food, shelter, etc., but put their parents in a senior housing! This is viewed by the east as insensitive, unresponsible and selfish.. Ofcourse, to people here this may seem perfectly normal..

The bottom line is that culture and family upbringing defines a lot of what we do..

[Raleighmark]

^ Thanks for an awesome and interesting post.

[jeweloflight]

Originally Posted by thelark

I'm not Indian but I reckon I'd avoid any social interaction with you.
Great way to judge a whole culture on one set of neighbours. Now here is my view of Americans, based on the fact Ted Bundy is my neighbour............

Well, it's clear that you didn't read my post properly. And I said I have quite a few Indian neighbors, I just used one family as an example. Pay attention!!

[NH2NC]

good peeps. very nice and always willing to have a chat.....

I also really enjoy Indian food.

[jeweloflight]

Originally Posted by techtemple

I'm Indian and I can kinda understand what you're saying. The reason for that is cultural.

India is such a populated country, that over there if you were to smile, wave and say Hi to everyone in your neighborhood, you will never reach home! A smile is usually concluded with a talk.. A mere smile at a stranger is of no significance in India.. and if one does smile at a stranger without talking, they usually assume the person is a nut.. Also, the variety of people in India in a neighborhood is different from here. You can see kids, beggars, intellectuals, wierdos, rowdys, homeless, etc. all in one single street! So, it's rather safe to not smile over there.. In other words, in an Indian neighborhood in India, you can find people in utmost poverty who are illiterates doing menial jobs and living side by side with millionaires, etc. Every person on the street is trying to make a living and doing a business. You can see a whole family making a living out of selling tomatoes, or just bananas... a whole family may make a living just ironing clothes for the neighborhood! People view the street with a commerical angle and so 'home' is really only the house.. not the neighborhood. As a society, people are in the streets to either do business or busy going somewhere. No one has the time to smile at strangers but people will talk to strangers. The neighborhoods are not as fancy as here with a wide road, a club house, etc. A person may be sleeping in his bed (straw mat) just 10 feet away from a railway track.. and may have sound, deep sleep. Your house could share walls with a cinema hall or a shopping center. Seeing people everywhere, noise, crowd is taken for granted in India and hence people are just not used to smiling.. Because of the population, people smile at only friends or people they know. I've seen a lot of Chinese behave the same way and its perhaps the same reason. It's all cultural and depends on how you look at it. Here are a few things Indians find strange in the culture here:

Here, you may sit next to a person in a bus or train and smile at them, but never talk. In India, people may not smile at the person sitting next to you, but they will talk without even a smile. Two people may be the best friends, but they may talk without a hug, without bursting laughter and may talk for hours.. and its perfectly normal

We see a lot of artificial greetings here. You may say "How are you?" to a stranger at the grocery store and not expect anything other than a 'fine'.. But are you interested in knowing how they REALLY are? Are they in debt or they unhealthy? To many Indians, the only reason to ask this question would be to REALLY enquire how they are doing?

Here, a parent goes up to the kids room and knocks on the door asking permission to come in. To many Indians this is a strange custom and seems an overkill.. culturally we view the children as a part of oneself and so there is no personal space and definitely no privacy until they are an adult. In one way this is good because I didn't go the wrong path in my life because I knew my parents were always watching. I never had the luxury of closing the door and doing some mischief.

Here, a person may sanitize their hands after pushing the shopping cart, but may walk in shoes inside the house. This is something that all Asians and Middle easterns find strange with Americans. The east view the shoes with a dirty angle and keep it outside the house. In India, people often wash their feet before entering the house.. Ofcourse the reason for this is probably because things are much much cleaner here on the street than there but see how different the cultures are..

Here people may go out of the way to save a tree, to care for their dog, cat and make sure it has good food, shelter, etc., but put their parents in a senior housing! This is viewed by the east as insensitive, unresponsible and selfish.. Ofcourse, to people here this may seem perfectly normal..

The bottom line is that culture and family upbringing defines a lot of what we do..

Oh, wow, thanks techtemple for those explanations!! I really got a bit of a different view! A lot of that makes sense.

I guess being raised in the south, I'm just used to people being "polite", which doesn't mean in America they want to know your every problem and secret. It just means they acknowledge you, and to smile or greet you as a sign of manners and warmth. I don't know, the way we were raised, you don't encounter someone at the door, or the mailbox, or in the driveway and everybody just acts as if no one exist. Strange....

You also have a point about asians, they too can be distant and stick their own kind. I guess culture makes a difference for sure!

Thanks for not taking my post as an offense, but taking time to explain!

[just_sayin']

Originally Posted by lamishra

I befriended one pretty well. In fact, I married him!

ME TOO!

Except she's a female, and technically Bengali. But she is just as friendly, loving and culturally American as anyone else. Born in the Bronx and raised in Rochester, NY!

I find this thread very offensive and hope it gets locked soon!