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Just wondering if its just us, or is it difficult making friends here it's just my wife and I, it just seemed easier to meet people more when our kids were young and in school. ( and that was in So. Fl.). We are originally from NYC lived in Fl for many years, we have been in the raleigh area for almost 2 yrs. and kinda homesick.... Maybe its just us in another stage of life LOL....
Actually I have found the same problem. We have been here 14 months (from California) and I thought I would meet more people before now. I am not sure what the answer is.
Yes, it is much easier to meet people when your kids are in school!!!
Have you tried Meetups.com? lots of social activities going on there. If you and your wife have a mutual interest, search for it there and see what comes up. Or each of you pursue something on your own for twice the acquaintences, then plan a gathering of your own.
Volunteering is always good also!
I have also found that sometimes it is best to plan a back yard barbeque with BYOB at your house and distribute photocopied invites to everyone on your street (or whatever). Yes, it might be awkward at first, but the people most likely to show up are likely looking for friends as well. If someone expresses an interest in X, say "We've always wanted to try that" and make a plan.
I don't think it's your imagination; it can be challenging to meet people here. Several times I've thought that those of us who experience this particular challenge should arrange to get together and trade notes (in person, I mean). As a single over-40 person I have found it difficult because I haven't fallen into common demographics. No kids, no spouse, no church affiliation (nor is one desired), and no family, and that does make it lonelier.
Gosh, I have small kids and also work full time so I meet tons of people, BUT everyone is so scheduled that it's hard to get together. And not just people with kids -- I have lots of friends that are couples without kids and they are just as scheduled.
It just seems hard to find time for socializing these day.
No kids, no spouse, no church affiliation (nor is one desired), and no family, and that does make it lonelier.
ditto, ditto & ditto...........I moved here by myself (with my 2 dogs) slightly less than 6 months ago, knowing nobody! Immediately joined the dog club to take classes I didn't need, so that I could meet people (we show in obedience) and began volunteering at the dog club.
Have been to several meetups & have met at least 2 potentially good friends.
Have joined Newcomers Club of CH and been to a few events and have met more than one person with common interests -- not soul mates, but interesting women with common interests.
i'm much more 'social' here than where I moved from, simply becuz I've made the effort, since I didn't know anybody! I need to get to know the area & to meet people!
I also travel greater distances than I did even in the DC area! having fun!
hope this didn't sound 'preachy;' wasn't meant to. In fact, I am surprised at ease of connecting.
oh, & when I have met a few ppl i've like, i've had a small dinner party. Cooking is one of my hobbies. that has kind of 'solidified' at least one friendship.
I would have a neighborhood open house, but my "neighborhood" only has 2 neighbors and 4 unsold houses & several MT lots!
I've found lots of good tips in the book "Friends & Lovers: How to Meet the People You Want to Meet" by Steve Bhaerman (yes, that's how he spells it) and Don McMillan. Their advice boils down to what other people posting here have said: find people with similar interests, go where they are, and do things with them; and friendships will develop naturally. But the book goes beyond this in giving lots of detailed tips on exactly how to do this and also what NOT to do...things that would waste your time and leave you discouraged as you look for new friends.
Since you no longer have young children who provide a natural common ground/focal point/mandatory activities (school stuff, etc.), you'll have to make more of an effort to meet people. But the bright side is, you can decide what really turns you on and look for friends who feel the same way -- and that can open up a whole new world for you and your wife.
In my former city, a few times I had "hen parties" and invited all the women (friends) I knew to my house to play board games. Thirty to forty would show up. They were people I'd met from different jobs and from college, as well as relatives and neighbors. I always laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. Everyone had a great time.
I also hosted men/women parties, and that was just as much fun, too.
I couldn't do that here. Not that I didn't try. In an effort to just meet people, I had two big parties soon after I arrived. One was a "meeting" of the Raleigh Singles Club, a potluck; and one was a group called The New Yorkers Club (now defunct). I even hired my son's piano teacher to play music. Everyone had a good time, but then that was that. (Well, I did meet my husband through the Raleigh Singles Club, so I guess it wasn't so bad. )
I know others with smaller children who moved here had a much easier time meeting friends.
I've tried a few Meetups, but I haven't found the right niche. I need a group such as: "People-seeking-people-who-want-to-laugh-so-hard-they-cry." That is my main criterion: a shared sense of humor. Not joke tellers. Just ... a good sense of humor.
It's not easy.
I just posted this sentence in another post as part of a response to a woman who wanted to get out more: "I think city-data people should get together and start a 'I want to get out more and laugh my head off' group."
Last edited by lovebrentwood; 08-29-2009 at 05:40 PM..
Meetup.com worked for me reasonably well when we moved to Rhode Island three years ago. I plan on doing the same now as we settle in here. The best friends I have made post-school, however, were friends I made through my involvement in community theatre prior to that. Find something to involve yourself with. Think about what interests you the most, and there is more than likely a group somewhere that does it, whether it be volunteering, meetup.com, etc., etc.
Well I have kids (11,13,15) have been here 3 years and yes have met a TON of people. That said we have no really close friends. No one who just comes over to hang, play games etc. like we did back in CA. I chalked it up to the fact that we had lived in our CA area for 14 years and it just takes time. However it seems there are plenty of new people in our neighborhood who don't seem to have this problem but they have younger kids all of them so they find a common ground. Don't get me wrong we socialize but it just isn't the same. We don't have our Friday night game night or grill out time or any of the scheduled weekly things we had in our last home. It makes me homesick for my friends (not CA)
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