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I am going to admit that when someone here calls me "Ma'am I cringe. I, personally, feel that Ma'am is for an older woman. I was in the grocery store when I had first moved down here and the cashier kept calling me Ma'am, after the third Ma'am I asked if she could please call me Miss instead.
My children address their teachers with yes Ma'am and No Sir. Which I feel is very appropriate.
In NJ, The only time we said Yes Ma'am or Yes Sir was to a police officer who had pulled us over.
The funny thing is, after being here for 2 years, I am always addressing my elders with yes Ma'am or yes Sir except women who are obviously younger then I am. I address them as Miss. But, if I know you were born and raised up North I do not address you as Ma'am or Sir because I know you really don't like it.
I grew up in Fayetteville with Northern born parents. My mom discouraged us from using Sir/Ma'am. She felt that retaining the Sir/Ma'am of the old south was disrespectful to blacks who were REQUIRED to address their white superiors appropriately. She felt that people who held onto that custom were attempting to maintain their superiority. (even if it was unconsciously done).
There was some flaw to this argument, as often the black teachers in my school were the most insistent upon being Sir/Ma'am-ed.
I remember one white teacher in particular who was very condescending about it. She seemed to feel she had earned the honorific. I thought she was a bully. In retrospect, I think she was probably trying to hide some rather low-class roots. She often said things like "Harvey, when God was passin' out brains, you thought he said Trains and didn't want any!"
Of course, I learned which teachers or other adults preferred it---and used it or not as it suited me. Paying attention to those nuances served me well when I moved to Richmond. If you can offer that grace to those who need it (regardless of their motivation), they will appreciate it. What goes around, comes around!
After all, you DO catch more flies with sugah than you do with vinegah!
I grew up in Fayetteville with Northern born parents. My mom discouraged us from using Sir/Ma'am. She felt that retaining the Sir/Ma'am of the old south was disrespectful to blacks who were REQUIRED to address their white superiors appropriately. She felt that people who held onto that custom were attempting to maintain their superiority. (even if it was unconsciously done).
There was some flaw to this argument, as often the black teachers in my school were the most insistent upon being Sir/Ma'am-ed.
I remember one white teacher in particular who was very condescending about it. She seemed to feel she had earned the honorific. I thought she was a bully. In retrospect, I think she was probably trying to hide some rather low-class roots. She often said things like "Harvey, when God was passin' out brains, you thought he said Trains and didn't want any!"
Of course, I learned which teachers or other adults preferred it---and used it or not as it suited me. Paying attention to those nuances served me well when I moved to Richmond. If you can offer that grace to those who need it (regardless of their motivation), they will appreciate it. What goes around, comes around!
After all, you DO catch more flies with sugah than you do with vinegah!
I would say that on #1 you are right, the area is very convenient and that does sometimes cause problems. And I've seen #2 as well.
Now the examples of the Kennedy coverage and the Telethon in #3 are a case of needing to slowly adapt to were you live now. Many southerners, including democratic ones, are not big Kennedy fans--so his death, while tragic, may not be most important to the majority. And, while I did not grow up in NC, we NEVER watched the Jerry Lewis telethon in my home (southern) state. We were at the beach or grilling or enjoying our very limited time off from a non-union working environment.
Folks in NC came together during Hurricane Floyd. Also think that NC State fans and UNC fans come together over their rivalries in various sports--you either support one or the other. If you haven't picked a side yet, you may not have acclimated
I would agree that the triangle area has so many transplants from so many different places, it will be hard to come together over anything--much like the DC suburbs.
I was an Army Brat and you better believe ma'am and sir were strictly enforced in my home. In fact we were never allowed to say "what?" when we had a question but had to use ma'am? and sir? ever then. Of course I passed this respectful way of talking to my own kids. And I use it with everybody regardless of age or race. If I need to get the attention of a waitress or salesperson I use it then too although I do try to say "Miss" if they are very young.
But now that I'm considered a senior citizen I have to say "dear", "sweetheart" and especially "Honey" make my skin crawl. And I very politely correct anybody who uses it to me. I tell them I know they are only trying to be personal but I find those terms condescending and patronizing and if they asked 10 women nine would say the same thing. My mother hated it especially in the assisted living home she lived in and took every opportunity to tell the 20 somethings she was not their dear or sweetheart and did not like to be addressed by her first name.
One time a new doctor came into the exam room and addressed her by her first name and without missing a beat she called him by his first name and he quickly changted his tune.
Is that Southern? I don't know but it is how I was raised and I intend to keep passing these ways to my family.
I now have a chance to move south, and what am I expecting? A tower of ham biscuits?
That's country ham, ma'am!! YUM!! with red eye gravy!!
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