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I am trying to create a profile description for my cousin who has many years experience as a mortgage broker, and is brand new to selling houses. This is what we've written for him so far - he insists that although his English isn't amazing, he knows that this profile is not professional enough. Does anyone have any advice on how I can make the profile sound more professional and real-estate-like?:
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The act of choosing a real estate agent is as important an investment as picking a
new home, especially in the SF East Bay Area. You must know what qualities
make them stand out, and why they are right for you. You will meet several
other clients who have learned this the hard way, and as you learn
about Buddy let us walk through the essential skills you must look for in
your agent:
Why Consult Someone with Excellent, Proven Negotiation Skills?
At some point in the deal, there comes a time when you just have to hold
your breath and let your agent do the talking. As a buyer or a seller your
emotional attachment to the transaction does impact your ability to
negotiate terms & prices, potentially causing you to either pay more or sell for less. This is why it is important to consult someone like Buddy as your “professional negotiator”. With Buddy, you don’t have to worry about the hassle of negotiating with real estate agents, builders, and contractors you meet with. In the end not only do you save thousands, but Buddy gets it done quicker and more efficiently than his competition.
Buddy is not only a real estate agent, he is also a mortgage broker and has
practical knowledge of the critical challenges clients face with
financing. Buddy often actively travels and views properties personally, with experience flipping properties as well. This makes him an invaluable team member for investors and those seeking income flipping houses. With Buddy on your side you get the power of a skilled professional with
connections to low rates, custom financing and no closing costs.
Why Consult a Finance Guru with 15+ Years Mortgage Experience as Your Real Estate Agent?
Consult someone like Buddy who understands the whole process of going in and out of escrow. Not many real estate agents can always be there to help you with finances & guide you, and one must understand how the entire ecosystem (comprised of financial
institutions, title companies, insurance providers, etc.) coexists in your
transaction.
Why Consult a Local Realtor?
In real estate, the three most notable factors are location, location, and
location. Hiring a local real estate agent that understands local pricing,
school rankings, and city ordinances is imperative. Buddy is a local resident giving back to
the East Bay for over two decades. A local real estate agent operates in a place they
call home, and won’t just operate from a logical point of view, but from
an emotional standpoint as well.
Why Consult Someone with a Customer-First Approach?
In today’s real estate and mortgage industry, a customer-centric real estate agent is essential.
You want someone who thinks about your interests first. He is not focused
on making a quick buck and knows that long-term, your success means his
success.
WHY BUDDY?
Buddy is a one-stop solution who knows how to make your home-buying straightforward and
uncomplicated. Listening to your needs, Buddy brings his finance
background to real estate to solve your problems quicker and smoother, delivering the
best service in the industry.
Buddy is goal-oriented and prioritizes his clients' needs and
requirements. Hundreds have put themselves in Buddy's care because he
treats his clients like family, leading with honesty, addressing all your
issues and avoiding dilemmas before they even start.
If you have already consulted Buddy, you are in safe hands with someone who
will actively find you the best deal possible.
For a free consultation with Buddy about your real estate needs, give him a call
at 925.200.5800 and become his newest success story.
Buddy lives with his wife and 10-month-old daughter in the Pleasanton area that he supports with his passion for real estate. Outside of work he also extends his care to the Boy & Girl Scouts of America and works with programs that support the less fortunate. References in your community available upon request.
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Thanks in advance!
Ray
Last edited by rayjones1217; 05-16-2017 at 05:17 PM..
Got some good points, but I would suggest to shorten it up. A little too much information. Some potential customers might be put off by this much material. I am sure others will offer more advice.
The original copy is waaaaay too long. So I would do something like this, and plug in whatever language you see fit. But be specific and concise.
Focus on some quick soundbites and give people information that is easily digested.
Why Choose Buddy As Your Realtor?
Here’s three reasons.
1) He’s local.
Buddy knows all about “location, location, location” and called the Bay Area home for 20 years! Go with someone who knows local pricing, schools and other important details inside and out.
2) He knows numbers.
Buddy has over 15 years of mortgage experience, and can guide you to low rates, custom financing and no closing costs.
3) He helps people find their way home.
Buddy has worked with hundreds of satisfied clients, helping them make one of life’s most important decisions. He can do the same for you.
That bio is way too long. I didn't bother reading past the first paragraph.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xelfer
The original copy is waaaaay too long. So I would do something like this, and plug in whatever language you see fit. But be specific and concise.
Focus on some quick soundbites and give people information that is easily digested.
Why Choose Buddy As Your Realtor?
Here’s three reasons.
1) He’s local.
Buddy knows all about “location, location, location” and called the Bay Area home for 20 years! Go with someone who knows local pricing, schools and other important details inside and out.
2) He knows numbers.
Buddy has over 15 years of mortgage experience, and can guide you to low rates, custom financing and no closing costs.
3) He helps people find their way home.
Buddy has worked with hundreds of satisfied clients, helping them make one of life’s most important decisions. He can do the same for you.
Call Buddy at 925.200.5800 today.
This sums it up succinctly - except don't write "Here's three reason" it should be "Here are three reasons". I also think it's worth mentioning he's bilingual.
That bio is way too long. I didn't bother reading past the first paragraph.
This sums it up succinctly - except don't write "Here's three reason" it should be "Here are three reasons". I also think it's worth mentioning he's bilingual.
Absolutely.
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