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Old 03-04-2012, 02:35 PM
 
Location: US Empire, Pac NW
5,002 posts, read 12,360,632 times
Reputation: 4125

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I'm in the process of buying a house in the Puget Sound region. It's a big house, I'm getting it for a great price for the size and location, and it will fit my future family nicely. The wife likes the location and the house. I like the fact my commute will be cut by two-thirds.

I realize the financial incentives of buying in this market. For the price of renting in a highly desirable area like I am now I can own a twice bigger place in a more bedroom community like area that's still close to plenty of bus lines. Prices have stabilized here, and I actually got into a little bidding war for this house. I have no doubt that growth in the area will increase values over time.

Now, I will be draining almost all my liquid assets (read mine: my wife won't be touching hers, but I don't want her to touch hers since she is between jobs right now) to buy this home, and just seeing all the zeros for the checks I'm writing and will owe is making my head spin.

It's just the "cold feet" of buying.

I'm willing to bet people went through a similar thing. It's the fear of the unknown and knowing that I will be responsible for appliances, maintenance, etc. that I'm starting to question whether buying is right for me.

What have others done in response to this? Is this normal? Is this a sign I should NOT be buying, after all?
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Old 03-04-2012, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
4,280 posts, read 12,667,816 times
Reputation: 3750
Quote:
Originally Posted by eskercurve View Post
I'm in the process of buying a house in the Puget Sound region. It's a big house, I'm getting it for a great price for the size and location, and it will fit my future family nicely. The wife likes the location and the house. I like the fact my commute will be cut by two-thirds.

I realize the financial incentives of buying in this market. For the price of renting in a highly desirable area like I am now I can own a twice bigger place in a more bedroom community like area that's still close to plenty of bus lines. Prices have stabilized here, and I actually got into a little bidding war for this house. I have no doubt that growth in the area will increase values over time.

Now, I will be draining almost all my liquid assets (read mine: my wife won't be touching hers, but I don't want her to touch hers since she is between jobs right now) to buy this home, and just seeing all the zeros for the checks I'm writing and will owe is making my head spin.

It's just the "cold feet" of buying.

I'm willing to bet people went through a similar thing. It's the fear of the unknown and knowing that I will be responsible for appliances, maintenance, etc. that I'm starting to question whether buying is right for me.

What have others done in response to this? Is this normal? Is this a sign I should NOT be buying, after all?

It is a very well known situation. It is called Buyers Remorse. Google it.
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Old 03-04-2012, 03:39 PM
 
5,696 posts, read 19,144,742 times
Reputation: 8699
Quote:
Originally Posted by eskercurve View Post
I'm in the process of buying a house in the Puget Sound region. It's a big house, I'm getting it for a great price for the size and location, and it will fit my future family nicely. The wife likes the location and the house. I like the fact my commute will be cut by two-thirds.

I realize the financial incentives of buying in this market. For the price of renting in a highly desirable area like I am now I can own a twice bigger place in a more bedroom community like area that's still close to plenty of bus lines. Prices have stabilized here, and I actually got into a little bidding war for this house. I have no doubt that growth in the area will increase values over time.

Now, I will be draining almost all my liquid assets (read mine: my wife won't be touching hers, but I don't want her to touch hers since she is between jobs right now) to buy this home, and just seeing all the zeros for the checks I'm writing and will owe is making my head spin.

It's just the "cold feet" of buying.

I'm willing to bet people went through a similar thing. It's the fear of the unknown and knowing that I will be responsible for appliances, maintenance, etc. that I'm starting to question whether buying is right for me.

What have others done in response to this? Is this normal? Is this a sign I should NOT be buying, after all?
Well let's see....before we bought our house. I didnt sleep for weeks. My husband tends to keep his anxiety on the inside, so over a span of 4 weeks lost his wallet, bashed his head several times at work and fell down the stars once. I finally told him he needs to express how worried he is about buying the house before he kills himself. It is very common to start freaking out before a home purchase. What helped me is that I finally told myself (we had some major glitches during our process like our mortgage company folding 2 weeks before close) if it is meant to be, then it will happen. My mom came down the day we closed. She insisted on taking our picture in the house. The photo would make you laugh. My husband and I looked like we were miserable. LOL. I think the excitement finally kicked in a few hours later.

Dont fret, what you are feeling is perfectly normal.
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Old 03-04-2012, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
1,343 posts, read 1,372,421 times
Reputation: 2794
I agree, it's normal, and . . . brace yourself because it might get worse before it gets better! (She writes, as she remembers her first night sleeping in her "new" house that needed thousands of dollars worth of repair right off the bat, head resting on a "pillow" made of winter coats because she forgot to pack pillows in the back of the U-Haul.) The moving-in period lasts longer than you think possible, you will likely feel like you have ZERO control over your day-to-day life for a while, and it's really expensive to set up house again.

It is scary sinking so much liquidity into the house, I agree. (It sounds like this is your first purchase?) But - to the extent you can - just pace yourself on the appliance/furniture purchases and maintenance, and you will probably much feel less scared as you get used to it, and start to build up at least some financial cushion again.

And please don't despair. Reading your initial post, it sounds from the outside like you have made a great decision and a great purchase, so I bet that eventually you will be delighted.

Good luck!
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Old 03-04-2012, 08:52 PM
 
Location: El Dorado Hills, CA
3,720 posts, read 9,998,561 times
Reputation: 3927
Buyers Remorse is common. Expect it and try to figure out what to do about it. If it's for real reasons, maybe time to cancel. If it's just a normal emotional reaction, try to ignore it.
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Old 03-04-2012, 09:51 PM
 
Location: US Empire, Pac NW
5,002 posts, read 12,360,632 times
Reputation: 4125
Quote:
Originally Posted by NinaN View Post
Buyers Remorse is common. Expect it and try to figure out what to do about it. If it's for real reasons, maybe time to cancel. If it's just a normal emotional reaction, try to ignore it.
You know this is the ticket.

What I did was take last year's bank statements and said "OK, how much did we save last year?" So we calculated it out and came up with X.

X came out to be well above the added cost of taxes and stuff that we'll pay as homeowners.

On top of that, I paid off a car loan and went on travel three times to Chicago (a crazy travel year). And we over-paid taxes by a lot (way too conservative, this time I've got the right exemptions on my W4, oops!). And had an expensive car year (thousands in needed repairs, ouch!).

So basically if we kept our current lifestyle unchanged we could afford a home and still have savings left at the end of the month. And I just got my salary notice for the next 12 months and got a bump in pay so that's nice.

And we've factored in closing costs in how much money we have on hand plus a buffer in case there's more costs than we anticipated.

So I think financially we're sound.

The wife took 8 hours of walking around the new neighborhood and basically she likes it. Easy bus access, good family atmosphere, lots of parks, etc. I like it for much the same reasons and because it's about 20 miles closer to work (but not too close that I'm reminded of it).

I also absolutely refuse to raise a family in apartments because (IMHO) renters here suck, are thieves and have zero respect for others and the landlady is just a cog in a corporate behemoth and is trying to make her 1st grade grammar be acceptable to the higher-ups as she bilks the residents for more money.

All in all it makes all the right sense to buy.

It's just "YIKES!" sensation of knowing I will be responsible for my own four walls instead of basically nothing as a renter. Basically I gotta grow a pair maybe? LOL.

Last edited by eskercurve; 03-04-2012 at 10:02 PM..
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Old 03-04-2012, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Salem, OR
15,577 posts, read 40,434,848 times
Reputation: 17473
It is totally normal, but I agree that sometimes you have buyer's remorse for a good reason. You need to know which this is. I tell most of my anxious clients that they will call me about 30 days after they have moved in and wonder why it took so long to buy a house. My last client called me after one week and said it only took them a week to realize it was the right choice for them.

The fact is that buying a house is a HUGE transition in your life. It is a big deal. Packing and moving isn't most people's idea of fun, but I have yet to find a buyer that wasn't happy after that first month in the house. So what to do about it? Talk with your friends, wife, agent about it. Know that you aren't weird or there is something wrong with you because you are anxious. Take a deep breath and cut yourself some slack for being nervous.
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Old 03-05-2012, 12:19 AM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,846 posts, read 3,940,305 times
Reputation: 3376
For some of us, the idea of paying such a huge amount of money at the closing (for down payment, closing costs, and so on), is absolutely terrifying. I know that for me, that cashier's check represented many times as much as I had ever spent in one day in my life. If that is the reason for your cold feet, then I would say that is normal and a feeling that is shared by many.

House closings are so difficult, for many reasons. So many details all have to "come together" on time, and just when you think all is working out, BOOM! Unexpected emotions can suddenly descend that you don't expect. For me, everything was much better the day after closing and I hope the same is true for you.
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Old 03-05-2012, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Manhattan
1,871 posts, read 4,266,503 times
Reputation: 2937
I didn't have buyers remorse for a second. I couldn't hand that bank check over quick enough, snatch my keys and run to my new home. The next day I had my fridge and stove on order and had a contractor ready to make some renovations--all paid for in cash. Actually, it was stressful trying to decide what flooring I wanted in the kitchen. lol But that was it.

However, the OP mentioned he was draining himself financially and that his wife was between jobs. For that reason, I'm wondering if he hasn't overextended himself a bit by making this purchase. Anyway, I hear Puget Sound is a fantastic area.
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Old 03-05-2012, 04:19 PM
 
Location: US Empire, Pac NW
5,002 posts, read 12,360,632 times
Reputation: 4125
Now it's the wife's turn! LOL!

So basically today I saw the doctor and they wanted me to give blood and gave a sample of bodily fluids, etc. for some lab tests. Basically to see if I have an infection or something, anyway, ...

This brought out all the little gremlins hiding in my wife's mind. She suddenly saw her alone in the world without me to support the family (she is at first going to be a at-home mom, maybe permanently, who knows), and unable to make house payments, etc. I told her she was overreacting and she's on her PMS so she's a whole bag of confused hormonal ejections and nasty sorts that I, as a male, can't even begin to understand.

Now, I'm blessed to have a wonderful company to work for. They would give a death benefit of 4x my annual salary if I died, plus more if I died at work, and I have supplemental health insurance. That would more than pay for final rites and pay off the house with money to spare. I also have accident insurance and other car insurance to cover those aspects. I have a benefit which allows sick leave up to a couple years and they pay a part of my salary and keep the same benefits.

So basically we're insured.

But she's from Japan. There, employers can fire employees if they have cancer or can't work anymore with no repercussions and even though it is illegal few cases come about because of employees not "wanting to be a burden" on the company. So this is a very real and very scary possibility for her even though I've assured her 100% this cannot happen in the USA and if it did she should call a lawyer and sue for heaps of money (which hasn't happened in my company in years since they've learned their lesson).

Any clues on how to address the wife's concerns? I think she's being unreasonable a bit but I'm glad she's considering everything. I can't begin to wonder how often this actually happens and what % of homebuyers run into serious trouble the first few months because of some major accident or problem that costs $$$.

The only thing I agreed with her about is if one of us can't make kids (like I'm shooting blanks or her eggs can't attach, or whatever). Then a 4 bed house is way too big for the two of us alone. We said we could be open to adoption in that case.
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