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Old 06-25-2014, 11:26 AM
 
Location: where the three rivers meet
11 posts, read 16,793 times
Reputation: 31

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I sympathize with you.

After renting for fifteen years and saving money, I was ready to buy my own home. Looked for a few months but nothing touched me. Then, I found the one. I put $7000 over asking. The person who got the house went $30,000 over. I was the back up offer (and I didn't hold my breath). Turns out (after I looked on the county property website) the buyers only paid $500 more than my offer... I don't know how that happened. Well I have an idea, but it's only a guess.

So, after another couple of months looking for another house, I settled and bought a different house bc it was in great condition, a good location, and fit most of my needs. I don't love it at all. I really don't. I tolerate it wishing I would have waited to buy another house, but I put my emotions aside and used reason. I know that everyone says it's just business, but buying a house was more than that for me. Yep, I kept emotion out of it and settled. It's like people who marry or stay with someone because of practical reasons or convenience, but it's not a true, deep love.

I still go on zillow to look at the house I lost and drive by now and then. I'm a little sad, but there is nothing I can do or could do. It wasn't meant to be.
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Old 06-25-2014, 11:54 AM
 
Location: The Bayou State
688 posts, read 1,094,996 times
Reputation: 966
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3RiversNymph View Post
...but I put my emotions aside and used reason. I know that everyone says it's just business, but buying a house was more than that for me. Yep, I kept emotion out of it and settled.
Taking emotion out of the home buying process has nothing to do with "settling."

You rented for 15 years, and you got too excited and jumped the gun. That's all. You actually did not take emotion out of it after all - you were emotionally wounded by the loss of the first house, and on the rebound you settled.
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Old 06-25-2014, 12:10 PM
Status: "Springtime!" (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Jollyville, TX
5,848 posts, read 11,843,637 times
Reputation: 10847
Buying a house is emotional. I can detach myself from buying a car or any other major purchase, but you're not just buying a dwelling, you are buying your home which is an important part of your life.

We had a similar situation. We built our dream home but 18 years later, it didn't make sense to be in that part of town. We decided to buy in a very specific area just as the market was turning. We looked at so many houses that were just plain awful and even put an offer in on one we didn't really like because we thought we'd never find what we were looking for. Fortunately the sellers declined the offer and we walked away. A few weeks later, we found the perfect house. It was listed on Sunday, we looked at it 10:00 Monday and our realtor drew up a contract and submitted it that day. We found out there was another contract that was already accepted. I felt very defeated and was almost ready to give up.

A week later my realtor called with the news that the other contract fell through and asked if we wanted it. So, happy ending to my story, but I can certainly relate to the feeling we had when we thought we weren't going to get that house.
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Old 06-25-2014, 12:11 PM
 
12,003 posts, read 11,809,131 times
Reputation: 22680
Way back when, I thought I'd found the perfect house. It was in a nice neighborhood and was older - sort of storybook style. It included French doors between the living and dining rooms, lots of quirkily shaped closets and attic spaces upstairs, was the right size - but oh, man, did it need maintenance and updating. No storm windows (or even screens) or storm doors, old furnace, old bathrooms, old kitchen, neglected yard - I was single, worked full-time, wasn't handy, and had no similarly aged relatives close by and only a few handy friends to lend a hand with fix-ups. But that house had so much charm...and so much potential. I found myself choosing paint colors, planning landscaping, trying to see how far my limited budget could stretch...dreaming of how nice that house might someday be.

Then my good realtor took me to another house, also in a good neighborhood, near parks, schools, shopping, and less than five minutes from my workplace. I walked in, and immediately knew where my furniture should go. The house was in good shape - needed a few updates, but was quite livable as it was, had great "flow", its own charm, a large yard with mature trees and flowerbeds just waiting to be planted, and I spent seventeen happy years living there.

In hindsight, I am so thankful that I didn't make an offer on the first house, cute as it was. It would have been a money pit, at a time when my finances were quite limited, and it would have frustrated me not to have been able to make the changes which were so clearly needed. But it sure was cute, and surely did have potential...

Now, long out of the house I did purchase, I have many fond memories of it and a bit of regret that I couldn't remain there, but I know it was absolutely the right house for me at the time, and a house which brought me a lot of happiness.

Good luck to you - I hope the truly right house will turn up soon.
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Old 06-25-2014, 12:25 PM
 
70 posts, read 95,611 times
Reputation: 121
Default Seriously, U Are Not Serious. 4real. Like You are not Serious

Quote:
Originally Posted by Niceguy17 View Post
We found our perfect house after months of searching. We put in a strong offer at over $100K above list and still lost. I am unfamiliar with this feeling. Is the grief normal? I am feeling significant anger and depression. I actually in a moment of anger wished that the house would burn down (I feel bad about that now). I don't know if I can take this happening again. Is this normal? I just want to rent now and give up on the house search completely. What do you guys do to deal with this? My wife and I are really beside ourselves....
"offer at over $100K above list and still lost" Why are you angry?; 'cause your priorities are screwed up? Assuming the home was $100k you were willing to pay 2? That would've bought 3 very descent homes in Metro Atlanta,GA. GOD constantly throws tennis balls at us to show us whats important and we just walk off the court. Evaluate whats important. "You never loose things that are meant for you; they are simple given to those who they are truly meant for" #IJustMadeThatUp #IHaveToWriteThatDown Buy a cheaper home in nice neighborhood. Not suggesting you live like a bum. Just appreciate that in this economy you are above water. Then thank GOD u still have $ for groceries. Screw gas prices; Food costs are the real issue. *Tune next time for the topic "Honey I took a pay cut from $200k a year to $150k. Please don't Divorce me!" Thanks for watching & see you next time on "Rich People Problems" # laughing #ButItsReallyNotFuuny #RichPeopleProblemsAirsEverydayAndtheMiddleClassHa vetoWatch
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Old 06-25-2014, 12:41 PM
 
Location: The Bayou State
688 posts, read 1,094,996 times
Reputation: 966
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlady View Post
Buying a house is emotional. I can detach myself from buying a car or any other major purchase, but you're not just buying a dwelling, you are buying your home which is an important part of your life.
A house is not a home. You can't buy a home; you make wherever you are living your home (or not). And you certainly don't need to own a house to make a home - some of the best "homes" I have ever lived in were rentals.

Why is it emotional? Probably because of the "American Dream / white picket fence" fairy tale that has been beaten into people for the last 50 years. And if people didn't figure out that myth in the 2006 peak and crash in house prices, they will never learn and will repeat the same mistakes.

Ignore the fairy tale and you are on the path to draining the emotion out of home buying.

Many young people today (like my 20-something kids) just don't have the house ownership bug that has afflicted older generations (like mine).
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Old 06-25-2014, 01:08 PM
 
Location: deep woods
404 posts, read 893,220 times
Reputation: 574
Default romancing the home

Hopefully there are a lot of little take-aways here. One of them is you are learning what it takes to be the one who gets the deal in your market. You certainly gave it a great effort. But it sounds like you are just beginning to get your feet wet in your quest to get a home.

It is often the case that a Buyer in a market such as you are in will make many offers and be in the hunt for a while before they have the total feel for what it takes. The price is not the price. The price is what it takes to get the deal.

As I tell family, don't wait to date only someone who you think you want to marry; date people knowing they are not the one and be learning. Make a few offers. It seems you are coming up empty but you are not, you are learning. It will happen.

This could be one of those times ( in your market) where you write that personal letter mentioned in another thread. They can work.
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Old 06-25-2014, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Backwoods of Maine
7,485 posts, read 10,433,284 times
Reputation: 21455
I gotta say, this threw me. Upset over "losing" a house???

But OK, I can see you had your heart set on it. I gather that you are either 1) spoiled and used to getting what you want, or 2) very young and not mature enough to realize that you can't always have everything you want. In short, no...I never fell in love with a house. I very much love my wife of 40 years, and my children and grandchildren, and would be devastated if I lost one of those. But a house? There are plenty of houses all over, and none of them will ever love you back.

A house is an inanimate object. It can never be "perfect" for you, nor respond to you in any way. You need to get a life, and likely need to grow up some.

(BTW, have you figured out how long you'd have to work to pay that $100K plus interest?)
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Old 06-25-2014, 01:46 PM
 
494 posts, read 845,105 times
Reputation: 723
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nor'Eastah View Post
I gotta say, this threw me. Upset over "losing" a house???

But OK, I can see you had your heart set on it. I gather that you are either 1) spoiled and used to getting what you want, or 2) very young and not mature enough to realize that you can't always have everything you want. In short, no...I never fell in love with a house. I very much love my wife of 40 years, and my children and grandchildren, and would be devastated if I lost one of those. But a house? There are plenty of houses all over, and none of them will ever love you back.

A house is an inanimate object. It can never be "perfect" for you, nor respond to you in any way. You need to get a life, and likely need to grow up some.

(BTW, have you figured out how long you'd have to work to pay that $100K plus interest?)
I'm neither young nor immature. You know nothing about me. I don't see how people are not recognizing a little hyperbole. Obviously I do not compare missing out on a house to losing my wife or kids. Why would you even think that from the internet post? There are levels of sadness. This is worse than skinning my knee, and obviously much better than someone dying. I didn't think that needed to be said.

And like I said before. Congratulations to all of you out there who put no emotional attachment on the place you live. I for one have owned 3 houses and have had an emotional attachment to each one. The one I'm living in now makes me happy every time I go into it, but I have to move to another area. Maybe that makes me sappy, or immature or whatever, but I know for certain it does not make me unique.

Where you live has such a large influence on my quality of life. Safety, Space, commute, etc. I don't see how you can fault someone for getting a little emotional about it.

I just came to a message forum to vent about the frustration of the situation. I looked at hundreds of houses only to see them snapped up or not ideal in some way. We find the house that not only checks all our boxes but gave us a visceral reaction. You make an offer that tends toward overpaying and basically someone swoops in and says no matter what you pay, they will pay more.

So instead of continuing to bid up, we walked and we were sad.

I've said that after sleeping on it, I'll probably be happy I didn't go forward, but it still stings less than a day later.

I really don't get why people feel the need to call me immature or otherwise insult me.

To all the people who were encouraging, thanks.
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Old 06-25-2014, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Salem, OR
15,496 posts, read 40,201,810 times
Reputation: 17364
I actually don't think the OP is weird, spoiled, or needs psychological treatment. It is very common for people to fall in love with a home and think they will never find a home as good as that one.

There are many people that are attached to this inanimate object, and their physical home and property is what destresses them. It is my experience that people that tend to become easily anxious and depressed are those that get attached to homes. I can also say that I have had buyers let their anxiety over losing the one that got away, buy homes that I didn't think were the best homes for them, rather than wait. Those that regain their composure and wait will always find a home that is as good or better than the one they lost. It always works out.

I had some clients that were struggling to find what they wanted. Lost out on a house in multiple offers. They decided to stop looking for a bit as it was too stressful. I kept an eye out for them as I knew what they wanted. I called them up 6 weeks later and said I just walked into their new home and wanted them to come and see it. It was way better than the first house they lost, and they still live there.
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