Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We found our perfect house after months of searching. We put in a strong offer at over $100K above list and still lost. I am unfamiliar with this feeling. Is the grief normal? I am feeling significant anger and depression. I actually in a moment of anger wished that the house would burn down (I feel bad about that now). I don't know if I can take this happening again. Is this normal? I just want to rent now and give up on the house search completely. What do you guys do to deal with this? My wife and I are really beside ourselves....
Was this the only house you found that you feel met your needs and wants? There were not any others? I think you should jump back in and try again if you really want to own a home. I think that part of the depression was maybe that you had already become attached to the home, pictured and planned to be living in it and when you lost the bidding it may have felt that it was already yours and they took it away and that now the new owners are living in your house.
I do honestly worry that in this inflated housing market the end of the rising prices is near and there may be a market correction. I worry that this is a bubble about to pop and if so losing out is a good thing.
I actually don't think the OP is weird, spoiled, or needs psychological treatment. It is very common for people to fall in love with a home and think they will never find a home as good as that one.
There are many people that are attached to this inanimate object, and their physical home and property is what destresses them. It is my experience that people that tend to become easily anxious and depressed are those that get attached to homes. I can also say that I have had buyers let their anxiety over losing the one that got away, buy homes that I didn't think were the best homes for them, rather than wait. Those that regain their composure and wait will always find a home that is as good or better than the one they lost. It always works out.
I had some clients that were struggling to find what they wanted. Lost out on a house in multiple offers. They decided to stop looking for a bit as it was too stressful. I kept an eye out for them as I knew what they wanted. I called them up 6 weeks later and said I just walked into their new home and wanted them to come and see it. It was way better than the first house they lost, and they still live there.
Well I hope it works out for us. Our realtor asked us if we wanted to go after our second choice house. I told her that I was afraid we would do something stupid because we were upset over the last one and that we needed to take a break. Like I said earlier, the farther I get away from when it happened, the more I realize it might be for the best that we didn't wildly overpay.
Was this the only house you found that you feel met your needs and wants? There were not any others? I think you should jump back in and try again if you really want to own a home. I think that part of the depression was maybe that you had already become attached to the home, pictured and planned to be living in it and when you lost the bidding it may have felt that it was already yours and they took it away and that now the new owners are living in your house.
I do honestly worry that in this inflated housing market the end of the rising prices is near and there may be a market correction. I worry that this is a bubble about to pop and if so losing out is a good thing.
The area we looking at has very limited inventory. This was probably the best of about a hundred we looked at and nothing else was even close.
I do think you are right. We had written such a strong offer, we got attached to the house and pictured ourselves there.
"There's always another house" has to be the mantra of anyone looking to buy. If there's nothing on the market there, drive around and put a note in the mailbox of any house that you're interested in, saying we're looking to buy in this area, so if you're interested in selling, please call us. I know people who've done this successfully in tight markets.
My husband and I looked for over a year for a home with some very specific parameters (acreage, mature woods, within a specific area), we looked at a whole bunch of homes. We did avoid a couple of homes because there were active multiple offers as we weren't interested in a bidding war. We found a very charming log home, it was the first one that we liked well enough to make a offer on. I really fell in love with it. It went to another offer, a lower offer, which was cash only (turns out that log homes can be hard to finance, and the owners knew it). I really felt crushed, bitterly disappointed.
It isn't a bad idea to take a step back and relax, like you said, you don't want to make an offer just to make an offer. But don't step all the way away.
I gotta say, this threw me. Upset over "losing" a house???
A house is an inanimate object. It can never be "perfect" for you, nor respond to you in any way. You need to get a life, and likely need to grow up some.
(BTW, have you figured out how long you'd have to work to pay that $100K plus interest?)
I think your comment was uncalled for. Many buyers get (not always intentionally) emotionally wrapped up and excited about a house they found and tried to bid on. Whether this "throws you" or not, it happens. All.the.time.
It doesn't make them immature... or lacking a life.
You sound very rude and judgmental. Just my two cents.
Well I hope it works out for us. Our realtor asked us if we wanted to go after our second choice house. I told her that I was afraid we would do something stupid because we were upset over the last one and that we needed to take a break. Like I said earlier, the farther I get away from when it happened, the more I realize it might be for the best that we didn't wildly overpay.
Imagine a year or so from now... the house needs some major repair. How would you feel knowing you had paid $100,000 too much for the house? That's crazy.
I can almost guarantee you that you will look back on this one day and be very grateful that you did not get that house! When it is meant to be - it will be.
Well I hope it works out for us. Our realtor asked us if we wanted to go after our second choice house. I told her that I was afraid we would do something stupid because we were upset over the last one and that we needed to take a break. Like I said earlier, the farther I get away from when it happened, the more I realize it might be for the best that we didn't wildly overpay.
We ended up getting the fifth house we bid on. What a process! And that was of the 5 that met my rather stringent criteria in a really hot market. Yes - it was really frustrating and disheartening to go in with a strong offer, escalation clause, etc, and get beat out by a duffel bag full of cash and no contingencies. Happened more than once, and we had to use your 'step back' strategy a time or two. I could have happily pictured myself living in any of them. I'm sorry - it sucks, and yes, it's depressing. But we decided we didn't want to compromise our criteria despite the fact that the clock was ticking on the place we were living. If worse came to worse we'd put our stuff into storage and rent a studio. It did help to have a fallback plan.
And then two weeks before we had to make a decision about what to do with our living situation - we found it! The place we ended up with? It was in our absolutely ideal location, the perfect size, great floor plan, a view to die for, and $100K under budget! It did need paint and new carpet, but that was a drop in the bucket compared to what we had been willing to spend. We still can't believe we got it, and we're now SOSO glad that those other ones got away!
Just keep your criteria in mind, and don't let a setback make you question yourself. You've already loved 3 houses in your life - there will be more. I'm sorry it didn't work out.
I don't think it's right for anyone of these jackals to tell you how to feel, OP, let alone if that feeling is 'proper.' Emotions are a natural reaction to stimuli. You feeling as you do is wholly reasonable given your level of emotional investment in the property, and your sense of loss over not getting it. We as humans have the capacity to suppose, and the 'what ifs' run rampant in situations like this, only adding to the overall sense of grief.
I would give it a week or two and return to the search. As for solace, the only words I can offer are these: it was not meant to be. If you did not get this house, it was because another house was where you were supposed to end up. I'm not going to harangue you with some 'God has a plan' speech, but my spouse was earlier this spring devastated because he didn't get a particular job. A few months later, he got something much better in a place we would rather live. If he hadn't lost that first job, we'd never be in a better situation. So just try to rest easy for a bit and reenter the hunt.
I gotta say, this threw me. Upset over "losing" a house???
But OK, I can see you had your heart set on it. I gather that you are either 1) spoiled and used to getting what you want, or 2) very young and not mature enough to realize that you can't always have everything you want. In short, no...I never fell in love with a house. I very much love my wife of 40 years, and my children and grandchildren, and would be devastated if I lost one of those. But a house? There are plenty of houses all over, and none of them will ever love you back.
A house is an inanimate object. It can never be "perfect" for you, nor respond to you in any way. You need to get a life, and likely need to grow up some.
(BTW, have you figured out how long you'd have to work to pay that $100K plus interest?)
Wow, way to be condescending and insulting.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
