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I dunno, running an animal bordello might get you into all kinds of trouble: PETA, animal control, the vice squad, your local pimp association...
Me, I'd just sell the ape on ebay and get on with cleaning up the house. But I'm boring and practical like that.
Of course I say this while I am curled up in bed resting my computer on the Pink Blankie of Death, which I acquired when a house was empty all except for it and a very used looking hospital bed. I put the bed on craiglist and washed the blanket a lot of times. Hey, free blanket.
Install trunk monkey on your car, pull into the garage and set it on "ape removal". (google trunk monkey for those of you that have missed out on this wonderful device)
Alternatively, find a rabbit, preferably named Bugs. I've watched several of his documentaries produced by Warner Bros. on how to deal with apes, tazmanian devils and assorted hunters and whatnot.
I would orang for an ape removal technician to clear the house immediately. Gorilla gotta make sure all traces are removed or they'll come back in even greater numbers.
Location: Living near our Nation's Capitol since 2010
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Apes are particularly intelligent. I suggest you perform training exercises for this primate. It could be made into a very good..and free...house helper. Pay particular attentio to training in cleaning, cooking and driving.
I imagine the tearing off of your friend's arm was quite unpleasant but did the distraction of the, "something sexual" ease the pain? You might want to have the ape spayed/neutered to reduce its aggressiveness and sexual appetite.
The ape was probably considered a fixture and, therefore, conveyed with the house. You could always go get another ape for it to play with. Maybe that would stop if from ripping people's limbs off.
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