Ok, we are so terrible...challenge. (points, HOA, house, neighborhood)

[eyeye]

Originally Posted by southbel

So you would be unable to float a construction loan while you stay in your current home? Since you're looking at about a year from the time your husband finds a job until he actually has to start, that should give you ample time to build, if you so desired. I wouldn't have recommended this strategy in 2008, for example, but the real estate market in many locations (Houston being one of them, I believe) has rebounded strongly. So, it would be a calculated risk to build another home before you sell yours but perhaps it's a risk that would ultimately be worth it given your very specific set of criteria.

I didn't know it was an option. Thanks, I will look into that.

[Informed Info]

Originally Posted by Jkgourmet

I've not agreed with most of the OP's expectations (that Realtors would help with husband on stairs, finding accessible homes, and her belief that her comments on this board was anything less than abrasive), but these comments DO **** ME off.

You both have thin skins.

Read more carefully: Husband is the main breadwinner in the family and like any GOOD father, is a caregiver for the kids. The idea thst someone in a wheelchair is unfit or unabke to care for his kids is ugly, prejudiced and totally ridiculous. Homes need to be accommodated properly, and the OP is certainly cognizant and oprn to that. And can afford it.

I read it. You NEED to read more carefully b/c she said he is the main caregiver.

Don't twist it. SHE said her husband couldn't get to an "unfinished" basement if a kid got hurt. Not me. SHE did.

I agree that her comments about her husband's education, intelligence, etc were snooty. Obnoxious, even. But (if we take her at her word, which I pretty much do), he is a researcher in the medical field. If he is at the upper crust, a research institute/hospital would absolutely recruit like hell to get him AND wait a year if they had to. Some of these specialist researchers are very nearly 'one of a kind,' and I'm willing to accept (blind faith) that this describes OP's husband professionally. She is justifiably proud of him.

And this is the internet where anyone can pretend to be anything.

[quote}Read more carefully and you will find that it is the husband who resists hiring "helpers" to assist him. This is false pride, IMHO (and yes, I had an 18 month period of disability, so I DO have a bit of personal experience). He foolishly puts an added burden on the OP, his wife. My biggest problem is that I can't figure out why husband thinks it is fine for a Realtor to help carry him up and down stairs, when hiring a trained aide was demeaning. In any event, that is beyond the scope of any employer relocatiin assistance.[/quote]

Knock it off with the "reading comprehension" crap. It all has to do with their attitudes and expectations. That they BOTH think are acceptable.

[Informed Info]

Originally Posted by eyeye

There is no chair that alleviates the issue.

the new average chair weighs 15 lbs

you dont know how much my husband weighs

I don't care how much your husband weighs. The point is he doesn't weigh 5 pounds. You're lugging your own weight plus the "new average chair that weighs 15 pounds" (is that what he has?) up a set of stairs plus his body weight.

he is not the main caregiver, I am. he is a caregiver because they are his kids too. the entire home would be accessible.

Ok. I might have misunderstood. But you did say:

Because he works 70 hours a week, and I am a full time mom....

Then you said this:

I'm self employed and just closed up shop here and will consider starting up again once we are settled in

Which is it?

You don't make yourself easy to believe.

Here's another example; first you say:

I can pull him up steps but the bent over position flairs my slipped disk (NOTHING to do with him, it was my bad and I am trying to avoid surgery..)

THEN you say:

I have a slipped disk after a surgery where the oOR staff dropped me.

Your "bad" that the OR staff dropped you?

not all elevators are slloooow

Slow enough.

I don't know what you would do but he is my husband and we have children together and I happen to feel comfortable leaving my kids with their dad (how narrow minded are you?)

Don't twist your BS back on me.

You're so comfortable:

and one of the kids went down for what ever reason, and they were injured, he wouldn't be able to reach them.

You also say you have teenagers. Yet your teenagers can't be let alone in an unfinished basement because they might get hurt? Do you make them wear helmets to bed too?

he is smarter then most of you I stick by that.

And most of us are smarter than you, so your subjective definition of "smart"....means nada.

Good luck!

[runswithscissors]

Originally Posted by eyeye

london is actually an accessibility nightmare. Hubby has gone alone (I havent gone with him) and he really struggles to tour around. I think they do tend to have a more progressive understanding that people who use w/c are not invalids.

"THINK" being the operative term especially since you haven't been there.

If I'm not mistaken, the US was 5 years AHEAD of the UK in passing the ADA. And even Carter and Kennedy passed laws on the subject.

Considering the US Justice Department passed mandates to retrofit fixed chair lifts in every "public" swimming pool in AMERICA in 2010, we're not doing so bad.

I assume you haven't had to find care/accommodations for seniors with dementia yet in your life.

You think a wheelchair is tough?

Doesn't COMPARE to taking care of a loved one who sets fires to the house, runs down the street naked, accuses you of trying to kill them, having to pick them up off the floor when they repeatedly fall, won't drink water and live in a perpetual state of dehydration delusions like LSD or UTIs, having cops threaten you if you don't keep them under control....while having NO RESOURCES to accomplish care including not even finding a bed in limited decent medicaid facilities.

FOR DECADES.

I would say our SENIOR community enjoys many more challenges than a mentally sound individual who happens to get around in a wheel chair.

I pray your husband doesn't fall victim to a memory disorder in his life. You have no idea what's ahead if he does....and finding a glamorous house in the ideal community with snow but no bad commute will be a joke when you look at it in retrospect.

THEREFORE, I would suggest you start saving and paying for LTC policies instead of private school, and put your kids in a good public school system with IEPs that deal with your childrens' learning differences.

Senior citizens aren't invalids either. On paper. And THAT is the approaching crisis in America. I don't even WANT TO IMAGINE what happens when the 1 in 80 people on the Autism spectrum reach their senior years.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by eyeye

We need an accessible home. A single story is grand. But any finished area needs to be accessible to our head of our family, who cant walk.

If it is so or out of ordinary, I challenge you to find us a place

Nothing southern
With in45 minutes (rush hour) to a major med center by car for work
4 bed, 2 bath min.
3000 sq/ft min
Newer construction
Large lots
Great family neighborhood
4 seasons
A lot of private schools (non-secular preferred)
Outdoor area for dogs and kids
Nature for out door sports
Water for fishing.
No places in the house that aren't accessible
Play room and craft room
Formal dining and office
Snow

So have at it. Find me a place that has that. If you want to bash us for wanting a realtor help us find a place, be proactive and post your suggestions. Back your words.

Sorry, OP, but you almost lost me with the very first item on your wish list. Many Upper South states have areas with four seasons, snow, and summer temps that are no more rigorous than, say, the midatlantic or even northeastern states. Every point south isn't as hot and humid as Houston. Heck, I live in east Texas and Houston is too hot and humid for me!

Large, newer homes on large lots in great family neighborhoods, in metro areas with lots of private schools, plenty of nature areas for outdoor sports (including oceans, lakes and rivers) are in metro areas scattered throughout the south. Some regions in the south even have (get this) FOUR SEASONS WHICH INCLUDE SNOW SEVERAL TIMES A YEAR. And (this is the really cool part) we even have universities and research centers down here.

And many metro areas in the South have a very low unemployment rate and a booming economy as well.

One story homes are extremely common here - even large, sprawling one story homes - because our lot sizes tend to be larger.

As for the snow, you know, there's this really cool concept called a "vacation." You could get your snow fix that way and then you'd have the best of both worlds. Even as far south as I live (northeast Texas) we have four distinct seasons, including beautiful fall foliage (we have lots and lots of hardwood trees in this area). We even had a white Christmas last year - though the two inches did melt by the afternoon. And hey, our pipes froze last year too, so that might have made you feel right at home. Personally, I thought it sucked but to each his own.

Maybe you're crossing off the entire South because of reasons like wanting to be close to family, or something like that, but you may be laboring under false assumptions. There are some great areas of the South that may fit your desire for four seasons and a summer that's not as hot as Houston's, including some snow - Knoxville and Nashville TN, most of the states of Virginia, North Carolina, and even the Appalachian foothills in South Carolina (home of Clemson U), Huntsville AL, Little Rock AR (home of U of AR)...heck, even Atlanta gets snow usually at least once a year, though the summers in Atlanta can be tough.

How many kids do you have? The reason I ask is that if you have three or four young kids, I can understand your desire for a playroom (sort of). But if you have only one or two kids, you could use a bedroom for an office or playroom or craft room.

You could also buy a home on a large lot and build an addition or a separate small building for the office and craft room. Then you could use the second living area (common in many four bedroom homes "down here"), for the play room.

The issue as I see it is that the home you're looking for has a HUGE footprint with many different rooms. Extremely difficult to find in any sort of price range. It might be much easier to find a more "normal" home and just build the office/craft room on from there. Be sure to put a bathroom in if you do so, and a small kitchenette, because for resale it would be great to advertise it as a Mother In Law suite.

In fact, what you may need to look for when it comes to preexisting homes is a home with a separate mother in law suite or small apartment or guest quarters "out back." Those are not all that uncommon.

At least not where I live.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by CSD610

Not true, the issue is because you asked about the Realtor helping haul your husband up and down stairs.
No one told you not to purchase the home you want they did however tell you not to expect anyone to help you get your husband up and down stairs in his wheel chair and advised the best possible way to avoid injury to anyone involved (your husband, the Realtor, you, etc.). You refused to accept the suggestions though and decided everyone was trying to tell you what house you could or could not purchase.

I still believe the easiest and most cost effective thing to do is pick the area you want to move to then purchase land then build a home to your exact specifications.
Otherwise you may not find everything you require to be in the home already and you may not be able to add what is necessary because of the design of the home, the lay out of the home or local ordinances.

Right.

Lugging an adult in a wheelchair up and down stairs all day (or even once a day) definitely doesn't fall under the category of a "reasonable accommodation." Besides the very real fear of injury to one or all participants, there's the issue of possibly damaging someone else's home. The liability issues alone (not to mention the potential bad back) would scare just about any professional away!

I agree that the OP should seriously consider building. That being said, I can't speak for all areas, but in my area there are usually some great homes on the market at any given time which have a MIL suite or guest quarters that could meet the demand for all those extra rooms.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by CSD610

Not exactly, she was asking what Realtor would pull her husband in his wheelchair up and down the stairs since she has a back injury and cannot do it.

So no not carry him physically.

And how old are these kids? Did I read somewhere that they are teenagers? If they are teens, why on earth do they need a play room?

Maybe the pit bull needs a play room.

I am so confused.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by Jkgourmet

Actually, I'd say in third world countries, as well as other first world countries, you'll find MORE strangers will to help. Why?

Because they have less concern about lawsuits.

Because some of those countries (particularly in Europe) have a culture that accepts and adapts better to disabled people I think it's because of all the wounded boys who came home from WWI. It acclimated the the population of those countries to visually seeing disabled people in public. I know this from my frequent visits to the UK to visit my grandparents, including a grandfather who lost a leg in WWI. The UK was WAY ahead of the USA in making the streets and public transportation accessible.

I am not disabled, but I have been "out of commission" (including the whole handicapped sticker/placard thing, and crutches, scooters, etc) for months at a time due to Achilles tendons that just inexplicably degenerated completely on me. So I do empathize with those who struggle with accommodations.

When I lived in Europe (for three years) I was absolutely APPALLED by the lack of accommodations for the disabled. Hardly a day went by that my family didn't remark on it, due to the disparity between Europe (Central Europe - Germany, France, the Netherlands, Austria, Belgium - all those civilized countries) and the US in that regard.

The US has led the world in accommodating the special needs of physically challenged folks.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by eyeye

Ok, I'm closing my account on here. In the past, I have had a lot of luck getting info from other forums. This one is just too...hostile with people making comments on topics they don't understand, jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. And its like a dog attack, its really not a pretty thing. It gets me upset, and I don't need that in my life.

Best of luck to y'all.

You really DON'T realize how abrasive you come across as, do you?

Good luck to you, too.

[KathrynAragon]

LOL and that was my rant for the morning. I feel better now.