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Is this really a real estate question or is it a parent relaationship question?
You're 40 years old. At your age, while your parents concerns and feelings should be important to you, you should not be stressing out about it. My young/mid-20 something kids know I'm "sad" that they live 90 and 1700 miles away from me, but it doesn't rule their lives. They just try to make sure they call once a week and also call if something exciting happens--a raise, a lost item found, etc.
Is this really a real estate question or is it a parent relaationship question?
You're 40 years old. At your age, while your parents concerns and feelings should be important to you, you should not be stressing out about it. My young/mid-20 something kids know I'm "sad" that they live 90 and 1700 miles away from me, but it doesn't rule their lives. They just try to make sure they call once a week and also call if something exciting happens--a raise, a lost item found, etc.
Maybe it is because I talk to them all the time that I feel bad. I think that if I am close with my folks I am too close. Their friends keep telling them what a wonder son I am for them that I am there to help them when they need it and with me buying the house far they will go thinking what am I doing moving so far away? It is almost like my reputation is ruined among my folks friends But I see a lot of women that I date or dated extremely close even closer with their folks and I thought that women like that when a guy is close and loves their folks alot
You KNOW this was a good decision, so WHY do you still want their validation, as a 40-year-old??? Are you not a grown man?
Well let me ask you? How close are you with your folks? I can gauranteed if you want some advice you will talk to them. How would you feel if all of their friends knew you for a long time and saw that you were there to help your folks out. Wouldn't you feel that? Or how will you feel if you folks pass away one day? I know it will not be a happy moment. You can be 40 50 or whatever age. If it hits your emotions it hits your emotions plain and simple.
Well let me ask you? How close are you with your folks? I can gauranteed if you want some advice you will talk to them. How would you feel if all of their friends knew you for a long time and saw that you were there to help your folks out. Wouldn't you feel that? Or how will you feel if you folks pass away one day? I know it will not be a happy moment
Are you suggesting that your parents are going to actually die if you move out???
Are you suggesting that your parents are going to actually die if you move out???
That is a very immature response from you. No they are not. But think about when you were growing up. Your folks their friends, the whole community. You were there for your folks to help them out and you had a strong bond with them. You never answered my question. How were you bonded with your folks? I know you would be devestated if you were close to your folks and you feel bad about if you do something wrong. All parent pass away eventually but I know you would be sad or unless you lived a terrible life with your folks that you never were for them and you were selfish
That is a very immature response from you. No they are not. But think about when you were growing up. Your folks their friends, the whole community. You were there for your folks to help them out and you had a strong bond with them. You never answered my question. How were you bonded with your folks? I know you would be devestated if you were close to your folks and you feel bad about if you do something wrong. All parent pass away eventually but I know you would be sad or unless you lived a terrible life with your folks that you never were for them and you were selfish
The bond with your parents can exist even if you live on the other side of the earth.
I have been through this already with my parents. We are very close, and I am heading over to their house in about an hour for a visit. But we worked out the normal, natural process of establishing boundaries while I was growing up. Children are meant to grow up and out and live on their own.
For all you know, there isn't actually a problem. You just FEEL like your parents aren't happy for you based on some subtle cues you think they are giving.
You can still be close to your parents while living in your own house.
You can still help out your parents while living in your own house.
The guilt is something that YOU are making yourself feel.
The bond with your parents can exist even if you live on the other side of the earth.
I have been through this already with my parents. We are very close, and I am heading over to their house in about an hour for a visit. But we worked out the normal, natural process of establishing boundaries while I was growing up. Children are meant to grow up and out and live on their own.
For all you know, there isn't actually a problem. You just FEEL like your parents aren't happy for you based on some subtle cues you think they are giving.
You can still be close to your parents while living in your own house.
You can still help out your parents while living in your own house.
The guilt is something that YOU are making yourself feel.
I had my own home before and lived on my own and I help my folks but I have to think about the future of when they will get older and how I I'll have to be there. I am not the type and nor would I ever throw my folks
In a nursing home and just visit then once in a while. Maybe you will do that with your folks but I would never do that.
I have to thank John, the OP. He has reminded me of the incredible gift my parents gave me of encouraging me to be independent.
I married at 18 (stupid) and divorced before I was 22. With no job history and few skills. I totally expected them to invite me and my cat to move back in with them. They didn't. I was terrified. And I was forced to take care of myself. Get a job, learn how to balance a check book, get an education.
Years later, I realized how scary and hard it must have been for them to let me go (and I lived about 800 miles away) rather than bring me home - to continue being dependent on other people. That saying is true: If you love them, set them free.
Maybe it is because I talk to them all the time that I feel bad. I think that if I am close with my folks I am too close. Their friends keep telling them what a wonder son I am for them that I am there to help them when they need it and with me buying the house far they will go thinking what am I doing moving so far away? It is almost like my reputation is ruined among my folks friends But I see a lot of women that I date or dated extremely close even closer with their folks and I thought that women like that when a guy is close and loves their folks alot
I have news for you: a new house isn't going to magically transform your life. Forty miles isn't far. Just make sure to visit often, at least initially. There's also a thing called a telephone. Call. They'll be fine.
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