Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Unless it's a double house where the parents had their private half and my husband and I had ours, there's no way I'd agree to that. Let hubby do it against my wished. I'd be gone.
Why people need to "work things out" and make their life harder if there is much better solutions? I would live in a trash can and not with my mother or MIL. Those 50-60 years old can be absolutely unbearable with their attitude.
Because they are family, and one day you will be fairly unbearable yourself.
OP, what do you mean, they don't want a mortgage? Have they been renting for their entire working life? Do they have no equity? Are they unable to afford rent?
You haven't told us anything about them and their personalities. But it sounds to me like that would be too much proximity. It could end up like "Everybody Loves Raymond", where the MIL has her own key and lets herself into the house everyday, as if it were her own (if she were living in a backyard cottage, or other type of separate unit). They're only in their 50's; do you want to have housemates for the next 40 years of your life? This doesn't sound like a good idea for a young couple.
Why is your husband so eager to have this? Is he really attached to his parents? Or is it about some economic aspect of the deal?
Because they are family, and one day you will be fairly unbearable yourself.
They are not family anymore. They are relatives, and that's all.
When I will be 50-60, the only thing that I will want is that everybody will leave me alone. God forbid to leave with somebody, except my wife.
Unless it's a double house where the parents had their private half and my husband and I had ours, there's no way I'd agree to that. Let hubby do it against my wishes. I'd be gone.
You and me both. That is a situation just begging for trouble, legally and emotionally (probably mentally, too). Marriages have enough stresses. Don't add two more people into the mix.
Concerning multi-family homes, I have seen a few of those and it usually ended badly. The younger woman of the household generally does much of the work and ends up as the major caregiver, even to the point of having to give up their job. In many of the older cultures, it "worked" because the younger wife was treated as a servant or worse. Very convenient for some family members but not so great for others.
What if the parents needed money from the house for long term care?
If there are any doubts (and you seem to have some), do not get embroiled in a situation that will be very difficult to exit.
I lived in my in-laws basement for 5 months while our home was being built. It was literally the WORST five months of my life! I had ZERO privacy and was treated like I was 10. I seriously would never do that again! I appreciated the fact that they let us stay there, but I liked my in-laws before that and it has never been the same since.
My father-in-law and one 1 sister-in-law came to stay with us for a week vacation when we lived in SC. OMG! It was the worst week of my life! I actually started having several alcoholic drinks at night when they were at our house. I rarely drink! I haven't had a drink since then and it's been 7 years.
I was informed - AFTER they arrived - that I was to do ALL of their cooking and laundry while at our house. Excuse me? I'm not a maid. My father-in-law was RIDICULOUSLY demanding. He would scream at me about needing to know an exact time his dinner was to be served. I didn't plan their trip nor did I make an itinerary for them every day. No one told us that we were part of their vacation and that we were supposed to plan their day of sightseeing and chauffeur them around. I told him where the local AAA office was and he could grab a travel guide from them. I wasn't on vacation. I still had work to do! I never wanted to be around him after that because of what a jerk he was and I am not his doormat.
After that hell week, I've never wanted family to stay at my house ever again. My parents have for a couple of nights, but that was such a different situation. They have their own lives and figure out things to do or make plans with us in advance.
Not everyone gets along, but exceptions shouldn't be presented as the norm. My post speaks to what the goal should be.... what should be considered normal in a healthy culture? I don't think you'd classify your last statement as a normal and healthy thing to say about one's parents.
What is normal? Many families don't have a healthy relationship for a variety of reasons. No one need stop just get over the past or current issues. There's a reason the term dysfunctional family exists.
Where did I say that roasting marshmallows over their parents house burning down was healthy? It would be cathartic given the nightmares I lived in it. I grew up in a VERY abusive home. The authorities were involved numerous times as was the family court system. Until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes, don't judge. Your goals are just that - your goals. They are NOT going to work for many folks.
My father-in-law and one 1 sister-in-law came to stay with us for a week vacation when we lived in SC. OMG! It was the worst week of my life! I actually started having several alcoholic drinks at night when they were at our house. I rarely drink! I haven't had a drink since then and it's been 7 years.
I was informed - AFTER they arrived - that I was to do ALL of their cooking and laundry while at our house. Excuse me? I'm not a maid. My father-in-law was RIDICULOUSLY demanding. He would scream at me about needing to know an exact time his dinner was to be served. I didn't plan their trip nor did I make an itinerary for them every day. No one told us that we were part of their vacation and that we were supposed to plan their day of sightseeing and chauffeur them around. I told him where the local AAA office was and he could grab a travel guide from them. I wasn't on vacation. I still had work to do! I never wanted to be around him after that because of what a jerk he was and I am not his doormat.
After that hell week, I've never wanted family to stay at my house ever again. My parents have for a couple of nights, but that was such a different situation. They have their own lives and figure out things to do or make plans with us in advance.
Where was your husband during all this? If my family disrespected my wife like that I would immediately tell them to leave the house. Fortunately I had no relatives like that and no in laws like that either.
Marriages should be sharing the pot of gold as one. A marriage should be we not I. This is probably one of the main reasons why many marriages fail.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
