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I just don't understand the role of hurt feelings in selling a house.
So a buyer doesn't like your paint color, subway tile, counter top, lack of subway tile, home temperature, pet/lack of pet, layout, sofa, decorating, dishwasher, ceiling height, yard, landscaping etc, etc. They tell their agent that is the reason they don't like the house, and that is usually in response to the agent ASKING what they thought.
Okay. So what?
Buyers are going to have a vast array of requirements and expectations. Not every house is Cinderella at the ball. I think we all know this, intellectually.
But I see over and over the hurt feelings-- buyers are rude! Realtors told me to paint! People don't like my pet smell (because there isn't one, I swear!) No one will give me my asking price and this place is a MANSION!
You are selling your house, right? Which means it won't belong to you anymore. You want people to buy it so you can move on. Where does the hurt feeling/defensiveness come in if you have decided to get rid of this property?
Most transactions are arms length-- buyers don't see you or know you. They aren't judging you. They are saying what they prefer or feel they want. So why do some people get so emotional over the feedback about their house?
No, actually. I bought a house a while back. I invest in commercial and residential real estate so I view all of it as a business transaction with little room for hurt feelings. I think getting into commercial probably informed this opinion.
I know its a home for someone when you are living there, but as soon as you decide to sell, it becomes a property that hopefully will net you some cash. Won't your home be wherever you live next? Why get upset over what someone who has never met you thinks of your decorating choices? Who cares as long as they buy?
Another sensitivity is the offense often taken when one receives what they consider a lowball offer for their mansion. Both this and the sensitivity over one's decorating choices suggests that one is not dealing with the sale of one's house as a business transaction. This is another reason why people need a realtor who has a more objective view of their home.
I can remember getting upset when I drove by a previous home and saw that the new owner had significantly reduced our expensive landscaping; ... until my wife reminded me that they were changing their own landscaping, not ours!
Another sensitivity is the offense often taken when one receives what they consider a lowball offer for their mansion. Both this and the sensitivity over one's decorating choices suggests that one is not dealing with the sale of one's house as a business transaction. This is another reason why people need a realtor who has a more objective view of their home.
I can remember getting upset when I drove by a previous home and saw that the new owner had significantly reduced our expensive landscaping; ... until my wife reminded me that they were changing their own landscaping, not ours!
Very well put.
I sometimes think that people confuse selling a house with dating. They get all excited and gussy the place up (or stubborn and say "take me as I am or get lost!") But then when the prospect rejects them its all kinds of bitterness and pain.
But selling a house is not dating. Its trading an asset (or liability in some cases) for cash. To a stranger. Where do feelings come in on that? Why the rejection and angst?
And sometimes I think that people forget that for a lot of us, a home is a projection of our very self, something that we feel reflects who we are. Even once it's listed for sale, that doesn't take that away.
But someone can be bothered by criticism and maybe even want to vent about it without it automatically being drama and angst. Hyperbole much?
Houses are intimate places - our refuge from the outside world, an expression of our personalities, and the stage where many of us live the most important moments of our lives (marriage, babies, death, etc). They're imbued will all sorts of memories and feelings and all manner of pride and baggage.
Yes, none of this matters when it comes time to sell, because you're selling a physical asset and not your memories or preferences or feelings. That's the logical side of it. But humans aren't logical creatures and it is difficult to override the initial impulses of sensitivity to remember that.
Be gracious with your fellow humans, many have spent years in a place and detaching themselves emotionally from their walls and all it represents to them is not easy, especially if they're older or have been there for a long time.
Houses are intimate places - our refuge from the outside world, an expression of our personalities, and the state through which many of us live the most important moments of our lives (marriage, babies, death, etc). They're imbued will all sorts of memories and feelings and all manner of pride and baggage.
Yes, none of this matters when it comes time to sell, because you're selling a physical asset and not your memories or preferences or feelings. That's the logical side of it. But humans aren't logical creatures and it is difficult to override the initial impulses of sensitivity to remember that.
Be gracious with your fellow humans, many have spent years in a place and detaching themselves emotionally from their walls and all it represents to them is not easy, especially if they're older or have been there for a long time.
As soon as I decide to sell, I start to think differently about my house. It goes from my "home" to my "house" in my brain. I look at it with blinders off and try to start thinking like a buyer.
A home is wherever my family is. A house is a structure. I may love a certain house and have great memories of it, but I am not selling those.
Well duh. Obviously that's the way to go about it. But knowing it and doing it are two different things. You asked why people do this and I explained why they're acting this way. You don't have to like it and you may be oh so superior to other human beings who are having a harder time separating the asset from their memories, but it is what it is. They're taking it personally because to them it is personal. If they could just move beyond it and not be upset that'd be awesome. But easier said than done.
I've noticed this on multiple posts of yours - your ability to empathize isn't the greatest. But when it's your feelings or resources all the sudden it's a massive affront. When it's someone else? They just need to get over it. In the kindest way possible - work on that. You'll be happier and kinder for it.
I can remember getting upset when I drove by a previous home and saw that the new owner had significantly reduced our expensive landscaping; ... until my wife reminded me that they were changing their own landscaping, not ours!
I spent many hours in the yard doing extensive landscaping all by myself in the broiling hot Florida sun. Neighbors wanted to hire me because it looked so beautiful. I put in a fountain, benches, trellis', etc. So it was a little sad when I drove by recently to see it all gone. However the two Live Oaks which were about 7 feet when I planted them are now over 30 feet tall!
But like you said we're not all going to like the same thing. It was no longer my house and apparently the new owners didn't care for the upkeep of the yard.
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