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Old 06-15-2010, 01:32 PM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,154,138 times
Reputation: 2119

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutz76 View Post
Where do you live? Is it a big city or small town?

Downtown Chicago, Lincoln Park area


Sounds like you're a victim of hookup culture. It seems you are doing well with them, but then you try to play the classic dating style instead of hooking up with them. They want sex, have been groomed by society to expect it now, and they move on to guys that aren't afraid to pull the trigger and bang their brains out. That's the reality of dating today. Also, as a rule when a girl is dating several guys the first one to have sex with them wins over the rest. Even if you spend 6 hours building an awesome connection, if she goes out with Joe Thug the next night and he pounds her out after 30 minutes of talking, she's the one she'll build that physical and chemical connection in the brain with.
Sure, I don't doubt there's some truth to "hookup culture" but from what I've noticed is the women online dating are grown tired of hooking up (or so they say) and they're looking for something substantial. I don't feel it's necessarily them banging another guy and then feeling more connected. I think it's more around the fact they have so many options availble to them, and this is pure speculation: maybe just being a well-adjusted, smart, funny, average-attractive man isn't enough for some women of my age. Maybe they're looking for something more, or maybe just something else.

One thing I do know about dating and my age is that time is on my side. I know as I get older, women will get a little more flexible, even some will be come "desperate", due to their standards being too high or maybe they didn't realize what they really wanted in someone.

The reason I don't get upset at the rejection is that I know it's their decision if they don't want to see me, and I respect that but I also feel they're letting an opportunity with an awesome guy pass them by. I'm fully confident in what I can bring to a relationship and there isn't a doubt in my mind that I'll make a woman very happy someday. If they can't see that or don't want that, then I can't do anything to help them or change their mind. It's just been this "ignoring" response that has created a bit of a hurdle for me mentally.
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Old 06-15-2010, 02:39 PM
 
Location: San Antonio
3,536 posts, read 12,303,232 times
Reputation: 6037
Women ignore you instead of telling you the truth because they are chicken and want to avoid confrontation. It's OK if it irritates you, cuz it's crappy. But don't take it personally. It really has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them taking the easy way out.
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Old 06-15-2010, 02:54 PM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,154,138 times
Reputation: 2119
Quote:
Originally Posted by dmarie123 View Post
Women ignore you instead of telling you the truth because they are chicken and want to avoid confrontation. It's OK if it irritates you, cuz it's crappy. But don't take it personally. It really has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them taking the easy way out.
This is in line with what I need to hear. I've obviously realized this over the course of this thread, but when you don't hear back from someone it's hard to understand what's going on, and it's easy to fall in a hole of self criticism. At first I didn't realize this was common and I felt like this problem was specific to me and that I HAD to be doing something wrong since this has happened to me multiple times.

Deep down I know there's nothing wrong with me, I'm a great guy, I am happy, I have a lot going for me and a lot going on in my life. I just wish I didn't go through an emotional rollercoaster each time this happens. I'll work specifically on fixing this problem.

Appreciate your help.
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Old 06-15-2010, 03:26 PM
 
9,846 posts, read 22,632,304 times
Reputation: 7738
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
..I just want to know I'll get to see them again. If they don't want to see me, I want to know up front.

And honestly, I WISH I had girls tell me up front they aren't interested or the "let's just be friends" line. I can deal with that, it's not the rejection, it's the fade away with nothing. I guess it's just something I have to learn to get over because speaking to many others about it, it seems like this is commonplace and I'm the one with unreasonable expectations. Up until this week I thought this only happened to me, I felt women were discontinuing contact with me because I was doing something wrong and that no one else gets this treatment, but now I realize that's just how it is. It still sucks, I still hate it, but after some time maybe I can just accept it.
Women in general do not go for face to face confrontations even about the most mildest things. Their silence speaks volumes. Hence you have to tune into other things beyond just what people say and look at what people actually do. You just might be doing something wrong but they are not exactly going to sit down with you and spell all that out. Or they just are not interested.

What you have to do is change your thinking around about "rejection". The worst thing you can do I think is go on dates with women that really don't want to be there. I've been on dates with women that probably did not really want to be there and it's not fun. I'm not a "hard sell" person anymore. I am what I am and if no one likes that well I have plenty of other things to do.

Sounds like you need to cut the strings with it for a while and get some perspective from the outside and maybe take a vacation or something else.
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Old 06-15-2010, 05:00 PM
 
8,228 posts, read 14,186,965 times
Reputation: 11233
Good lord, take a break, why are you putting so much pressure on yourself?
Keep making progress in the other areas you mentioned having been going well - thats important and key.
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Old 06-15-2010, 05:12 PM
 
37,496 posts, read 45,805,567 times
Reputation: 57001
Quote:
Originally Posted by dmarie123 View Post
Women ignore you instead of telling you the truth because they are chicken and want to avoid confrontation. It's OK if it irritates you, cuz it's crappy. But don't take it personally. It really has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them taking the easy way out.
THIS. ^^^ THIS! THIS! THIS! Read this over and over OP. Commit it to memory.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Massatucky
1,187 posts, read 2,389,366 times
Reputation: 1916
All I can say is at 27, women have the 'upper hand' in dating. The tables will turn but since you can't wait until you are 40, I would suggest you catch a break and go at it again after a breather.
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Old 06-15-2010, 08:36 PM
 
9,846 posts, read 22,632,304 times
Reputation: 7738
Quote:
Originally Posted by cwaggy View Post
All I can say is at 27, women have the 'upper hand' in dating. The tables will turn but since you can't wait until you are 40, I would suggest you catch a break and go at it again after a breather.
Reality Bites. And never forget it. I always say to gals in their 20's enjoy their day in the sun, because once 30 rolls around the game starts to change.

I can think of HEAPS of gals I know in their 30's going absolutely knockers desperate trying to find a man that will 1. "settle down" with them, 2. impregnate them. Hopefully 1. before 2.

Maybe cdubs should give the cougar thing a try.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:30 PM
 
896 posts, read 1,396,008 times
Reputation: 476
I am reading this thread in amazement because I did not know that anyone out there felt the same thoughts and feelings that I do especially men. I thought only women go through these types of thoughts. This thread is almost like a carbon copy of what I have felt dating. So I understand exactly what the OP is going through. I have learned a lot reading this thread and go through the same emotionally rollercoaster when it comes to dating. I still do not like dating but I eventually want to get back out there. All I have to say is to the OP is keep hanging in there. This thread was interesting to me too because I live in the Chicago area also, and I am 28
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