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Unfortunately, I come up with about the same inventory. I even think I only really loved my college boyfriend and that was looong time ago... After that I started going down a slippery slope of infatuation, obsession, impulsion, ulterior motives, etc. catalysts I'm not particularly proud of. Then again, they probably were driven by the same type of motivation, so no wonder the milk always ended up being spilled...
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
And how about this one?
“You know you love someone when you want them to be happy, even if their happiness means that you aren't part of it.”
Are we that evolved...? It's not that I'd wish him misery, but I'd rather be a part of that happiness...
I can't say I've liked everyone I've loved--including extended family. But I can honestly say there is someone I love so much I want him to be happy, with or without me. I just hope he's happier with me.
The key to taking love to its deepest levels is to love someone even when they aren't being very likable.
Love has the power to transform people. So when you love them "even though", you show them their value and worth and potentially motivate them to be better people than they've been before.
The key to taking love to its deepest levels is to love someone even when they aren't being very likable.
Love has the power to transform people. So when you love them "even though", you show them their value and worth and potentially motivate them to be better people than they've been before.
I think you're right. Shouldn't they have been good people to begin with, though...? And what if they weren't? They'll just take, take, take, and stomp on it.
I think you're right. Shouldn't they have been good people to begin with, though...? And what if they weren't? They'll just take, take, take, and stomp on it.
Well, with the exclusion of sociopaths and the truly evil among us, like Anne Frank I believe MOST people are truly good at heart. It's just that sometimes even good people behave very badly.
... Have you honestly always genuinely liked the people you loved? Would they have been your friends had they been of the same gender (speaking of heterosexuals)?...
Absolutely. In most cases we were best friends before we were lovers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
And how about this one?
“You know you love someone when you want them to be happy, even if their happiness means that you aren't part of it.”
Are we that evolved...? It's not that I'd wish him misery, but I'd rather be a part of that happiness...
Oh yeah, that too, by all means. My wife's happiness is more important to me than my own. In the end, if she's not happy, I won't be either, but that's not why I put her happiness ahead of mine.
Have you honestly always genuinely liked the people you loved? Would they have been your friends had they been of the same gender (speaking of heterosexuals)? By the sound of many a testimonial, that doesn't appear to be the case for many couples. Was it just lust that brought them together? Some other deeper need?
Yes, I do believe "love" has to be a verb for a relationship to be sustainable, but before it becomes a verb it's still a noun and it seems many times it doesn't have much to do with liking the person.
I've been friends with most guys before I started dating them, so, yes, I can say that I really liked them as people and friends before we started dating.
Unfortunately, I come up with about the same inventory. I even think I only really loved my college boyfriend and that was looong time ago... After that I started going down a slippery slope of infatuation, obsession, impulsion, ulterior motives, etc. catalysts I'm not particularly proud of. Then again, they probably were driven by the same type of motivation, so no wonder the milk always ended up being spilled...
I came to the realization of the futility of "infatuation, obsession, impulsion," empirically rather than analytically.... Through experience... but still arrived at the same conclusion. If you, Sierra, is giving way to something else than "I have to have butterflies in my stomach" criteria, I am so glad.
I've lived through ups and downs in the last 8 years, and coasted it out on something higher than "I hate you guts at this given moment and I am leaving". There were some not liking moments, yep. Yet I hate when people equal it to "settling". It is not. It is "loving although".
If you, Sierra, is giving way to something else than "I have to have butterflies in my stomach" criteria, I am so glad.
I've had a couple of relationships based on practical considerations and one of them was OK and could've survived if it weren't for sort of (not entirely) external problems, but my nature wants the damn butterflies, no matter how well aware I am of the stupidity of that notion... And since I know myself well enough at this point, it's better to do nothing as opposed to messing up my life again.
Quote:
I've lived through ups and downs in the last 8 years, and coasted it out on something higher than "I hate you guts at this given moment and I am leaving". There were some not liking moments, yep. Yet I hate when people equal it to "settling". It is not. It is "loving although".
Yeah, I suppose there's no other way for a marriage to make it.
Not always. Its quite fascinating how you can love someone, but not really like them. This was the case with my ex. I loved him deeply, but at the same time I really just did not like him at all. I think that is what kept me with him so long.
With my fiance now, we are best friends. I think it is very important to like the people you love.
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