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Hello everyone. First post ever. I am 33 yrs old and engaged. I have been dating my fiance for three years now. When we first started dating, she came forward with information on her past relationships. She is 30 years old. I did not really want to hear about her past, but the more she said the more I wanted to know. She told me that her last relationship lasted about a year and a half. She said that she had never spent any nights away from her mom's house and over at her ex-boyfriend's house but I just found-out that in fact she did. I asked her about it and she said that she did it because she was helping him out. Apparently he had surgery done and could not do things for himself. I would understand helping out during the day but was staying overnight necessary?
I have been dwelling on her past for the last week and I need some advice. I definetly love her but I often bring up her past relationships and that is really ruining ours.
I must admit that I feel a bit jealous and I wish that we had met when we were younger. I had been engaged to another person before but that did not work since that girl cheated on me.
My fiancee now, deals with my past relationship very well but I do not seem to do the same when it comes to her past.
My fiancee is great and I do love her but my jealousy is getting in the way.
Am I blowing things out of proportion?
What can I do?
I need help.
Thank you all.
Sounds like a liar. Stay engaged forever and never get married. If she insists engage someone else, rinse, repeat.
She probably didn't tell you she stayed with him overnight because she knew how you would react or thought you'd think less of her. In this day and age I don't think you're going to find any woman that has not had a relationship with some other guy unless she was a nun. Don't focus on the past focus on the present.
Last edited by KylieEve; 06-18-2010 at 03:04 PM..
Reason: .
By obsessing (and that's what you're doing) on her past and being so jealous, you are pushing her away. This is probably what caused your other fiance to cheat. Women hate it when their significan others are that way with their past. Look at it this way; WHATEVER she did in the past has contributed to her becoming the lady you fell in love with. Deal with it. Let it go. Look to the future and not the past or you'll find yourself repeating this cycle over and over.
So she stayed over. She probably didn't mention it to you the first time because she picked up on some level that it would freak you out. Hold on loosely or she'll go running for the hills! Mark my words!
She is 30 years old. I did not really want to hear about her past, but the more she said the more I wanted to know. She told me that her last relationship lasted about a year and a half. She said that she had never spent any nights away from her mom's house and over at her ex-boyfriend's house but I just found-out that in fact she did. I asked her about it and she said that she did it because she was helping him out. Apparently he had surgery done and could not do things for himself. I would understand helping out during the day but was staying overnight necessary?
I have been dwelling on her past for the last week and I need some advice. I definetly love her but I often bring up her past relationships and that is really ruining ours.
Quote:
Am I blowing things out of proportion?
What can I do?
I need help.
Yes you need help.
Unbelievable. No wonder the divorce rate is what it is. We are all doomed!
Yeah, my past would have you in fits as well. Helping someone out after surgery sounds absolutely virginal to me If you have a problem, at age 33, with a girl leaving Mommy and Daddy's house to go play nursemaid to a guy, you have serious issues that an Internet forum can't even scratch the surface of. At age 33 I would have been more concerned if a guy HADN'T had sex yet, than if his "number" was in double digits
Your gf is 30. Did you really think that she had never been with another guy? If you love her like you say you do, then you will forget the past and choose to move on together. If you dwell on it and keep questioning her, you will lose her. You have to decide what you want to do, however, I don't think you will find many 30 year old women without a past. You said she is accepting of your past, so accept hers and have a happy life together.
You're blowing this WAY, WAY out of proportion. Frankly, I'm not sure what you're upset about.
If it's because she spent a couple nights with her bf after he had surgery, you're picking at straws to find a reason to be upset. I'd want a woman who has enough compassion to do that.
If it's because you think she lied to you, forgive and forget it. All of us lie a little now and then. I often caught my late wife in little lies. She'd forget what she told me about various relationships and later the story would change, going from a non-sexual relationship to a sexual one. I thought it was funny. I didn't care who nor how many guys she'd done before we met, but she seemed to think it mattered. It doesn't/didn't.
I think you need to see a counselor about your problem with jealousy. It's not likely that everyone here telling you that you shouldn't be jealous will help, nor is it likely that you can get over it simply because you know you should. You need to talk to a professional about this before it ruins this relationship and any other relationships you enter after this one. I'm guessing your jealousy is a by-product of another, deeper problem you have -- maybe insecurity. Whatever it is, you need to fix it.
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