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YeaI asked him how he could leave a wife and family for something he'd never tried and he said he just knew. So there you go--last I heard he's very happy with his boyfriend that he's been dating for almost a year.
I've been curious.... if a Bi man in a successful long term marriage with kids and a long history of being a good father & husband, came out to his wife as Bi what would many of the wives do ?
If your husband had wanted to keep your relationship going but was asking permission to find a "Friend" to satisfy his urges, would you have agreed ?
Are you better off today divorced then if you and had stayed together and had an agreed upon arrangement to let him see his boyfriend ?
In general that's a pretty true statement whether your Bi or not. Luckily at least 70% of the married guys (and women) can be monogomous.
Do you actually have real statistics to back up what you're saying, or are you just making up numbers based on your opinion/casual observance?
Look, I'm not saying that there's no truth to stereotypes, but I wish people would stop and think for a minute before they start spouting them as though they applied to all people in the stereotyped group.
But to get back on topic: original poster, if you're still reading this thread, I would urge you to see a therapist and/or support group. From everything you've posted here, I get the sense that you're repressing your true feelings, and that's not a healthy thing.
I was really good friends with a gay guy in highschool. He took me to my senior prom and everything. I remember at one point telling him I was falling for him and he was flattered, but he assured me that he was really gay. We are still good friends. I found him on facebook and he lives in Paris. I'm a born-again Christian and I think that if you put your faith in God you will find someone who will love you as you are and He will give you the strength to be faithful to that person. Your affection for other men may be a stronghold in your life but God can help you overcome that if you want to. We all have our battles. Remember that there is a difference between religion and a relationship with God.
I would never get seriously involved with any man who has unexamined sexual urges that are strong enough he thinks about them more than once or twice outside of the bedroom. It isn't purely about acting on them, its about understanding and respecting yourself to know your sexual desires are important and must be addressed.
I used to have an ex-boyfriend once who told me he was bi. At first it was a turn off. But then I quickly recovered and accepted him as he was. We hadn't been dating that long before he told me, though. If he had failed to mention it after a short time, I would have been devastated. I loved him so much though, that eventually when we got engaged, I told him he could have a boyfriend on the side if he wanted. I was really supportive. But destiny had other plans for both of us, and we separated. Not because he was gay, though.
I don't think the OP will necessarily leave the woman he marries(if he marries one). He might sincerely be confused or he might just like both. He may very well like women, and if he likes this one enough, I could see the relationship working. Doesnt happen often, but there are a few cases in which it does.
Hi! I'm 23 and I am still a virgin and have never dated!
Yeah, there's an introduction for you. Hide your daughters.
To put it shortly, for a lot of my teenage years, I struggled mightily with my sexuality, thinking that I was pretty much gay. The reasoning was obvious: I found myself much more interested in guys and, frankly, women, while attracted, didn't really excite me that much. I was pretty guy crazy during those years. Not that there wasn't anything there for women, there was, but just not my focus. To give an analogy, I liked chocolate (women), but it wasn't necessarily my favorite, vanilla (men).
However, some of this started to change when I met a girl online during those years and I fell head over heels for her. It was bad. She actually fell for me too at the time, enough to be willing to try out some online relationship with a seemingly gay guy. Unfortunately the sexuality aspect and other things that I was going through at the time (I was experimenting with crossdressing, etc. Just massively confused at the time.) just made her too uneasy and it ended. It took me about 5 years just to be able to move on and get a sense of reality, and I haven't dated since. Granted, there are other reasons that play into this, such as not wanting to get into a relationship with anyone until the sexuality thing was settled (ideally, hoping to be "over" men, at the time), and getting myself to an acceptable level to date someone. Fortunately, we've been able to have an incredibly close friendship and, while she's now married to someone else, which, despite me being thrilled for her, just breaks my heart, I'm still pretty head over heels for her (shh... don't tell her!). Still, even though I'm in the dreaded "brother" territory with her, we have a great friendship and we talk hours upon hours into the night nearly every time we talk.
The point of bringing this up is to show that, despite the sexuality struggles I had growing up, I would marry this woman in a heartbeat. The point being, I love her to death and could easily, and willingly, be with a woman for the rest of my life... in every way possible. She just does it for me in every way and, even though I won't ever be with her, I can't imagine why another woman couldn't do the same.
So what does that make of my sexuality, today? Basically, as time went on, while I still have a strong sexual attraction to some men, my focus with all aspects concerning a relationship are on women. I want to wind up with a woman because it feels right. I want to be with one in every way. I love them.
The other deal is that I have no plans to ever act on any of my same sex feelings for a variety of reasons, notably religious. While I'd prefer to avoid a discussion on the merits of that, other reasons include that the thought of being with a man in a relationship and the like just doesn't feel right, and I don't necessarily mean morally. It just doesn't seem like something I would extract the most happiness out of. Sure, I could probably watch "Legends Of The Fall" and drool over Brad Pitt as much as the next person, but with a woman, I think I would be most thrilled and most fulfilled and it has nothing to do with denial or because that's what society expects of me. It's just what I want.
So the question, and why I bother to post this, is how willing are women today to go with a guy like me? Let's be honest, guys like me aren't the most appealing to most women and understandably so, for a lot of fears of what could happen in the future and perhaps some unease of what the guy might have done in the past. I get that, I do. But for a guy like me, who has no history of the sorts and has no plans to embrace or act on things like that in the future, would that change anything? Could a guy like that perhaps sway you towards dating or even marrying him? Or does the fact that the feelings even exist just make you turn away?
Just curious to get your take.
Thanks!
Now that I've read your post I'd say you clearly like guys more than girls, but I do believe that you may be able to find a woman that you fall in love with. As for guys, why not just settle for a close, non-sexual relationship(i.e. an emotionally intimate friendship) with them? The kind where affection is not restricted to simply a handshake. [I mean girls can have them so why can't we??] Anyway what would you call a guy who finds guys attractive(not cute, but just nice looking/handsome), but is not interested in sex with them???
I've been curious.... if a Bi man in a successful long term marriage with kids and a long history of being a good father & husband, came out to his wife as Bi what would many of the wives do ?
If your husband had wanted to keep your relationship going but was asking permission to find a "Friend" to satisfy his urges, would you have agreed ?
Are you better off today divorced then if you and had stayed together and had an agreed upon arrangement to let him see his boyfriend ?
We actually considered that. It lasted exactly 1-1/2 months. That was for several reasons: A. I have needs too. B. He took over my computer and spent whole evenings "going on a bear hunt" complete with the stereo blasting. C. He was always on the phone with some strange man and he would go off to another part of the house but invariably it was a part of the house that I needed to be in like the laundry room. It was really, really weird. During that time he dated several men and I acquired a stalker. (Not a man I dated.) Such happy memories from that time.
I'm a pretty tough gal but this was intolerable and we had a big fight over it and he left and I breathed a huge sigh of relief and have never regretted breaking off the marriage. Yes, I am much better off and so are our DD's. Also, this is a small enough house that there wasn't an extra bedroom so we had to continue to sleep in the same bed until he left, which was very difficult. So, I guess to answer your question: if people were robots it could work, or if they had a much different relationship from the one I thought we had, it could have worked. Otherwise, no.
You know what, I'm sorry, but I do not agree with your response. You cannot decide for anyone that they are gay just by reading one post and any clinical psychologist will tell you so. There are so many different variables that people who are trying to define their sexuality go through. It is not an easy decision to say that you're straight, gay and/or bi.
I've been dealing with the same issues and I am sexually attracted to both men and women, but for me what it comes down to is "who am I going to stake my life with?"
I don't care what modern society thinks, but all I care is what I "feel" and "think" on the inside. I really feel that your post is indicative of the perceptions that modern society influences on people because as we should all know, modern society is confused in of itself--it is being pulled in different directions and people are trying to cling for dear-life on its many hypocritical values.
I support this man in finding the right person, but I also encourage him to date both men and women--then he will truly know what he wants.
BTW--marrying a guy still DOES NOT constitute that he is gay if he is still attracted to women sexually, just like marrying a wife does not constitute that he is straight if he is still attracted to men sexually.
In Reply to IBrakefortailgaters: I agree, you need to get some experience first before you know what you want for sure...
Hi you’re post was positive for this guy but I have to say on your last paragraph of “have their cake and eat it too” I also feel that that applies to heterosexuals. There are so many out there who are in relationships with women, but want other women. So they end up depriving their spouses because they lost that attraction to them. I really feel that issues of bisexuality are not inclusive of itself and should not be regarded as separate towards the actions that heterosexuals deal with on a daily basis.
People of all sexual orientations need to find someone that they will love and cherish—sadly in so many cases, this just doesn’t happen, but I just want others, especially women who wouldn’t date a man because he’s bi to understand, that yes it is possible that a bi man can leave a woman for another man or another woman, but it is very possible and true on so many accounts, for a heterosexual man to leave his wife for another woman. In both instances, the woman (spouse) is unloved and deprived. So women, it all comes down to this “will HE be committed to me as I to him?” It really doesn’t matter if he’s bi or not because the potential of seeing another person attractive and acting on it is there for every person on this earth!
I just don’t want women to base their dating decisions on a guy based on his orientation of being straight or bisexual; besides we already know that there are so many heterosexuals out there that are players! ^_^
And for bisexual men out there wanting to rush into marriage with a woman, please, date both sexes first…don’t let the urges fester inside of you. Some may find the comfort in a man, and others may find the comfort of a woman. And on the flipside, you wouldn’t want to deprive a man of love if you have a longing to raise a family with a woman, and you are deeply attracted (and sexually driven) to do so. That will make your “man” feel unloved and that is not right either.
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