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Old 06-20-2010, 07:54 AM
 
201 posts, read 623,583 times
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I read very frequently on this website about how people are searching for love and companionship and to them it seems impossible to find. This is debatable as everyone meets people at their own pace. However, the responses were something that always got me curious. Over and over again when soemone expresses their feelings of being single and not liking being alone the overwhelming response is usually, "Maybe, you're just not ready." I always wondered exactly what that meant. How does one begin to walk a path that will get them ready to be in a relationship? I see people who are strung out on drugs and people who have mental problems stemming from unsolved issues from their past. However, these people are frequently in relationships with little to no attempt (going out, dating websites, belonging to a church/social group.) For some people it seems to come natural and for others (like me) I feel become single for years at a time and do not realize what they are doing wrong. I'm 27 and am single and have not been in a relationship in over 2 years. What can I and the rest of the single people here do to get ready and be prepared? Maybe I can start by stop thinking about it so much.
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Old 06-20-2010, 08:57 AM
 
7,508 posts, read 4,137,139 times
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I think you can be prepare in some areas but wholly? Probably not. It's common sense that you can never avoid mistakes in a relationships no matter how prepared you are. As for me, I'm 20 (shock? No, I bet not). I know I'm not ready to be in a relationship because I'm still young. I have a whole life ahead of me and I can't tie myself down, at least not yet. I mean once I'm tie down I'm constanly thinking about him and he's just going to get in the way (no offense). But who says I can't do this while I'm dating? The problem is that relationship will drain me one way or another since it does take a lot of time and commitment. I also believe that I'm not ready emotionally. I'm learning how to use my time wisely and how to balance things in life. Sure, you might be a head of me in life or whatever and I'm still a couple of steps or years behind. No problem. Honestly, I just don't want anyone to distract me. If I'm dating, then I know for a fact I probably won't put a lot of effort into goals and put more effort into my relationships. If I'm dating, then I prefer to know how to balance things out. I don't know. Relationships is not on my mind right now.
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Old 06-20-2010, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 84,445,394 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by SamuelBrock77 View Post
I read very frequently on this website about how people are searching for love and companionship and to them it seems impossible to find. This is debatable as everyone meets people at their own pace. However, the responses were something that always got me curious. Over and over again when soemone expresses their feelings of being single and not liking being alone the overwhelming response is usually, "Maybe, you're just not ready." I always wondered exactly what that meant. How does one begin to walk a path that will get them ready to be in a relationship? I see people who are strung out on drugs and people who have mental problems stemming from unsolved issues from their past. However, these people are frequently in relationships with little to no attempt (going out, dating websites, belonging to a church/social group.) For some people it seems to come natural and for others (like me) I feel become single for years at a time and do not realize what they are doing wrong. I'm 27 and am single and have not been in a relationship in over 2 years. What can I and the rest of the single people here do to get ready and be prepared? Maybe I can start by stop thinking about it so much.
I don't believe there is such a thing as "being ready" for anything. If people were waiting to get ready to have kids, for instance, the world would cease to exist. You're as ready as you ever will be. You have no personal experience with it and until you get it you'll never know exactly what it entails.

As far as relationships, the more you wait to "get ready" and jump into them again, the less likely you are to do it. "Getting ready" seems to mean being more and more content with being alone and getting more and more set in your own ways. None of that is particularly conducive to being in a relationship. At least that's been my own experience.
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Old 06-20-2010, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Hawaii
1,589 posts, read 2,554,240 times
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After my divorce it took time to feel that I had something to offer another person. I needed to lick my wounds for awhile.

Also, being a single parent of teenagers, I really didn't want to be serious with anyone until my kids were grown and out of the house. We had a peaceful household and I didn't want to disrupt our lives again by adding another person/kids.

That's just me. I enjoyed the time I had to myself and the time I spent one on one with my children. They were good years. I liked meeting/dating people on a superficial level but kept things casual. Then at the the right time, the right man came along and everything else fell into place.

What can you do to get ready and be prepared? I'd advise anyone to just get out and start enjoying your life. Don't wait around and don't fall into a rut doing the same things at the same places week after week. Experience new things and meet new people. Be open and approachable.
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Old 06-20-2010, 01:05 PM
 
11,867 posts, read 16,080,703 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SamuelBrock77 View Post
How does one begin to walk a path that will get them ready to be in a relationship? I see people who are strung out on drugs and people who have mental problems stemming from unsolved issues from their past. However, these people are frequently in relationships with little to no attempt (going out, dating websites, belonging to a church/social group.) For some people it seems to come natural and for others (like me) I feel become single for years at a time and do not realize what they are doing wrong. I'm 27 and am single and have not been in a relationship in over 2 years. What can I and the rest of the single people here do to get ready and be prepared? Maybe I can start by stop thinking about it so much.
The people with drugs or other issues often date others with similar issues. It's often a survival tactic - not so much love. I watched a documentary series on young people with similar issues and they said they paired up as a way of life, not for the romance. It provided them a partner to look out for them, someone to spend time with, and someone to have sex with.

There is no way to be ready for love. You just have to accept that it will come when it comes. You may meet the right person tomorrow or you may meet them 20 years from now. The best thing to do is just go for the ride and not make yourself crazy trying to figure something out when there is absolutely no logic to it.
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Old 06-20-2010, 03:37 PM
 
18,517 posts, read 16,593,236 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SamuelBrock77 View Post
How does one begin to walk a path that will get them ready to be in a relationship? I see people who are strung out on drugs and people who have mental problems stemming from unsolved issues from their past. What can I and the rest of the single people here do to get ready and be prepared?
i'm guessing you are asking how to gain skills for a HEALTHY relationship, since anybody can get in a relationship or get laid

the examples you use in the opening post are a great place to start in preparing for relationship: work on yourself, be willing to take an honest look at what did and didn't work for you in the past in terms of friendship and intimacy, get free of drugs and addictions (not "on your own" but through professional help or a 12-step program), and be willing to work on issues from your growing up and past, they are the best most fertile ground in the world for areas to address; educate yourself on what healthy skills for relationship are, and be willing to cultivate those skills in yourself, for instance how to communicate, and anger management.

find work you love, take classes that stimulate your mind, have a hobby that is fun for you, find what gives you joy and participate in that regularly, make lists of the things you've always wanted to do and point yourself in that direction, what are your heart's desires? Learn to dance, get a massage, read uplifting material.

in short, make YOU the most important person in the world, make YOU the focus of your world: your health, your joy, your well-being, your peace of mind, your happiness. You have to be able to give those things to yourself, to love yourself, before anyone else can love you.
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Old 06-25-2010, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque
254 posts, read 395,452 times
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In my opinion being "ready" means being healthy, happy, confident, and independent. When you are in this place in your life you are more likely to attract people of the same qualities that will add quality to your life rather than drag you down.
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Old 06-25-2010, 06:55 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 14,537,752 times
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To be happy with someone else, you have to be happy with yourself first.

How you achieve happiness with yourself depends on you, but that's basically what it boils down to.
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Old 06-25-2010, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Outside always.
1,517 posts, read 2,214,573 times
Reputation: 1584
Be busy living your life. The more active, involved, and happy you are, the more likely love will find you. You can't sit around and wait on it, and looking too hard doesn't usually work. Just make yourself happy, and your attitude will attract people.
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Old 06-25-2010, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Simpsonville, SC
117 posts, read 231,539 times
Reputation: 405
Being ready will vary from person to person and from perspective to perspective.

To some, financial security is also known as "Yes, I can afford to start a new family", while to others "being ready to settle down" means that they are ready to give up the single lifestyle and focus more on trying to find the right companion or partner to start a family with. Others prefer to focus on the internal emotions with a "If you can't love yourself, how are you going to love somebody else?" kinda attitude. Then you have the kind of people that will not look for a real relationship until they finish their career because their career is like a "little baby" to them and settling down before finishing said career is a no-no; so there you have it, people always view this in a different life.

Others may have happened to have ended a long term relationship, so they are not quite ready to move on to settle down with anyone else, and they may need the time to forget their last partner, so time is the key word in this example. I think it just varies on how people place priorities in their life.

Regards
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