Going out without your s/o - how much is too much? (guy, dumped)
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I told him my cousin was in town and I might catch up with him this weekend and my bf got the angry about me going out all the time. I probably go out one night every second weekend. Other than things like girls nights out, he is always invited to come with me but he ALWAYS declines! What am I supposed to do? Waste my youth sitting at home on the couch every Friday and Saturday night flicking through tv channels while he zones out on the computer and totally ignores me?
I am thinking of not going and suggesting that he and I actually do something instead, like go out to a nice dinner. I can see his point of view - if he was out every weekend without me I wouldn't be too happy, but the difference is when we get invited out by his friends I always come along no matter what, just so I can be with him. He gets whiney and doesn't want to come if he won't know anyone whereas that doesn't bother me, I love making new friends.
So am I in the wrong here??? Should I be staying at home with him more?? Have you experienced this in your relationship before?
P.S. please, spare me the "haven't you dumped this guy yet?" posts. Thank you.
I'm 25 & broke up with my last boyfriend of 3.5 years because he wouldn't go to a Celine Dion concert with me. I told him that I need a man that's man enough to see Celine :-).
He is a 45 year old man who still rents, has never married and has no children. When we met (he was 36) he didn't even have a car. Of course at the time being so young and lovestruck as I was, none of that mattered to me.
He is definitely lazy and doesn't like responsibility. I am lazy too, but when it comes to the weekends I like to make the most of the 2 measly days we have off. We go out shopping during the day, but never go out at night.
Then there is the other side of him - the guy who has a heart as big as a house. Just yesterday we were both off sick from work and he took care of me all day, running around and getting me things, making sure I was ok and completely forgetting about himself. When I said to him "hon, you don't have to do all of this" he said "I want to. I love you."
Do you see why it's so impossible for me to decide what's right? What girl doesn't want to hear something like THAT?! ^^
Very true vanilla, but you have to decide whats important to you him doing sweet things now and again or you enjoying the relationship. The sweet things are nice, but the other crap sort of negates it. What if you decide on marriage later on, whats going to happen? And as someone pointed out people like that tend to get worse in terms of seclusion when they get older. So in a few years you might not even get the shopping out of him . You don't want to look back in life with regret over those lost years. But all in all the thing you have to consider is what makes you happy in life and go from there . IMO i think a separation of sorts might be something needed, it might get him to realize he needs to put more effort in.
Last edited by paganmama80; 10-28-2010 at 05:45 AM..
I think going out MORE THAN twice a month, w/o your S/O, is a bit much.
I feel when you're in a relationship, its a whole different ballgame. Priorities change. All that hanging out with the fellaz/girlfriends should be minimized and your TOP priority should be making plans to do something together with your mate.
Pfft the hell it is, i go out all the time without my mates. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you are joined at the hip.
Last edited by paganmama80; 10-28-2010 at 05:47 AM..
This is something that my DH and I got in a ginormous fight about almost two years ago and it still pisses me off every time I think about it.
We're a blended family. I have three kids from my first marriage and we now have a nine-month-old. At the time of this event, we did not have the baby nor was I pregnant. He had a friend suggest a trip to Denver with us but I couldn't go because of work commitments. I told DH to go ahead and go without me and have a good time. He planned on going to a strip club and I knew about it and was okay with it, just told him not to spend too much money. When he came back he was happy and I was glad he had a good time.
Fast forward to about two months later. A group of guys from my (former) work's computer department were having a "Rock Band" party at the corporate office on the big-screen projector. It's a game I enjoyed a lot and wanted to go to. It was a Friday night and DH had to work early Saturday morning, so he wouldn't have been able to go with me. The guys who were throwing it were from my work and were mutual friends of us both. One of the guys was the one he went to Denver with in the aforementioned trip. I asked DH if he would mind if I went and he said yes--he would mind. At first I was taken aback--it was a couple miles away, for a few hours, and yes it would be without him, but it wasn't like I was going to the bar without him. My kids would be put to bed and in bed asleep while DH slept as well. His statement was, "I'm not going to babysit your kids for you so you can go out with a bunch of guys." First of all, no action would have been required, the kids and DH would all be asleep. Second of all, the "bunch of guys" were computer geeks that we BOTH knew well and had hung out with for years. Also, I never, ever, ever, ever go out. I asked what I was supposed to do if I wanted someone to watch "my kids" while I went, and he said I'd have to hire a babysitter. He actually wanted me to pay someone to sit on our couch and watch TV while everyone in the household, including him, slept. I thought this was incredibly ridiculous.
I didn't end up going, but I was furious about it and still am. If the shoe were on the other foot and if he had kids from another relationship I would not have any problem watching them while he went out and enjoyed himself once in awhile with his friends. I think trust and giving are components of a healthy relationship. His statement was that if he had a kid he would never expect me to "watch his kid" while he "went out."
See you did a disservice by not going, because you basically said it was okay for him to do his stuff but not you. And i would have smacked him for that "your kids comment" because they are now his kids as well.
It isn't possible for me to even indentify with a guy that never had a car into his 30's or 40's. Just doesn't compute.
Before I was 14 I had cars and motorcycles i couldn't drive legally, but i drove them anyway.
Before I was 12 I had hiked the Presidential Range here in NH 3 times from end to end, never stopped since, but I learned to prefer dead winter. My wife has a bad time keeping me out of the woods, and while she isn't made of the same stuff as me, she is in the woods plenty.
I plan to lounge around some time after I am dead. Till then I will this body i have hard. If you ask a x ray tech to read my ribs they just laugh, and tell me it looks like a road map.
When in 05 my wife and I crossed the USA both ways on a Kawi Nomad touring mc, I went to SD and crashed breaking 3 ribs, and just kept riding. The total ribs then was 17 broken, since then 2 more, but while it hurts and I feel disconected, I keep on...... I might be the only rider to have ridden the usa 1 and 1/2 times with broken ribs.
Life has been a little rough, so I still rent, so I don't count that much. Beside with the Govt as it is, renting seems to be a fair option. No one can really ever own much of anything.
The taxes and fees never stop. If you look over your belongings and can set a value on them, they may be assets, but most people have lots of junk they like, not worth a thing.
That's another thing I used to be ok with but I am not anymore. I have given a lot up so I can be with this man, including my dream of travelling the world for months on end. I need to get out there and do things one way or another. I can't just sit on my butt.
What is also frustrating is that he USED to LOVE to go out! He was the life of the party and would stay out hours later than me!
Imho, it somewhat sounds to me like what an alcoholic might feel. They have to get to a lowlow spot in their life, where they are sick & tired of being sick & tired, before they seek HElp.
Maybe your boyfriend hasn't gotten to the low spot yet where he wants to Exercise, Lose Weight, Get to where he Once again Feels Good about Himself, Want to do things with you, Go to places with you.
By getting into an exercise routine & Losing weight bf Will Feel more Energetic, probably feel younger.
Best of Luck to ye Both, Darlin'.
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. You don't want to look back in life with regret over those lost years. But all in all the thing you have to consider is what makes you happy in life and go from there 
