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But what I'm saying was...I vented a LOT--but she knew I didn't mean it seriously. The closest I got to quitting was trying on *another* full time job without leaving the other, just to see if it would work out.
Sometimes when people vent too much they actually become obsessed with the problem and it becomes a broken record. And the negativity becomes a habit.
You have been very patient; however, it is time to share your feelings about how much this is stressing you out. And it's not your responsibility to fix her problems at work.
Do you think she would be willing to meet a few times with a professional counselor to learn how to put her thoughts/complaints into perspective and learn how to deal with them - learn how to control them and not them them control her.
There are bosses who truly are real jerks and seem to enjoy making employees miserable; but we can't change or control them, we can only change and control ourselves.
I don't know your wife, obviously, and I'm not trying to find fault with her; but is it just her job she complains about, or does she at times go into too much drama regarding any topic that she's not happy with?
Again, you can only do so much and the rest is up to her to either look for another job or do all she can to make it easier on herself at her current job.
Sometimes when people vent too much they actually become obsessed with the problem and it becomes a broken record. And the negativity becomes a habit.
You have been very patient; however, it is time to share your feelings about how much this is stressing you out. And it's not your responsibility to fix her problems at work.
Do you think she would be willing to meet a few times with a professional counselor to learn how to put her thoughts/complaints into perspective and learn how to deal with them - learn how to control them and not them them control her.
There are bosses who truly are real jerks and seem to enjoy making employees miserable; but we can't change or control them, we can only change and control ourselves.
I don't know your wife, obviously, and I'm not trying to find fault with her; but is it just her job she complains about, or does she at times go into too much drama regarding any topic that she's not happy with?
Again, you can only do so much and the rest is up to her to either look for another job or do all she can to make it easier on herself at her current job.
Good points. Yes, I have tried to listen for many years. I've given her my advice. I am just sick of it now, especially as now she is acting as if I am the one with the problem for being anxious and stressed out by this (but I'm the husband and should be a constant venting post for her). This is stressing me out because I think that she's gonna lose it and work and just quit (apparently I am crazy and worrying over nothing for thinking that way). I want to help her, but she just wants to vent all the time, texting me at work, telling me she can't cope and is about to walk out. This is really affecting my own work and my mental state in general. I dread weekdays. I always dread what will go wrong next. I have resorted to drinking and working late, just to avoid this particular reality.
Unfortunately, she's not looking like she's going to hang in there. As I keep trying to stress to her, our problems will be 1,000,000 tlmes worse if she just quits without finding another job first. Unemployment is at almost 13% where we live.
Well, this works for me but won't for her obviously. When he is in a *****^&^$*@&^*% mood, part of my job is breaking stuff. Often, I get to use a sledge hammer to break up cast iron. Sometimes it only takes one whack. That shuts him the f*** up!LMAO...........
Last edited by 2RUGGED4YOU; 06-21-2010 at 06:13 PM..
I've been married to my wife for almost 5 years. We are both in our late 20's, no kids and both of us work. My wife has never been happy at the jobs she's worked at. Her current job was ok for a while, but now she hates her boss. While I am on her side and sympathize, she is not handling it well and she is shooting herself in the foot by not covering her a-- and taking precautions instead of taking it all way too personally.
While I understand that she needs to vent, the venting has become a problem. She not only complains when we're at home, but she sends me text messages at work, threatening to quit, or she'll call me in a desperate state. Unfortunately, I find this hard to deal with and I have been suffering from anxiety as of late because I'm scared that she'll either have a nervous breakdown, or quit....and we're not able to survive on my income alone, nor do we have "options" to fall back on. I have tried to ask her not to text or call me at work venting, because on top of my own stress at work, it's simply too much for me to deal with and I tend to freak out, which causes arguments and leads to "I won't tell you anything anymore" and the guilt trip.
I am sure she thinks we'll just move back in with her mother if the s--t hits the fan, but I would rather sleep on a park bench than entertain that notion.
Am I wrong for being thoroughly sick of this? Ladies in particular, I want you to answer that. I know women like to vent and we're supposed to listen, but this is too much, especially as I cannot DO anything to help her in the sense of saying "ok honey, just quit and I'll take care of you until you find another job" (jobs are also hard to come by). I have given her my advice; I told her to document everything and take the issue up with HR).
What should I do? I guess she doesn't understand that the stress of it is affecting me too, since. I have my own problems at work to deal with. I avoid going home until late because of this situation. I have also started drinking and I'm contemplating ending this as I am losing my sanity.
This sounds very stressful for you and your wife. Obviously, you are very loving and sensitive to her feelings. Kudos to you. It sounds like you need to build some protective factors into your marriage. For example, you could divert the venting to informal supports, such as her girlfriends. This would be a way of establishing a much needed boundary without verbalizing it (note: you will have to work on boundaries with her at some point--this is common to all relationships). Don't try to be the hero. It takes a village to make a marriage work.
I'm going to say the most embarrassing and open bookish thing I ever have on here. I am exactly like this. I actually just made my husband read this and tell me he didn't write it. Except for the part at the end about drinking. He would never do that.
I realize how wrong this is and I'm trying to get over it and think more positively. I hate that it affects our lives/relationship. And especially that it hurts/stresses my husband. I really am trying to just leave it at work. I don't guilt trip him and say "fine i'll never tell you anything anymore." But I do try not to talk about it as much because it doesn't even help and it bothers him. If I can't get myself to think positively about it, then I can at least try to spare him all the crap.
I have a deep need to get satisfaction out of doing a job well. Honestly even cleaning a bathroom, anything. Often, I'm not allowed time or resources to do a job well, then get "in trouble" for it. Or I do a spectacular job on something really imporant then either get nickpicked about it or told the task didn't matter. It affects my self esteem SO much. I don't need someone to say "you're the best!" to me all the time, just to not give me negative comments constantly and be all over me about minor things. I think the job is just toxic to me. Yes, it's partially a problem with me, but I believe it would be partially solved by a boss and job that was good for me.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't really have any easy answers for you. I don't know if you should encourage her to send out resumes because I know that getting your hopes up for a better job then not getting it can feel even worse than the job she has currently. I guess just make sure it's coming from a place where you're saying. "I want your/our time away from work to be happy and fun and relaxing. Don't let your a**hole boss ruin your life outside of work, too" Instead fo saying "quit bitching!" Not saying you're saying that, but that's all the advice I can really give. From your wife to you (since I pretty much AM her) I'm sorry.
I'm going to say the most embarrassing and open bookish thing I ever have on here. I am exactly like this. I actually just made my husband read this and tell me he didn't write it. Except for the part at the end about drinking. He would never do that.
I realize how wrong this is and I'm trying to get over it and think more positively. I hate that it affects our lives/relationship. And especially that it hurts/stresses my husband. I really am trying to just leave it at work. I don't guilt trip him and say "fine i'll never tell you anything anymore." But I do try not to talk about it as much because it doesn't even help and it bothers him. If I can't get myself to think positively about it, then I can at least try to spare him all the crap.
I have a deep need to get satisfaction out of doing a job well. Honestly even cleaning a bathroom, anything. Often, I'm not allowed time or resources to do a job well, then get "in trouble" for it. Or I do a spectacular job on something really imporant then either get nickpicked about it or told the task didn't matter. It affects my self esteem SO much. I don't need someone to say "you're the best!" to me all the time, just to not give me negative comments constantly and be all over me about minor things. I think the job is just toxic to me. Yes, it's partially a problem with me, but I believe it would be partially solved by a boss and job that was good for me.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't really have any easy answers for you. I don't know if you should encourage her to send out resumes because I know that getting your hopes up for a better job then not getting it can feel even worse than the job she has currently. I guess just make sure it's coming from a place where you're saying. "I want your/our time away from work to be happy and fun and relaxing. Don't let your a**hole boss ruin your life outside of work, too" Instead fo saying "quit bitching!" Not saying you're saying that, but that's all the advice I can really give. From your wife to you (since I pretty much AM her) I'm sorry.
All it takes is to have a boss like this and they will understand. It is how you deal with it that makes you a good person. Like I said, I get to blow off a lot of steam breaking things. When I go home I am cool!
I've been married to my wife for almost 5 years. We are both in our late 20's, no kids and both of us work. My wife has never been happy at the jobs she's worked at. Her current job was ok for a while, but now she hates her boss. While I am on her side and sympathize, she is not handling it well and she is shooting herself in the foot by not covering her a-- and taking precautions instead of taking it all way too personally.
While I understand that she needs to vent, the venting has become a problem. She not only complains when we're at home, but she sends me text messages at work, threatening to quit, or she'll call me in a desperate state. Unfortunately, I find this hard to deal with and I have been suffering from anxiety as of late because I'm scared that she'll either have a nervous breakdown, or quit....and we're not able to survive on my income alone, nor do we have "options" to fall back on. I have tried to ask her not to text or call me at work venting, because on top of my own stress at work, it's simply too much for me to deal with and I tend to freak out, which causes arguments and leads to "I won't tell you anything anymore" and the guilt trip.
I am sure she thinks we'll just move back in with her mother if the s--t hits the fan, but I would rather sleep on a park bench than entertain that notion.
Am I wrong for being thoroughly sick of this? Ladies in particular, I want you to answer that. I know women like to vent and we're supposed to listen, but this is too much, especially as I cannot DO anything to help her in the sense of saying "ok honey, just quit and I'll take care of you until you find another job" (jobs are also hard to come by). I have given her my advice; I told her to document everything and take the issue up with HR).
What should I do? I guess she doesn't understand that the stress of it is affecting me too, since. I have my own problems at work to deal with. I avoid going home until late because of this situation. I have also started drinking and I'm contemplating ending this as I am losing my sanity.
You have made a grave mistake. NEVER get romantically involved with a person who hates their job. Your post illustrates why.
My advice: 1. Tell her to quit and help her find a new job. OR 2. Just leave her and move on with your life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fall3n
I am sure she thinks we'll just move back in with her mother if the s--t hits the fan, but I would rather sleep on a park bench than entertain that notion.
he he... Typical of a rugged man such as yourself.
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Obsessed with Venting. . .
He better watch his speed after hours as well when he has been a a-hole!
