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Old 06-22-2010, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Ohio
751 posts, read 1,669,310 times
Reputation: 668

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Sounds like you slept with him too soon and now the lines are blurred.
I didn't see where she stated they slept together.

My b/f and I have known one another for 5yrs but have only lived together for 4 yrs and we both sometimes pay for our own way and sometimes I will treat him and he treats me.

To the OP if you don't wish to go then don't go.If you choose to go then go.Simple.
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,052 posts, read 4,291,578 times
Reputation: 2475
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
A friend from Japan called me telling me she was going on a business trip to Paris, France and later wanted to check out Morocco for another week or so. She came up with the plan, so what? She made the reservation for my hotel and her's. When I arrived, I simply asked her for the hotel receipt print out just to see what kind of services we would get and all but actually I also wanted to see how much it was. Easy, I paid my part, no problem. And all along the trip, it went smoothly. As simple as she taking the tab for our lunch and me calling the cab and paying. No drama, no nonsense. We were both equals, both valued, both taking care of each other in ALL ASPECTS of our trip, she taking my luggage in the airport and putting it in the cart as I arranged transportation, me taking the luggage in the hotel while she was checking in, etc. It's so simple to be equals really. Both in the receiving end, both offering chivalry, both taking care of expenses, everything revolving around BOTH OF US .
What's noteworthy about this story? She was your friend, taking a business trip that you just happened to accompany her on. Guaranteed you will be stuck in friend zone and guaranteed she's never even entertained a thought of you as anything else.

When's the last time you've been in a relationship?
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:43 PM
 
3,320 posts, read 5,575,199 times
Reputation: 11125
Quote:
Originally Posted by thewaywewere View Post
So my date and I have been going out for 1 month now. We meet very frequently( every other day). He's talking about making a short trip to las vages. Should I offer to pay my own ticket and stuff?( first he said he will pay, the second time he said ticket is kinda expensive. i just feel kinda embarassing talking about money with him

Also, he refers me as " lover" which kinda bothers me. is it normal to call your date " lover"? does it mean it's more like a physical type relationship?

Thanks for your opinnions.)
Well are you lovers? If so, then I would let him pay. I am from the old fashioned era that believes the man should pay if there is any play. Actually with any man I ever dated...if they didn't offer to pay on the first date, they were history. Just worked out that way! Course I was never a big serial dater.
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:50 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,665 posts, read 69,459,247 times
Reputation: 26726
Quote:
Originally Posted by thewaywewere View Post
So my date and I have been going out for 1 month now. We meet very frequently( every other day). He's talking about making a short trip to las vages. Should I offer to pay my own ticket and stuff?( first he said he will pay, the second time he said ticket is kinda expensive. i just feel kinda embarassing talking about money with him

Also, he refers me as " lover" which kinda bothers me. is it normal to call your date " lover"? does it mean it's more like a physical type relationship?

Thanks for your opinnions.)
It's only a month. Did he bring up the Vegas trip in the heat of passion and then tell you later on that the "ticket is kinda expensive"? Do you WANT to go to Vegas with him? Are you prepared to pay your own way? You really need to discuss the financial situation whether or not you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about it - communication (or lack of) is the biggest problem between males and females and you have to make yourself clear.

Calling you "lover" - well that's a bit tricky. Depends on how it's said but if it makes you feel uncomfortable then always best to listen to your inner voice ...


Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq View Post
I (as a guy) would expect a women to pay half of everything we do.

This is 2010. Not 1950. Equal rights means men and women splitting the tab on everything equally.
Not true and chivalry is not dead where either sex is concerned. If a man asks out a woman it's expected that he will pay. If a woman asks a man out, then the woman should pay. I've held this tenet for 47 years since I started dating at 16-17 years old. After the first date it's all dependent on who earns what. When I was first dating I didn't make much money but I'd repay the compliment of a date by cooking dinner at my place. I've always been one for equality and it works out one way or the other and, if you get a taker who doesn't understand that then you don't date them if it becomes an issue.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sophialee View Post
No it doesn't. Equal rights pertains to the law. If you don't want to pay for your dates, don't. But it has nothing to do with equal rights.
I think it's more to do with social equal rights as in being a human being who has regard for his or her fellow man or woman in general.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq View Post
Just my opinion.

Equality is equality in my opinion. A women should hold the door for me as much as I should hold it for her.

Again - this is not 1950 anymore.
And I've always held open the door for a man when the occasion has arisen so we're on the same page.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq View Post
I hold doors for everyone, male or female. It is common courtesy.

I have been in a relationship with the same girl (who happens to be a surgeon) for the last three years. Can you do better than that?
Just shows you're very human but can come across sometimes on a forum as being a boorish lout. Al is well!

Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita View Post
Never go anywhere or do anything you can't afford to which includes:

1. paying your own way (eating, lodging, entertainment)
2. paying your own way back home if things go wrong

regardless of how long you have been dating. Until you are married or have joint accounts, don't assume HE will do all the paying.
Well said!
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
17,029 posts, read 30,791,229 times
Reputation: 16265
I'm a bit old school...I wouldn't be making overnights and vacations if I only knew this person for a month.
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:57 PM
 
9,855 posts, read 15,160,554 times
Reputation: 5481
Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident View Post
Not true and chivalry is not dead where either sex is concerned. If a man asks out a woman it's expected that he will pay. If a woman asks a man out, then the woman should pay. I've held this tenet for 47 years since I started dating at 16-17 years old. After the first date it's all dependent on who earns what. When I was first dating I didn't make much money but I'd repay the compliment of a date by cooking dinner at my place. I've always been one for equality and it works out one way or the other and, if you get a taker who doesn't understand that then you don't date them if it becomes an issue.
I think you missed my point entirely. The concept that the man has to pay for everything on every date is entirely antiquated. Chivalry isn't dead, it is just irrelevant in today's society. It went away when we decided equality should be prized above all else.

Quote:
Just shows you're very human but can come across sometimes on a forum as being a boorish lout. Al is well!
I know I come across like that...does it make me any less right?
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:57 PM
 
6,536 posts, read 7,254,220 times
Reputation: 3805
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick View Post
What's noteworthy about this story? She was your friend, taking a business trip that you just happened to accompany her on. Guaranteed you will be stuck in friend zone and guaranteed she's never even entertained a thought of you as anything else
How about the other story I shared? See, with them, it doesn't matter who "came up" with the plan, who recommended, who asked, who mentioned it, etc. It's OUR trip, not her trip unless she's going by herself.

Yes, she took a business trip AND THEN a vacation. Still, she went ahead and booked my hotel . I didn't act as a woman by taking advantage of any single opportunity to squeeze money out of a guy's wallet. Nope, she came up with the plan and all but nobody twisted my arm to go. I WANTED TO GO, so guess what, I am as much involved in that trip as she was. So BOTH OF US contributed and nobody just sat back and enjoyed the freebies, as women do in relationships all under the name of chivalry or under the whole "men ask out, they should take care of women". When I met her, I paid her my part for the hotel. As an Asian woman, she was fine with it but I still paid her. Our trip was just like that, both being equals and being as involved with the trip, with each other, etc. Also with the girl who I took with me to Cancun, Mexico. Those are not the only trips I have travelled with a girl and things are just like that between me and them, we are equals. How nice!

Quote:
When's the last time you've been in a relationship?
A couple of years ago. And yes, we were both equals in all aspects of the relationship .

What is it about chivalry that men don't understand? What is it about EQUALITY that women don't seem to understand? Actually, women do understand equality, only in the things that benefit them. Have you thought about offering chivalry as well? It's all about BOTH GENDERS being in the receiving end, what is so terrible about that? Or do you want it all for yourself instead of sharing?

I should be careful when talking to western girls about my vacation trips because if I say a friendly "...oh yeah, I am going to X part of the world for vacation...we should go!/Wanna go?/let's check it out/It would be great if you went/You will like it/etc." then she will be knocking on my door on departure date with her luggage asking me "So, where's my ticket?...you came out with the plan so you should pay for me, a gentleman does thoes things!". Women get so technical with these things to get things their way. See, we are not talking about us just having all the priviledges and benefits, as women, we are talking about SHARING, being EQUALS. It seems women don't want that and just want it all for themselves: men should take initiative, men should pay, men should propose, men should buy engagement ring, men should carry my stuff, etc. How about changing it to WE should take initiative equally, we should pay equally, we should propose, we should buy engagement rings, we should carry stuff together, etc. Does that sound terrible?
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,052 posts, read 4,291,578 times
Reputation: 2475
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post


A couple of years ago. And yes, we were both equals in all aspects of the relationship .
Yeah, like I really believe that. The more I hear from you, the less I believe.
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Old 06-22-2010, 02:07 PM
 
6,536 posts, read 7,254,220 times
Reputation: 3805
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick View Post
Yeah, like I really believe that. The more I hear from you, the less I believe.
So you don't want to believe me, that's your choice . Look at the pic in my profile. Yup, that's me. And that is the kind of thing I like to do not only on weekends. I will post more soon.

You mentioned something about men not understanding chivalry...I replied to your points below. What do you think? ...

...What is it about chivalry that men don't understand? What is it about EQUALITY that women don't seem to understand? Actually, women do understand equality, only in the things that benefit them. Have you thought about offering chivalry as well? It's all about BOTH GENDERS being in the receiving end, what is so terrible about that? Or do you want it all for yourself instead of sharing?

I should be careful when talking to western girls about my vacation trips because if I say a friendly "...oh yeah, I am going to X part of the world for vacation...we should go!/Wanna go?/let's check it out/It would be great if you went/You will like it/etc." then she will be knocking on my door on departure date with her luggage asking me "So, where's my ticket?...you came out with the plan so you should pay for me, a gentleman does thoes things!". Women get so technical with these things to get things their way. See, we are not talking about us just having all the priviledges and benefits, as women, we are talking about SHARING, being EQUALS. It seems women don't want that and just want it all for themselves: men should take initiative, men should pay, men should propose, men should buy engagement ring, men should carry my stuff, etc. How about changing it to WE should take initiative equally, we should pay equally, we should propose, we should buy engagement rings, we should carry stuff together, etc. Does that sound terrible?
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Old 06-22-2010, 02:13 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,665 posts, read 69,459,247 times
Reputation: 26726
Quote:
Originally Posted by hnsq View Post
I think you missed my point entirely. The concept that the man has to pay for everything on every date is entirely antiquated. Chivalry isn't dead, it is just irrelevant in today's society. It went away when we decided equality should be prized above all else.

I know I come across like that...does it make me any less right?
I don't think I missed your point at all but if you're now claiming that chivalry is irrelevant in today's society then I sincerely hope that you're not a spokesperson for the average American, either male or female. If you think chivalry is irrelevant then it would stand to reason that you think basic good manners and honesty are also irrelevant since chivalry is all about manners, honesty and much more, no?

As far as your second comment, do note that although I mentioned that you have tended to come across on this forum as a boorish lout, your last post redeemed you and I commented that "all is well". So it's not a question about your being right or wrong, simply gets back to communication and the ability to communicate.

Throwing out quick generalizations in posts often leads to misinterpretation. Cheers!
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