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Wrong! I am perfectly okay with women taking the initiative. If other women want to do that, more power to'em. I could not possibly care less. As I've said earlier in this thread, it's not my style--key word being "my." In the post you are responding to, I said, "I, personally" and "I can only speak for myself."
Some of you men really need to start reading more carefully.
I was saying in terms about caring about being a relationship. You don't care, but many women do. Still, the majority of them are content to sit back and let the men pursue them...and complain if he doesn't. The woman who pursues is rare.
This is a losing strategy for both genders. Most people don't get what they want by waiting for it come to them. Can you imagine trying to land a job that way? That's why it gets tiring to hear women (and men) complain about being alone. You just want to stop these people and ask, "what are you doing to find that person?" Too often, you'll hear that they're just going to work, coming home, hanging out with the same friends, etc. People are fond of saying that you'll meet someone when you're not looking. I never bought into that. Yes, meeting someone does rely a lot on luck. But it also requires going out there and taking initiative. There are women who do exactly what TKramar does, which is sit back and wait because they're stuck in outdated gender roles. I have more respect for the woman who sees what she wants and goes after it, even if there's a chance she may fall flat on her face, than on the one who waits and doesn't take initiative because she's too afraid of what others will think of her or because she's still clinging to dating rules from the 50s.
I don't think anything works for all people. It is up to everyone to find the strategy that works best for them. I don't chase men, and I am not lonely. Finding men to date is not a problem. They approach the women I know. We do not have to approach them. I don't know why that is, but it is. I would never approach a man and ask him out. If other women want to, good for them. It does not make me old fashioned. It is just something I don't want to do. Why that bothers other people I don't get. It is my business, and I have never complained about being lonely or not finding a man. Men are plentiful. A good man is hard to find, but I am sure a good woman is hard to find too. I am not worried about finding a man for a LTR. It will happen when it happens.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,999,259 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar
I was saying in terms about caring about being a relationship. You don't care, but many women do. Still, the majority of them are content to sit back and let the men pursue them...and complain if he doesn't. The woman who pursues is rare.
I'd say that has a great deal to do with hearing men complain about women coming off as too pushy or too forward. I think people in general are so afraid to make a mistake-what's too forward to one person may not be to another--so they tread lightly.
I would never approach a man and ask him out. If other women want to, good for them. It does not make me old fashioned. It is just something I don't want to do. Why that bothers other people I don't get. It is my business, and I have never complained about being lonely or not finding a man. Men are plentiful. A good man is hard to find, but I am sure a good woman is hard to find too. I am not worried about finding a man for a LTR. It will happen when it happens.
If you don't want to approach a man, that's fine. I think some of us men just get tired of hearing women who complain about never being able to meet good men. That's kind of like me complaining about not being able to find a job if all I do is post my resume online and wait for employers to contact me rather than actually applying directly.
This is a losing strategy for both genders. Most people don't get what they want by waiting for it come to them. Can you imagine trying to land a job that way? That's why it gets tiring to hear women (and men) complain about being alone. You just want to stop these people and ask, "what are you doing to find that person?" Too often, you'll hear that they're just going to work, coming home, hanging out with the same friends, etc. People are fond of saying that you'll meet someone when you're not looking. I never bought into that. Yes, meeting someone does rely a lot on luck. But it also requires going out there and taking initiative. There are women who do exactly what TKramar does, which is sit back and wait because they're stuck in outdated gender roles. I have more respect for the woman who sees what she wants and goes after it, even if there's a chance she may fall flat on her face, than on the one who waits and doesn't take initiative because she's too afraid of what others will think of her or because she's still clinging to dating rules from the 50s.
Sure, but again, you're talking to people who actively want, desire, yearn for, etc. a partner.
What cracks me up is that I don't think any of the men who are complaining here have looked inward. I know plenty of men who have been approached by women. If it never happens to these gents here, ever, maybe there's something about them that is either unapproachable or just plain unappealing. Radiating disdain for women would be one possibility.
Because if he's interested as much as she is, she simply won't take the initiative, women simply don't. Sure, there's always that small exception but generally women in the forum and out have shown how they like a man to take the initiative, take them out, be a gentleman, and so on. So, having a woman not willing to do it for the man, someone has to do it, and as expected/demanded, men will. Therefore, men have no choice. It is one of those expectations that benefit you as a woman.
What do you mean, you "have no choice"? You have repeatedly said you date women who approach you, plan dates, split the tab ... what's the problem? You have a choice, are exercising it, and seem to be very happy with it.
See, you said as much below:
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC
Yeah, one will [approach me], and other have, as I do for them. It's just my preference just like you have yours.
It doesn't go like that with me. WE BOTH pursue and get to sit back and enjoy together having BOTH as involved as the other in all aspects of the relationship or date.
Too pushy is grabbing my butt, pinching it, rubbing up against me. Especially when you don't even know my name. It's not pushy to come over and ask what I'm reading. Or working on. Or asking to shoot a round of pool.
But it's nice if you actually take the time to get to know me. That's the trick, right there. Take the time to talk to me.
Sure, but again, you're talking to people who actively want, desire, yearn for, etc. a partner.
What cracks me up is that I don't think any of the men who are complaining here have looked inward. I know plenty of men who have been approached by women. If it never happens to these gents here, ever, maybe there's something about them that is either unapproachable or just plain unappealing. Radiating disdain for women would be one possibility.
All of the women I have dated approached me.
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