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Drugs are not a "hobby" for recreation, regardless of what you've been told. Every hardcore drug user started out the same way, curiousity with the attitude "you only live once" and progressed from that point thinking they'd never become addicted.
I agree that everyone addicted to a hardcore drug started out just experimenting. BUT not everyone who experimented turned into a hardcore drug addict...
You have to love the hypocrites who get up in the morning, have a cup of coffee, grab a cigarette during the day, have a martini or wine in the evening, occasionally take a Valium when they are stressed...
While they knock full blown adults for recreational drug use. 98% of us use some form of drug to alter our mood.
You all are both young and you don't seem to want to break up with her.
Until you feel very sure about your future together: (1) Don't get married; (2) Always use birth control; (3) Don't share your finances in any way (bank accounts, loans, etc.). In other words, make it easy to exit if you decide to. Keep your eyes open and take care of yourself.
Lots of people use drugs when they're 20. Sometimes their lives go completely to ****e and sometimes it's just a phase. Time will tell. I smoked pot and loved mushrooms when I was younger. Then I grew up. My husband liked acid and then he grew up. Neither of us do any drugs now.
Ok so just as a disclaimer, both my girlfriend and I are 20 and in college, but nevertheless I'm looking for constructive advice so please don't treat me like a child.
We've been together now for two and a half years, and have had a great relationship so far. Very few fights, a speed bump here and there, but we're going strong. Lately however, we have had a new tension affect our relationship and it has left me feeling stressed, depressed, and confused. My girlfriend and I do have personality differences, to put it broadly, she likes to live her life a free spirit and without ceilings (they hinder her potential so to speak) and I am somewhere in the middle, living more cautiously and mindful of the consequences. My girlfriend has for awhile now been into casual pot smoking and such, and I never really minded. But in recent weeks, she's brought it to my attention that she wants to experiment onto harder drugs, not because she's unsatisfied with weed, but just for the experiences. Despite what she says, I think this is largely influenced by her two best friends who have experience with harder drugs (she smokes with them often). For the record, I do trust and like her friends even though I disagree with their lifestyle. But now my girlfriend is getting dragged in too, and it has made us fight stupidly. She isn't interested in the crazily addictive stuff mind you, just the hallucinagens, psychadelics, etc. I've been a leinient boyfriend, but I just don't feel comfortable with a steady girlfriend casually using hard drugs. My girlfriend recognizes this, and feels bad, but pretty much refuses to find a comprimising point with me. She thinks that we should agree to disagree on this issue, and I should let her do what she wants because it's not directly affecting me. I just don't see it as that black and white though, and I feel like I'm making an investment in her that I just don't want muddled by hard drugs, and how they will affect her health. She has tried to assure me that she will moderate herself and not use these drugs more than once a year-ish at most, and I was content with that at first. But now she's tried LSD and loved it, and I'm certain she'll try to do it more like every few weeks-two months....which seems to be the average availability around here. Her friends will also surely help influence her against my interpretation of moderation, which has just been aggravating so far.
So that's kind of the tip of the iceberg, sorry this is turning out to be a long story. What do you all think? I can live with seldom experimentation, but I feel really against casual use. I feel like she's undermining my feelings on this issue, and it has just left me feeling powerless and confused on what direction our relationship is heading. So should I mellow out and ride with it? Or do I have a good reason to keep fighting, even an eventual breakup based on sticking to our convictions?
Loose the druggie and find a girl who is into keeping her mind and body healthy. This chick will only either A) Let you down B) Break you down C) Burn you ...in the long run.
Never mind the fact that most girls who smoke pot and do drugs look disgusting. Maybe not at first, but down the line, when her experimental use goes to casual and than habitual, she will start to let herself go. Always happens.
You both are young and are not made for each other and are really just a bunch of kiddies with hormones raging.
Make the smart choice, move on, get all your ducks and a row, and keep your life in order.
Drugs are for big time losers, especially hard drugs.
I think you and your girlfriend ought to find an open Narcotics Anonymous meeting in your area and attend it, and see what others say about taking drugs.
No one has a say over whether they personally get addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. Some people do - some people don't. Why tempt fate?
The brain is such a precious part of the human body - your mind can help you in the future to get through school, solve problems throughout life, make important decisions, keep you sane in tough times, and make a good living if you can understand complex information.
Tell her that you love her but you don't think your lifestyles are compatable and you want to find a girl who is on the same page as you. Trust me. This will force her hand and there is no way you can loose. If she doesn't care then you know something you should already know, that she doesn't really love you all that much. On the other hand, the thought of loosing your, or you being with another girl, could shake her to the core and make her take a hard look at herself. As hokey as it sounds many young people, especially girls, actually LIKE having someone hold them to higher standards.
The unfortunate issue with hallucinogens is if one happens to have a family disposition towards mental disorders (psychosis), consumption can be the means to having a break from reality, and the user doesn't come back. Hallucinogens stay in the fatty tissues for years, leading to 'flashbacks.' Most of the brain is myelinated, meaning it is loaded with fatty tissue. She can be checked out after one session, or after several. Many drugs are cut with non-inert chemicals, apparently extending the amount one has for sales, which provides nastier kicks than the primary drug.
Drugs alter neurochemistry. Drugs alter priorities. She has made decisions independent of your desires, thoughts, and feelings. She wants both and all. Anyone unwillingly in a relationship where their partner is using drugs or alcohol is playing second fiddle to a mistress. She has made her intentions and priorities known. She has put you second and has 'retracted' her statement of casual use. Do you want to wait to find out how much she compromises her standards?
The costs of being a partner to one carrying/using drugs are high. Depending on the state, you can have your vehicle impounded, you can be equally accused of possession or sale (do you think she would own up if she was holding a large amount that it was her own?) and there are greater costs as have already been explained. Jail or community service or fines are not comforting for someone so young. Records are not easily expunged for such 'mistakes.'
Someone has already stated you are at a fork in the road and your ambivalence about the better choice is leading you to defer a decision. This is enabling someone who doesn't otherwise have respect or care for your feelings, your position, or your decisions. This is not patient love. Alternately, she may do it for a while, come out of it fine, and you will carry on with your lives together. Do you think you will not resent her decision to have been an independent 'free' spirit, for the discomfort it provided for that period of time? This is not a mature act, to disregard a partner. One of the consequences of marijuana use is apathy. She's sure showing you that.
All this stated, you are still at that fork in the road. I wish you well as you consider your options.
Last edited by profgent1; 06-25-2010 at 06:47 PM..
Reason: clarity of thought and greater depth of information
You have to love the hypocrites who get up in the morning, have a cup of coffee, grab a cigarette during the day, have a martini or wine in the evening, occasionally take a Valium when they are stressed...
While they knock full blown adults for recreational drug use. 98% of us use some form of drug to alter our mood.
Beside the legal part, What's the difference ?
I agree personally because I dont do any of that (I take advil when I have pains bad enough to wherethe pain makes it difficult to work or run errands, but thats it)
But even though I personally don't take pills often, do drugs, or drink, I still see a differnce between smoking weed and doing heroin, drinking coffee and getting drunk every night, taking an advil and taking a pill every single time you're depressed, stressed, or have a minor ache..etc. You don't think there's a differnce?
It sounds like you and your girlfriend have two different sets of priorities and values. This is a "big ticket" item and if you don't have the same perspective, you might just be a little bit too different from each other for the relationship to be a success, regardless of whether you want it to be.
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