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Are you the kind of person who will do any favors asked of you or does it bother you when people frequently call asking you to do things for them?
Since being back on speaking terms with my mother as of yesterday (mistake #1), she's called me four times yesterday and once today to do favors for her. I guess I wouldn't mind so much if I didn't have my own stuff to do. Her reasoning is that she works 40 hours per week (hey so do I, not to mention my job hunting and career planning that takes up another 20 hours per week easily fancy that) and doesn't have time to do everything herself. I haven't lived with her in years but I'm still expected to help her with basic tasks that she could easily complete herself? She's only 50 so it's not like she's in poor health or too elderly to take care of her own home.
I guess that part of my annoyance stems from the fact that I NEVER ask people for favors. It feels so degrading to me to ask anyone for help, EVER. I'm a very independent person. So maybe this is just my problem.
In any case, at what point does it turn into being taken advantage of over being a nice person and helping out? At what point do you say 'no' to someone, especially family?
It can be difficult to say no when it is family, but if it seems like the "favors" become more and more frequent, and more mundane, every day things that you KNOW the person could do themselves, its no longer helping out. It's being taken advantage of.
I know because I'm in the same boat. My fiance and I live with his parents to "help out". We moved in a year ago after his dad had heart surgery - his mom has a bad back and could not do things like take trash out and cook and clean while taking care of her husband. In one year, we have gone from "helping out" by cooking dinner and taking trash out, to cleaning the entire house, cooking almost every night, taking the trash out, maintaining the yard, etc, etc, etc...
His mother, who is 50, and while yes, has a bad back, can still get around fine, is constantly asking my fiance to fetch her a cup of coffee or a donut. Needless to say, we are moving out.
In my work place all I hear is; "will you do me a favor?", 'You wanna do me a favor?', "can you do me a favor?" I am so sick of hearing that, it irritates me to no end.
In my work place all I hear is; "will you do me a favor?", 'You wanna do me a favor?', "can you do me a favor?" I am so sick of hearing that, it irritates me to no end.
That irks me, too, along with "sorry to bother you" and "can I bug you," etc. We're all there to do what we're supposed to do and nobody does anybody any favors and is there to be "bugged"!
That irks me, too, along with "sorry to bother you" and "can I bug you," etc. We're all there to do what we're supposed to do and nobody does anybody any favors and is there to be "bugged"!
Lol, 'sorry to bother' you sounds very appropriate and polite to me!! I think it's a very English way to approach someone.
You know, there are a few people in my life who constantly bug me for so-called 'favors.' Over time, I gently screen them out of my life because they are typically users of others.
But if it's a family member, a colleague, a friend, an acquaintance, or just a freaking stranger, I try to help. I just think it's really petty to resent people who ask for our help in a minor way. I mean, how does it really hurt?
Lol, 'sorry to bother' you sounds very appropriate and polite to me!! I think it's a very English way to approach someone.
It does - in the appropriate context; however, I think "being bothered" at work by your coworkers who ask you for something work-related goes without saying. That’s what you’re there for.
I have gotten to the point with family that I don't do them any favors. It was too much to expect for someone to do and I always did whatever they wanted me to do. I finally had to stop because I was taken advantage of and I had my own life. I finally said no, I couldn't do it and kept saying no until they don't ask anymore.
At first, it feels funny saying no but believe me, after awhile it gets easier and easier. It's a big weight off your shoulders when you're able to say no. Also in other aspects of your life, it becomes easier when you begin to set limits for yourself.
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I'm so tired of hearing that.
fancy that) and doesn't have time to do everything herself. I haven't lived with her in years but I'm still expected to help her with basic tasks that she could easily complete herself? She's only 50 so it's not like she's in poor health or too elderly to take care of her own home.
