Relationship doubts - seeking serious advice please

[SiliconValleyGuy]

I appreciate the candid responses.

Originally Posted by virgode

You've been with someone several months, live together, and suddenly you're seeing her flaws, it just hit you that shes a smoker and you don't like smoking or that she has medical problems or hasn't established a stable career.

When I met someone with the same rare passion (collecting antique buttons), it was easy for me to overlook other things at first.

[Galagaone]

Originally Posted by SiliconValleyGuy

I have been with my gf for several months. We are both in our 20s and living together. We get along great, have common interests, and show each other a lot of affection. Generally, I've been happy. Sure, we have disagreements sometimes like anyone, but we are always able to resolve them.

But I've been having doubts about our relationship lately. The more time I spend with her, the more apparent her flaws are. I am not a perfect person either, but I am wondering if we are a good match.

For example:

1) She has had a hard time finding a job, which is not unusual considering the economy here in California. It's clear that she is not sure what she wants to do. As a result, she is not doing much at the moment and stays home. She is considering going back for more education but is not sure what. However, she is smart and I honestly believe she will be successful one day.

I understand that she is going through a tough time and try to support her. But it still bothers me a little bit, because in contrast I am a goal oriented person who has a long term plan and a steady career.

2) She has also been living a unhealthy lifestyle. She has gained weight in the past, but this is not all her fault due to being given a poor diet and some medical problems. I am honestly worried about her because when I calculate her BMI now, it comes out as obese. I have talked about this to her in the past, but she never wants to exercise with me. We have been eating much better, but I am still worried about her health. Also if she gains more weight, I will probably be less attracted to her physically , which is sad because we have a good love life.

3) She also smokes and says she wants to quit but has not. I don't like smoking but it is her choice. Plus, it is really hard to quit smoking so I don't really blame her for it.

Making this thread online makes me feel like I am betraying her. I should be offering more support, instead of writing criticisms online.

I don't know if this is the right relationship for me anymore. Is it normal and morally sound for me to be having these doubts? I don't want to just leave and cut my losses at the first sign of difficulty, but at the same time I don't want to be dishonest.

Thank you for reading.

So basically you're living with an obese, unemployed smoker in her 20's who doesn't want to excercise...? It always amazes me how the people who can least afford to smoke, do so. I could put up with the unemplyed part if she was hot and didn't smoke. But she's got 3 strikes against her. Are you allowing her to smoke inside of your home? If so you're smoking too. Nicorette gum less expensive than cigarettes these days. There's no longer an excuse for that filthy habit.

[TabulaRasa]

If the main attraction was that you have the same hobby, and that caused you to give her a bye on unhealthy life choices and not contributing to the household income, then it seems like you based the choice to embark on a relationship on something fairly flimsy, to be honest.