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I've been with a girl for a five years. We've had our ups and downs but overall, it's been better than bad and it's all that matters.
I was seeing a lot of girls when we met. I never thought it would last more than one night because she is a single mom. But I chose her because she is confident, intelligent and she really knows how to treat a man. She knows how men think and how to treat one.
We've decided to have a child together. But since she got pregnant, she changed A LOT. She's defensive about everything. She looks down on me, even though I make twice the money I made before, that I got us a bigger and nicer place, showered her with gifts...her tone of voice when she talks to me is just so full of contempt. She cuts me mid-sentence and talks me down like she's my 1st grade teacher.
I'm very depressed about this because I see many women doing this in our surroundings and unfortunately, I can't console myself thinking it's only temporary, that it's only hormones. Most of them keep that attitude long after their child birth. Their husband/boyfriend look like beaten dogs.
Ironically, my girlfriend used to pity those very same men and frown upon from these women. That gave me even more confidence that I was with the right girl because I have very little tolerance for such behavior.
Now she just acts the same. I've tried to communicate about it. I've warned her to change her attitude, but she won't stop. She doesn't even realize how she talks to me unless I quote her word for word and use her tone. Even then, she says I'm making it up, ignoring it happened like 10 seconds ago.
Any guys (or girls) had the same problem? Any of you managed to turn this around? If so, how?
Because frankly, even though we're expecting a child together, I have little interest in staying in that relationship. I saw my parents stay together for their children even though they weren't happy...I won't do the same. Not worth it.
You decided to have a child together???? But who brought up the conversation and who said OK to it???? hMMM? In my experience 99 times out of 100 the woman is the instigator when it comes to children. The men "go along" to make the woman happy.
Buddy, you have served your purpose - just like the last baby daddy. Did it not occur to you to try to find out WHY she was a single mother? Most likely she pulled the same stunts on the last guy.
And please do not take her word for it. Ask HIM. My guess is that you will hear a completely different story that what you hear from her.
Better get your wallet out buddy, it's going to be a long 18 years.
Sadly, I haven't heard much concern about the baby from you. You're more concerned with yourself and how she's slighting you. Have you considered how leaving will affect YOUR CHILD? You may think she's done you wrong here but that baby did no wrong. You owe it to your child to give him/her a stable home if at all possible.
Yep. It's all "me me me me me me me me."
Yeah, yeah. She's a grouchy pregnant woman. Man up and cope. Jaysus!
Everyone is yelling at the OP now, and given his bad attitude I'm not surprised. But to be fair I don't think this situation is his fault, nor is it hers.
I think what he have here is an example of what happens when men and women think that their personal opinion (based on ego and intelligence) trumps thousands of years of biology. We keep telling ourselves that thanks to our minds being so advance compared to our ancestors, we can make better choices for ourselves. All it does is lead to resentment, as seems to be the case for the OP as well as his GF. (The OP trying to pin the gold-digger accusation on me is a fine example. Ditto the gf's claims about being anti-marriage.)
Everyone is yelling at the OP now, and given his bad attitude I'm not surprised. But to be fair I don't think this situation is his fault, nor is it hers.
I think what he have here is an example of what happens when men and women think that their personal opinion (based on ego and intelligence) trumps thousands of years of biology. We keep telling ourselves that thanks to our minds being so advance compared to our ancestors, we can make better choices for ourselves. All it does is lead to resentment, as seems to be the case for the OP as well as his GF. (The OP trying to pin the gold-digger accusation on me is a fine example. Ditto the gf's claims about being anti-marriage.)
Well, I think that's a good point. I think the common denominator in most relationship problems is that one partner (Or even both) aren't willing to sacrifice part of himself to make the relationship stronger.
Well, I think that's a good point. I think the common denominator in most relationship problems is that one partner (Or even both) aren't willing to sacrifice part of himself to make the relationship stronger.
Yeah, like GETTING MARRIED before you have children. OMG what a novel concept - amongst certain classes anyway.
I have no idea how my initial post gives out the impression that we view our relationship as temporary.
Good God man. The gal is preggers, planned yet, and you're already thinking about leaving.
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Originally Posted by JSizzle225
Done. Found the problem.
Exactly. Thank you.
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Originally Posted by cpg35223
Well, I have no idea what your girlfriend's side of the story is. However, I suspect that what she's really telling you is, "Time to grow up."
Let's start out with the obvious: You both decided to have a child together. It wasn't her decision. It was your decision, too.
And when you decide to have a child, it means that you have to leave this semi-permanent date you've been on for God knows how long, and get on with your life. Having a baby means having a plan, and that means you can't wing it anymore. It means you have a car that accommodates a baby. It means that you have to have a place to live that's baby-friendly. It means that you have to have a support system in place, a pediatrician, and a timetable for everything. Heck, even going to the movies on Friday night means lining up a sitter.
The other revealing comment in your post: "She knows how to treat a man." Guess what? It's not all about you anymore. It's about this little 8-9 pound blob of protoplasm that has to be fed, changed, and loved. I am pretty certain that the main reason she's ticked at you is that you haven't abandoned your worldview of being the center of the universe and haven't begun focusing on how you two are going to raise a child together.
It's not about the size of the place, it's not about the gifts you buy her. It's about the attitude. And the sooner you wrap your head around what she really needs from you, the better the two of you will get along. After all, one of the reasons you claim to like her is because she understands men. Why don't you return the favor and try to understand women for a change?
Excellent post.
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Originally Posted by sophialee
Wow. She hasn't even popped the bun out of the oven yet and you're thinking of bailing. You'll make an excellent father.
Wow, lots of people with bad reading comprehension here. Not even worth responding too.
I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetically absurd.
Actually, we're the ones who get it. You're the one with the comprehension issues.
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