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Ding, ding -- we have a winner. A woman may have her cake and eat it too, as Avienne put it, but she better be planning on moving to a new town, with a new circle of friends when her wild days are over, because the only man she's going to be able to entice into marriage after having sex with the better part of a zip code will be a loser, sucker or both.
In this day and age, even if she isn't sexually active, her reputation will be sullied by simply dating. I was celibate for several years while I multi-dated a stable of men. People were quick to assume that I was sleeping with them all.
In the small town where I lived, I had a "reputation" so to speak although I was probably the most chaste person within a 200 mile radius.
I feel pressure as well for sex as well. As I mentioned before, I have rejected offers for having sex with women who are dropdead gorgeous just because I simply don't feel like it. For me, sex is not the same if all the elements are not there (love, affection, attraction, etc.). And yes, I get the whole "But I thought you were a guy...are you real man?...maybe you are a homosexual...is something wrong with you?!...I thought you liked me...". So I also get the double-standard here. What's wrong with a guy rejecting a girl's moves to get some action?
I think its great that you have reached a conclusion on it all, but why even use the terms "slores" and "whores"? People are people. If you are for or against a woman being with who she wants, I don't see the justification for these terms.
I try not to judge others. In general, it doesn't matter to me how many people a guy has been with, but if I know that he was very disrespectful to these women and "used" them, then that would totally change my opinion of him.
Its one thing to do what you want sexually, its quite another to exploit someone.
I just recently ran into that situation. After I found out how he had treated other women he had dated, my interest level dropped to zero.
And therein lies the rub, no pun intended. It's all designed to make women ashamed of their sexuality as a way of controlling them and, to use Gwynedd's terminology, "protecting" their "investment."
However, it really speaks to masculine insecurity. Taken to the extreme in an argument like that, Joey is insecure about his ability to satisfy, and therefore inspire fidelity in, Susie.
Maybe Joey oughta start Googling some new techniques.
At any rate, I could not possibly care less how many women a man has been with. However, the minute he starts using words like that, I know he's a misogynist and most likely has a bright and shiny double standard that of course would benefit himself. To put it in terms a namecaller will understand, he's a judgmental pig, which means he ain't gettin' any from me.
Boy, this thread is strange. Weird how many men are unwilling to admit that they don't want a woman who jumps their bones on the first date or someone who slept with half of the town (and if the relationship does progress from something like that, it's very rare) and how many women are willing to deny that it's the truth for the sake of not sounding like prudes.
I feel pressure as well for sex as well. As I mentioned before, I have rejected offers for having sex with women who are dropdead gorgeous just because I simply don't feel like it. For me, sex is not the same if all the elements are not there (love, affection, attraction, etc.). And yes, I get the whole "But I thought you were a guy...are you real man?...maybe you are a homosexual...is something wrong with you?!...I thought you liked me...". So I also get the double-standard here. What's wrong with a guy rejecting a girl's moves to get some action?
I will cosign this. Like insulting me will make me say, "Oh ok, let me take my pants off then...I was confused."
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama
Boy, this thread is strange. Weird how many men are unwilling to admit that they don't want a woman who jumps their bone on the first date or someone who slept with half of the town (and if the relationship does progress from something like that, it's very rare) and how many women are willing to deny that it's the truth for the sake of not sounding like prudes.
What is the definition of first date? Is it still just very newly getting to know somebody? If it is that early then of course I don't want that. I think my position has been consistent enough that you can believe it.
I will cosign this. Like insulting me will make me say, "Oh ok, let me take my pants off then...I was confused."
What is the definition of first date? Is it still just very newly getting to know somebody? If it is that early then of course I don't want that. I think my position has been consistent enough that you can believe it.
I will cosign this. Like insulting me will make me say, "Oh ok, let me take my pants off then...I was confused."
Exactly JSizzle!
As if I would go "Ok ok then, bend over girl! *onihC pulls down his trousers*" That is another double-standard when it comes to sex. Men should be ready 24/7 for a woman when she wants sex, if not, the guy is seen as gay, has no feelings, hateful, not a gentleman, rude, not sensitive, etc. But a woman turning a man down is seen as someone who has her rights, who respects herself, who is not easy, etc.
If both consenting adults are going for it because they simply want to. Who are we to point fingers or call someone easy or player? I may have my views when it comes to sex but to each their own.
I think it is hard to respect a woman when she gives her away so easily. As much as I like sex, I really respect a woman who is not willing to give herself away so easily. I have dated quite a few women since I moved here to Des Moines, and the average wait has been sex on the third date which I find a bit too soon.
I met a girl last week which I am really interested in and when we were making out, she said "Can you wait five dates before we do it?", I said absolutely. Honestly, I am thinking about telling her that I would rather wait longer before doing it.
I have noticed that when sex happens to soon, I tend to lose interest and it is hard to see the woman the same way after it. I hope she does not think I am weird when I tell her than I may want to wait a bit longer than five dates
Who says they are giving something away? Why is it always the womans place to give it away?
People will always have sex. I don't look down on any woman who has sex freely. Now, if its with every guy she meets, yeah, thats a problem. But if you're being safe, and not just sleeping with everyone, why not. I've been with a number of partners in my first 30 years of life. I would expect a woman to have around the same as I have been with.
I'm confused by this thread too, because something I thought was just common knowledge and sense seems to be so controversial. If a girl is too "easy", guys are going to put her into the "good for sex only -- no relationship" category.
You can say this is outrageous and antiquated or whatever all you want, but I think it's always been this way and always will be because it's rooted in biology. Gwyn's persistence can be a little aggravating, but I think he's spot on for the most part.
The woman who wants it all just needs to make a strategic change of locale, friends or both after she feels she has sown her oats. And, as gywn has advised, she should be very careful (coy) about divulging stories of her past to her guy. Men don't expect women to be virgins these days, but if you're not entirely sure what the last names were of some of the people you've slept with ... um, that's information best kept to one's self.
Boy, this thread is strange. Weird how many men are unwilling to admit that they don't want a woman who jumps their bones on the first date or someone who slept with half of the town (and if the relationship does progress from something like that, it's very rare) and how many women are willing to deny that it's the truth for the sake of not sounding like prudes.
MM - I think you may be missing the point that many of us were trying to make. It doesn't matter if you chose to sleep with someone right away or not. Everyone has their own guidelines and standards. But the point is, if a man feels entitled to abandon all sexual boundaries, why can't a woman? I was always raised that what is "good for the goose is good for the gander", meaning what is deemed suitable and moral for one gender should be suitable and moral for another.
And I know many women who were considered "loose" back in my sorority days, and they're now happily married. Personally I don't see a correlation between how many men a woman sleeps with and whether or not she ends up in a committed relationship or not. I think it has more to do with how a person develops, and what place they're at in their lives.
Its not so much advocating a life style as it is advocating fairness. If a guy wants to go out and sleep with every woman he meets on the first date, then that's his business. But if he's going to do that and then despise the women he sleeps with and call them 5luts, then that's quite a different story. He has no right to degrade any of these women, period. But to degrade them for doing the same act he's doing, with him no less, is twisted and hypocritical.
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Ding, ding -- we have a winner. A woman may have her cake and eat it too, as Avienne put it, but she better be planning on moving to a new town, with a new circle of friends when her wild days are over, because the only man she's going to be able to entice into marriage after having sex with the better part of a zip code will be a loser, sucker or both.
But a woman turning a man down is seen as someone who has her rights, who respects herself, who is not easy, etc. 
I may have my views when it comes to sex but to each their own.