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Yes OP I analyze everyone, and try to see the bigger picture. We had one girl at work that had crazy mood swings....later I talked to her she said her mom was bi-polar. And she believes she is too. Everyone has a story and subconsciously we air it out unintentionally. I for one at work have a friendly demeanor, yet don't make her mad(she has a tempter). Yet I'm the first the staff run to if there is blood or someone is hurt. Another guy at work gets irritated all the time when someone bashes gays. I first thought maybe he is. Then he opened up to me and said that his real dad is. And that he is a real cool guy. I curved my mouth from then on.
Yes, I've had a-ha moments. There are limits to my patience though. Whatever issues a person goes through in life, they STILL need to live and work among the rest of us who all have our own issues to deal with. It's one thing to KNOW about someone else's problems, it's another thing to EXCUSE it. And I'm just not capable of being everyones therapist so I'll still get judgemental if it effects me to some degree.
That's understandable. I don't question that. However, I firmly believe in "live and let live"! I don't bother people, but I expect the same courtesy in return! Leave me alone, damn it!
I know my posts are a little bit of a departure from the OP, but my experiences of this nature are at work. It's only when they attempt to tell me how to think or feel, what to do, what to participate in, what to share (their choices, obviously ) that I'm likely to snap at them. My life is not as happy as others' and I don't care to share it. Even when it's happier, I still don't care to share it as I don't want gossip and rumors in the office. I'm there to make a living, not to socialize with people I haven't chosen!
I never could figure out what was wrong with my husband...he could never apologize, was always right, never takes responsibility for his part in anything, is self-indulgent, can be very callous and self-centered, irrationally judgmental of others, incapable of seeing his own flaws...and no matter how many conversations we had about our issues, he would never compromise with me on anything. I was taking some classes and we came to the portion about narcissistic personality disorder, and as I read the traits I was completely blown away. Now that I have "diagnosed" him it makes it so much easier to understand why he is the way he is. Especially after applying the criteria to his mother and realizing he really didn't have a chance to be anything other than a pathological narcissist.
Unfortunately narcissists are almost completely incorrigible and being married to one can be completely miserable, but knowing and reading about it has been helpful.
Umm you can have all of those signs, symptoms and general behaviours and NOT BE DIAGNOSED WITH NPD. IF a clinical doctor diagnoses him then fine, however as a locker room psych which you are likely, I highly recommend AGAINST doing that.
Everyone has different saturation points, and some can handle tragedy and adversity better than others. I've encountered people who were total asses and later found out they experienced some heavy tragedies like loss of a child or spouse. I've also encountered people who you'd never know that they've been through some tragic events in their lives. They carry themselves as happy and well adjusted as anyone can be. I am way more likely to give someone a pass for their behavior if I discover they've suffered some terrible loss or tragedy. If nothing else I will at least sympathize with them and understand what's driving their behavior. Doesn't mean I'll go out of my way to be their friend though.
I agree with Coolhand. Not everyone handles tragedy the same. Imagine losing a child, I hope I never have to experience this kind of pain. I think I am an optimistic person, and I believe that people choose to be happy. However, I just can't imagine losing a child or watching my child suffer. People that go through such a tragedy could be excused for acting rude or unfriendly. For their sake I would hope they get help to deal with their loss, but I doubt they care what others think.
I don't really care if my co-workers are sad. it's not my worry. and if people are rude or snappy, then it's not my concern either. I laugh it off and move on.
and there should be no hardships in life. there is no reason for there to be other than the "idea" that suffering is necessary. lol.
It may sound cold, but I don't really care what someone's story is as it does not give anyone license to be a ***** or *******. I can sympathize, but I won't excuse.
Actually I said in my original post that I don't try to justify or excuse the behavior, but I do understand it more.
it shouldn't bother others if they are rude or abrasive. it's confidence not to let them get to you.
It wasn't bothering me. I was just wondering, that's all.
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) that I'm likely to snap at them. My life is not as happy as others' and I don't care to share it. Even when it's happier, I still don't care to share it as I don't want gossip and rumors in the office. I'm there to make a living, not to socialize with people I haven't chosen!
