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I hadn't seen the OP's other thread until virgode mentioned it. I'm terrible about looking at peoples' posting histories, I'm afraid.
I'm going to add a few salient points here about M/s or D/s relationships and BDSM in general, from the perspective of someone who has engaged in these types of relationships for the last 21 years.
That's relevant to my first point - yes, some people do live this as a "lifestyle" (a good number of us dislike that term, just an FYI), and they do seek out these dynamics throughout their lives. I have many friends (and I'm sure Annie does, too) who have been walking this path upwards of 20, 30, 40 and even 50 years.
Just based on observation only, no actual statistical data (as no one has studied it), I'd say these relationships are no more and no less subject to issues of longevity than a vanilla relationship. People date, they break up, they stay together, they get married, they have kids, grandkids, etc. For the majority, kink is part of their lives, an aspect, not the sole focus.
Every relationship, vanilla or kink, is ruled by dynamics agreed upon by the couple. Someone washes the dishes, someone pays the bills, someone handles car repairs, someone cleans the litter box, whatever. Usually these divisions of tasks happen organically, a couple grows into them. In a D/s or M/s relationship, things like that are often spelled out at the outset. It's just a different way of achieving the same goal: harmony in the house with everyone comfortable within the "rules" of the relationship.
Incidentally - BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism. It's an umbrella term used to encompass multiple relationship and sexual dynamics. That does not mean that all people involved in one dynamic are also involved in the others. Some people are solely attracted to the interplay of dominance and submission, but if you tried to spank one - or get one to spank - they'd look at you as if you had three heads. Others are involved in the more sexual interplay, the S&M aspect, but if you told one to clean the toilet, you'd get flipped off and laughed at.
D/s stands for dominance and submission. It is not gender specific or biased. M/s generally stands for Master or Mistress/submissive or slave. To add to the confusion, "master" is not as gender specific as you might think... plenty of women refer to themselves/are referred to as "master."
S&M (Sadism & Masochism) is sometimes also referred to as topping and bottoming aka the "giver" and the "receiver".
Most of us are aware that the word "slave" is a highly emotionally charged term. Context does matter. Think of the word "killer". "He is a killer. He murdered 10 people.." vs "Wow, she has a killer smile. I would kill to date her."
Words can, and do, have different meanings. How many here are addressed as "doctor"? There is a world of difference (and training, and experience) between Doctor Dan the surgeon and Doctor Danielle the PhD. Both doctors, but which one do you want treating your broken arm and which one do you only want writing a paper about it?
Consent is a major aspect of these relationships. I can't even begin to express how obsessive people "in the scene" are about consent. Honestly, it borders on religious fervor. I think it's worth mentioning here that our laws have begun to reflect and take consent into consideration. "Consent" is now considered an affirmative defense to domestic violence laws in several states. This is usually restricted to states which have mandatory reporting/mandatory arrest laws. If I recall correctly, Illinois was the first state to implement this.
Even if you are vanilla, these laws allowing for consent as an affirmative defense protect you as well. If, for example, you and your partner are getting frisky and you end up with a concussion from hitting the head board, you are going to be very glad that the fact that you CONSENTED is going to keep your partner out of jail.
One other note: What you see on TV, what you've caught glimpses of in some "dirty movie"... please, please don't let that be your definitive education on what people involved with this are like or how they live their lives. Most of it is over-dramatized to an extreme, meant to titillate and draw in viewership, NOT meant to educate or inform.
As with any population segment, we have the good, the bad and the ugly. Most fall into the first category. If you are of a religious or spiritual bent, you probably don't want to be lumped in with Fred Phelps. If you are an attractive, charismatic heterosexual male, you probably don't want people equating you to Ted Bundy. If you are a white, southern mom, I doubt you want parallels drawn between you and Susan Smith. It is no more reasonable to lump in the majority of us with our bad apples than it would be to lump you in with yours. As with anything, the majority of the time, you only HEAR about the bad ones. Somehow the good are ignored in the face of that.
The hundreds of thousands of dollars raised towards worthy causes such as finding a cure for breast cancer, supporting domestic violence shelters and initiatives, STD and HIV education and prevention... this is largely ignored. Yet we host conventions with attendees in the hundreds or thousands, conventions which almost always have a "pet project" benefiting from them. I can't tell you how many times our organizations have been told, "we really appreciate the donation, but please understand if we don't publicize it."
And now to truly rock your world: Unless you are so utterly isolated that the last time you had contact with someone to whom you are not related was in excess of a month ago, then it is a near statistical certainty that someone in your life is kinky. Whether that be your child's teacher, the doctor you see, the officer that writes you a ticket, the clerk at the store, the librarian at the library, your pastor at church, the Grand Master of your Masonic lodge, or the movie star heart-throb you can't wait to see in theaters. I know men and women in each of these positions who are kinky, and many more. Politicians, lawyers, professors, chefs, dentists, factory workers, classic pianists, garbage men... you name it... kinky people are there, living their lives, keeping their private things private, going about their business.
You, yourself, are likely a bit kinky and don't even know it. Have a fondness for being bitten a bit? Remember those hickies so many touted in high school? A little hair tugging or wrist pinning?
It's all kink. Pain or dominance games for pleasure.
The whole "chips, dips, chains and whips" thing makes for good TV... but the reality is that our lives are as mundane as yours. We take our dynamics as in stride as you take yours. We've chosen paths that make us happy, just as you've done the same. We don't understand your path any more than you understand ours... but we respect that it's right for you... and yes, we actually do expect the same in return.
^This!
Thank you for taking the time to explain all of this far better than I ever could.
First of all I confessed everything to him after he came home from work and we got settled in for the evening.I have no ability to keep a secret from my Master if my life depended on it.Instantly he told me to sit and then him and his best friend went and talked.I figured I was done for as I had clearly violated his trust so badly.He sent our friends home and I knew that it was not going to go well for me.He surprised me though.We sat down together and we discussed this together and although I was punished last night for what I had done by going behind his back he has kindly agreed that I can indeed sleep with my best friend on the condition that both of our Masters get to watch and we can only get together when they allow it which is perfectly fine with all of us.So it worked out in the grand scheme of things but I can promise that I won't be dishonoring my Master again anytime soon.
The thought crossed my mind as well, if only based on the fact that they have a seemingly high protocol relationship (given the communication restrictions) yet she's referring to it as a sub/dom relationship.
I find that particularly unusual given the fact that she mentions some fairly decent involvement in the community at large... it's something she would have been corrected on extensively were that the case.
Then again, I'm not keen on advice like this being requested on a vanilla forum... it contributes to the skewed conceptions people then have of those involved in kink. This really belonged on a site like FL, CM, etc. Not here.
We are not to the point of a high protocol relationship just yet.That is what we are aiming for eventually but I have ALOT of training to go through before that can occur.
I'm not going to sit around and smile while two sickos role play a way of life that millions died to eradicate. This isn't the bedroom thing, which I don't understand but ok...this is just some sick twisted crap. I hope she enjoys it because nobody will want her if they learn of this sick crap.
I wouldn't want to be with anyone who doesn't enjoy it.Obviously this thread is not for you and that is ok.To each their own.I am not trying to force my kind of life choices on anyone.
By the way I would like to clear things up that I am NOT a troll of any kind.I just came here to get input from those who are on the outside looking in.Now that I have gotten it I fully intend to merely lurk around these forums as my choices are not generally the kind that people care to discuss or hear about around these parts.I have no ill intentions I assure you and I will try to keep my issues off of these forums.
Thanks, for taking the time to post for those of us unfamiliar.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wingsy
I hadn't seen the OP's other thread until virgode mentioned it. I'm terrible about looking at peoples' posting histories, I'm afraid.
I'm going to add a few salient points here about M/s or D/s relationships and BDSM in general, from the perspective of someone who has engaged in these types of relationships for the last 21 years.
That's relevant to my first point - yes, some people do live this as a "lifestyle" (a good number of us dislike that term, just an FYI), and they do seek out these dynamics throughout their lives. I have many friends (and I'm sure Annie does, too) who have been walking this path upwards of 20, 30, 40 and even 50 years.
Just based on observation only, no actual statistical data (as no one has studied it), I'd say these relationships are no more and no less subject to issues of longevity than a vanilla relationship. People date, they break up, they stay together, they get married, they have kids, grandkids, etc. For the majority, kink is part of their lives, an aspect, not the sole focus.
Every relationship, vanilla or kink, is ruled by dynamics agreed upon by the couple. Someone washes the dishes, someone pays the bills, someone handles car repairs, someone cleans the litter box, whatever. Usually these divisions of tasks happen organically, a couple grows into them. In a D/s or M/s relationship, things like that are often spelled out at the outset. It's just a different way of achieving the same goal: harmony in the house with everyone comfortable within the "rules" of the relationship.
Incidentally - BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism. It's an umbrella term used to encompass multiple relationship and sexual dynamics. That does not mean that all people involved in one dynamic are also involved in the others. Some people are solely attracted to the interplay of dominance and submission, but if you tried to spank one - or get one to spank - they'd look at you as if you had three heads. Others are involved in the more sexual interplay, the S&M aspect, but if you told one to clean the toilet, you'd get flipped off and laughed at.
D/s stands for dominance and submission. It is not gender specific or biased. M/s generally stands for Master or Mistress/submissive or slave. To add to the confusion, "master" is not as gender specific as you might think... plenty of women refer to themselves/are referred to as "master."
S&M (Sadism & Masochism) is sometimes also referred to as topping and bottoming aka the "giver" and the "receiver".
Most of us are aware that the word "slave" is a highly emotionally charged term. Context does matter. Think of the word "killer". "He is a killer. He murdered 10 people.." vs "Wow, she has a killer smile. I would kill to date her."
Words can, and do, have different meanings. How many here are addressed as "doctor"? There is a world of difference (and training, and experience) between Doctor Dan the surgeon and Doctor Danielle the PhD. Both doctors, but which one do you want treating your broken arm and which one do you only want writing a paper about it?
Consent is a major aspect of these relationships. I can't even begin to express how obsessive people "in the scene" are about consent. Honestly, it borders on religious fervor. I think it's worth mentioning here that our laws have begun to reflect and take consent into consideration. "Consent" is now considered an affirmative defense to domestic violence laws in several states. This is usually restricted to states which have mandatory reporting/mandatory arrest laws. If I recall correctly, Illinois was the first state to implement this.
Even if you are vanilla, these laws allowing for consent as an affirmative defense protect you as well. If, for example, you and your partner are getting frisky and you end up with a concussion from hitting the head board, you are going to be very glad that the fact that you CONSENTED is going to keep your partner out of jail.
One other note: What you see on TV, what you've caught glimpses of in some "dirty movie"... please, please don't let that be your definitive education on what people involved with this are like or how they live their lives. Most of it is over-dramatized to an extreme, meant to titillate and draw in viewership, NOT meant to educate or inform.
As with any population segment, we have the good, the bad and the ugly. Most fall into the first category. If you are of a religious or spiritual bent, you probably don't want to be lumped in with Fred Phelps. If you are an attractive, charismatic heterosexual male, you probably don't want people equating you to Ted Bundy. If you are a white, southern mom, I doubt you want parallels drawn between you and Susan Smith. It is no more reasonable to lump in the majority of us with our bad apples than it would be to lump you in with yours. As with anything, the majority of the time, you only HEAR about the bad ones. Somehow the good are ignored in the face of that.
The hundreds of thousands of dollars raised towards worthy causes such as finding a cure for breast cancer, supporting domestic violence shelters and initiatives, STD and HIV education and prevention... this is largely ignored. Yet we host conventions with attendees in the hundreds or thousands, conventions which almost always have a "pet project" benefiting from them. I can't tell you how many times our organizations have been told, "we really appreciate the donation, but please understand if we don't publicize it."
And now to truly rock your world: Unless you are so utterly isolated that the last time you had contact with someone to whom you are not related was in excess of a month ago, then it is a near statistical certainty that someone in your life is kinky. Whether that be your child's teacher, the doctor you see, the officer that writes you a ticket, the clerk at the store, the librarian at the library, your pastor at church, the Grand Master of your Masonic lodge, or the movie star heart-throb you can't wait to see in theaters. I know men and women in each of these positions who are kinky, and many more. Politicians, lawyers, professors, chefs, dentists, factory workers, classic pianists, garbage men... you name it... kinky people are there, living their lives, keeping their private things private, going about their business.
You, yourself, are likely a bit kinky and don't even know it. Have a fondness for being bitten a bit? Remember those hickies so many touted in high school? A little hair tugging or wrist pinning?
It's all kink. Pain or dominance games for pleasure.
The whole "chips, dips, chains and whips" thing makes for good TV... but the reality is that our lives are as mundane as yours. We take our dynamics as in stride as you take yours. We've chosen paths that make us happy, just as you've done the same. We don't understand your path any more than you understand ours... but we respect that it's right for you... and yes, we actually do expect the same in return.
My impression is the OP posted this to get herself all worked up. Not as a troll, but as part of whatever makes her happy. Maybe anticipating some kind of "punishment"? Or enjoying the reactions?
?
Even though she insists otherwise I'm not buying it either but I learned a lot from other posters.
Even though she insists otherwise I'm not buying it either but I learned a lot from other posters.
I did not come here to explain the kind of life I lead but in hindsight it would have been wise to give more details upfront.However you have stated that you dislike this kind of stuff anyway so it really would not have done me much good but I agree that the other posts are a good generalization and that I wish I had made such a post myself way earlier in the thread as it would probably have cleared up alot of misconceptions.
I told my wife she could sleep with as many other chicks as she wants as long as I get to watch at least. Preferably participate!
Sadly, outside of a little exploration in her college years, she has no interest....
Most guys would just about trade their right arm for a situation like this.
I seriously doubt you'll have any trouble convincing him....
I should hope not. Any men out there that disagree with this?
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