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/me wonders how many random friend requests and requests for photos the OP has gotten today.
Not a single one as far as I can tell.I wouldn't entertain such offers anyway.I am only here to get some opinions on my situation and hopefully come to a decision about what I am going to do.Like I said in a prior post I am a one man kind of woman and I fully intend to stay that way.
My childhood is not a topic for open discussion on a public forum and nor should it be.This is not the question here.I don't think you would appreciate it if someone came and criticized your private life and chalked it all up to a screwed up childhood.I know I certainly don't and I ask that we please return to the original topic of this thread.I mean no disrespect or harm.
Thank you.
Maria, I promise you, I am not critisizing your private life so much as trying to open your eyes to what you are doing with that precious life.
The very fact that you will not answer my question about your childhood confirms for me that you do indeed have chiildhood trauma which has led you to this skewered thinking regarding relationships.
We do not have to discuss that here, and I'm not trying to. What I am hoping to accomplish is having you give strong consideration to the fact that what you are doing is distructive to your very soul. I sincerely hope you will at least THINK about what I have said and consider some professional counseling to deal with whatever wounded you so deeply as a child.
I wish you nothing but the best and much happiness, which you really deserve, even if you don't believe that about yourself.
If I could get my man to say yes I have no problem with him participating and my girlfriends SO has no problem with it.However I made it understood that I am not to be touched by any other man aside from my SO.That is the only catch.I am just afraid that I could wreck everything if I were to admit to such feelings.
Honesty is the best policy, but honesty can also come with an unwanted price: be prepared to hear something or get entangled in a situation that you do not desire. If the truth didn't hurt, people wouldn't feel the need to lie so much.
You're in a unique relationship, but that does not mean that your SO would be into it. There is a saying that you should treat others as you would want to be treated, but in reality it should be to treat others as they want to be treated. I have given such advice in the past, but it is their lives, they can live it as they see fit. I would not take my own advice in the situation as I do not want my SO to sleep with anyone, man or woman.
But, here is my advice: you need to feel comfortable when you break this news to him. You may want to include him in this decision, and respect what he has to say about it, but in reality it is all about you. It might turn out that he is willing to share in this fantasy, but in the end it is still your desire, not his. This brings up two things: he might want to turn it into his desire, too, in which case you will need to come to some sort of compromise which does open up Pandora's Box, or he will say no, and if he says no how can you respect that/him? In the end it will cause resentment. Think about it long and hard and contemplate the circumstances and possible repercussions. Once you feel comfortable, you will find a way to break it to him.
This is one of those things that does not have a 'right' moment, only a more tactful expression of the desire.
Another thing to keep in mind is that breaking this information after two years of being in a relationship can be a real shock to the SO. Be prepared for that and don't assume that it is every man's fantasy. If this is something that he was into, particularly considering the type of relationship that you two have, it more than likely would have been breached a long time ago.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita
Sometimes curiosities are best left to the imagination.
Absolutely! However, it takes experience to realize this. The OP may have to let this fantasy play out before she realizes that it was a bad idea. Lesson learned. But, it could turn out okay. I highly doubt it, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foreverking
you and he might think this is a HOT idea, but this is now the begining of the end of your relationship. Early in my first relationship, my X got curious and so I let her get with another woman...yeah it was everything it could be, and more....
That was 21 years ago, Ive been divorced for 20 years now. It just opened up pandoras box.
Right. People will come on here talking about how it can work, but in the ten or so situations that I am directly aware of, it does open up Pandora's Box and ultimately becomes the root for the demise of the relationship.
Word of advice: if you want to experience a homosexual encounter or three-some, do it while you are single or not in a serious relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaKintobor
That is a very valid point.However I could never picture myself with another man and I am committed to making what we have continue to work.I would never go against his wishes but a tiny little voice inside me doesn't want to be left wondering what if.
Life is full of what ifs and you should never say never. If this desire is that strong, you will eventually cave in, probably by cheating on him.
As you can imagine, this whole idea is foreign, and somewhat horrifying, to most people. I assume you're not surprised by the responses you've gotten.
If you're willing to indulge a little curiosity, could you answer a couple of questions:
1. What is the pleasure or benefit you get from being a "slave" in this kind of relationship?
2. Do the constraints of being in what you term a 24/7 master slave relationship include things like his being able to order you to quit your job or school, move where he wants you to move, have sex with someone else that he directs, refuse to interact with (or even insult) people you consider your friends or family, or other things that most of us would consider fundamental aspects of our autonomy?
3. Since you brought it up, what are the types of things that he might do to punish you, and what could you do that would merit punishment?
I have had a lesbian attraction to one of my girlfriends for years and I confessed to her about it and she feels the same way.She is also in a sub/dom relationship and she talked with her partner about it and he says he would be fine if we were to act on our feelings ...
I think the best person to give you advice would be your friend. She is in the same type of relationship as you are, and she already spoke to her partner. Ask her how she broached the subject with him.
I am so sorry for whatever childhood trauma (sexual abuse by an uncle? absent father?) led you to think that this kind of life is normal - but please, get some help. You are very young and have a lot to learn. Quit volunteering to be taken advantage of and get some self respect.
Loves, you know I adore you, but that's your religion and your own personal beliefs talking.
The D/s lifestyle is not for everyone, true. I couldn't do it, myself. But I know enough about it to promise you that it's a lot more common than you might think, and it's not necessarily related to any kind of trauma--childhood, sexual, or otherwise.
It's a complex relationship that requires a lot of forethought, a lot of soul-searching, and a lot of finesse, which means both participants have to be fully aware and rational about making the decision to partake. There are boundaries that are carefully laid out in the beginning, and from that all things flow. The trouble starts when boundaries are not respected, but if it is done the way it's "supposed" to be done, neither partner comes out of it the worse for wear.
As you can imagine, this whole idea is foreign, and somewhat horrifying, to most people. I assume you're not surprised by the responses you've gotten.
If you're willing to indulge a little curiosity, could you answer a couple of questions:
1. What is the pleasure or benefit you get from being a "slave" in this kind of relationship?
2. Do the constraints of being in what you term a 24/7 master slave relationship include things like his being able to order you to quit your job or school, move where he wants you to move, have sex with someone else that he directs, refuse to interact with (or even insult) people you consider your friends or family, or other things that most of us would consider fundamental aspects of our autonomy?
3. Since you brought it up, what are the types of things that he might do to punish you, and what could you do that would merit punishment?
Thanks.
If you want answers to those questions, you should go to a D/s forum. Posting them here smacks of prurient interest, and at the very least, will titillate those with such interest. It's going to bring out the judgmental and the juvenile among the masses.
As you can imagine, this whole idea is foreign, and somewhat horrifying, to most people. I assume you're not surprised by the responses you've gotten.
If you're willing to indulge a little curiosity, could you answer a couple of questions:
1. What is the pleasure or benefit you get from being a "slave" in this kind of relationship?
2. Do the constraints of being in what you term a 24/7 master slave relationship include things like his being able to order you to quit your job or school, move where he wants you to move, have sex with someone else that he directs, refuse to interact with (or even insult) people you consider your friends or family, or other things that most of us would consider fundamental aspects of our autonomy?
3. Since you brought it up, what are the types of things that he might do to punish you, and what could you do that would merit punishment?
Thanks.
1.I could write books on the various pleasures and benefits in being in this type of relationship.I think you may need to rephase this to me to get a specific answer.
2.No.We sat down and discussed all kind of limits and he lets me go to school and does not force me into any kind of unwanted relationship what so ever.He treats me with the utmost respect and I see my family on holidays and keep in touch with them through calls and letters.They are unaware of my lifestyle.As for where I live yes he does control that because I live with him and I moved to be with him.There is a fine line between dominant and abusive.If I ever felt uncomfortable I can tell him and he will fix it.It was part of what we agreed upon when we started this relationship.
3.Various things that I will not discuss because that is private information.Sorry but that is too personal a question.Nothing that would injure me or cause psychological damage.We use safe words and signals.
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