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Everything you have said is spot on.
I have been in a couple of relationships that after a few months, the guy would start spouting about how they wanted a "submissive" woman.
I would be thinking "why are you even dating me then, since I am sooo not that woman?"
Suffice it to say, they didnt last long after that.
these kinda guys need to go to places where the lifestyle is out and in the open. it is hard to navigate a relationship where you get what you need.
lol, I think I would have an easier time justifying the Op's relationship if she were the master.
these kinda guys need to go to places where the lifestyle is out and in the open. it is hard to navigate a relationship where you get what you need.
lol, I think I would have an easier time justifying the Op's relationship if she were the master.
I could agree with that. The fact that a man is beating on a woman is just not sitting well in my stomach. He should let himself get beat up for a while.
Wow...I hope I never have to think of this stuff again...I'm going to have beer and pizza....
I could agree with that. The fact that a man is beating on a woman is just not sitting well in my stomach. He should let himself get beat up for a while.
Wow...I hope I never have to think of this stuff again...I'm going to have beer and pizza....
this lifestyle is not like a traditional "beating" like you get in domestic violence. it is very difficult for anyone who is not into even the lightest, bit of BDSM to understand how in a loving relationship one or both parties would want to experience pain of any kind. seems quite counter productive.
many men are slaves or subs as well. an equal opportunity lifestyle. enjoy your beer and pizza
What is real is the relationship - the dynamics between the parties involved. It isn't role-playing for one person to be dominant, to make the house rules and to enforce them. Some people rule with a velvet glove or a raised eye-brow. My relationship is definitely not an act. How we interact with each other is based on our personalities and thus it transcends this lifestyle. It is seldom recognized as a D/s relationship by those not in this lifestyle. If you saw us out having dinner or entertaining guests as we so frequently do, whether family or friends, you would not be able to determine even whether we have a D/s relationship. Only someone experienced in the lifestyle sees the subtleties in our relationship. Granted, we have been together a very long time and we don't do the role-play or protocol. We know our place and jobs and they are done.
We both sit on the furniture, neither of us walks around with a collar and leash (although that would barely get a second glance in many neighborhoods here in NY), there's seldom an argument although there have been disagreements, there's a lot of handholding and eye-contact. So where's the D/s? It is in the relationship. WE know who is in charge and who makes the major decisions. It is no one else's business who has final say when those disagreements occur.
Do you know some people who just don't want the responsibilities of day to day living? Who want - NEED - or perhaps CRAVE - someone else to be in charge? i know some people like that - and for them an M/s relationship is exactly what they want and need. It isn't play in any way. It is nothing different than a relationship modeled after the Cleavers. What's wrong with a June/Ward Cleaver relationship? Especially if both parties want that.
I also know some people who absolutely prefer the responsibilities - the decision-making, and being called to account/taking the praise for the results.
And there are some people whose work situations put them in very high-responsibility, low perk situations and when they get home, they just want to do what they are told without thinking.
Someone has to captain the ship - and if there's nothing but captains, you're going to run aground! And that's what often happens in relationships where the parties haven't decided the roles UP FRONT - as it usually is all hashed out within a D/s relationship.
And there are variations and degrees - there's M/s, D/s, and O/p. Each style of relationship has its own subtleties and within each style are varieties, as I said before based mainly on the individuals involved.
As for the safe word -- There is no safeword in my relationship. There is no "scening" in my relationship so there is absolutely NO REASON on this planet to have a safe word for a relationship. A safeword is used for the play. Again, this is a safety issue and absolutely based on consent but it has nothing to do with how the parties interact, it has to do with play. The ropes are too tight, the paddling is too hard, I'm feeling sick, my fingers are tingling, too much wax (keeps in body heat and people pay hundreds of dollars for at a spa).
Thank you mods for leaving this thread open. While being clear, I (and others) have tried to maintain PG-13 quality while discussing how these "scary and sick and perverted" relationships can work.
What is O/p?
What is it then about your relationship that isn't vanilla? (Thanks for teaching me a new use of the word, btw.) I'm not asking for details about your sex life, but nothing in your post sounds all that unusual.
I think most people on here agree that what goes on in the bedroom is nobody's business. But it's the alleged 24/7 nature of the OP's relationship that makes people uneasy. It's not even the fact that she is a "kept" woman, or that she does all the cooking. That is standard in many cultures and many relationships. It's the slave/master terminology and the idea of a woman eating every meal at the feet of her lover that creeps people out.
^ I think one of the things that bothers me the most is the OP's statement that she started wishing for this lifestyle when she was quite young, thats just not normal, imho.
Also the fact that her "Master" is so much older than she, just smacks of a predator of some sort.
What is it then about your relationship that isn't vanilla? (Thanks for teaching me a new use of the word, btw.) I'm not asking for details about your sex life, but nothing in your post sounds unusual.
I think most people on here agree that what goes on in the bedroom is nobody's business. But it's the alleged 24/7 nature of the OP's relationship that makes people uneasy. It's not even the fact that she is a "kept" woman, or that she does all the cooking. That is standard in many cultures and many relationships. It's the slave/master terminology and the idea of a woman eating every meal at the feet of her lover that creeps people out.
it is also about for us older women not wanting a young woman taken advantage of. or to fall into a lifestyle that she experiences things uncomfortable in exchange for love and affection. I would suspect there are many men out there who would make the OP feel loved, have fun, be the man she wants them to be, without some of the aspects that make people uncomfortable.
being young, not really wanting to leave the house, works on her computer, being involved in an intense sexually charged relationship that entails great mental mind play. mind play like that is hard enough to play when you are in your 30's or 40's. that would be a concern I would express to my friend in a similar relationship.
how much money is she really making and can she, would she really leave? being without many girl friends except maybe one in a similar relationship, tells me she really has no one to talk to that doesn't have a personal bias.
so lots to be concerned about.
on the other hand I wonder why the OP would not sleep with another man. seems a bit of a double standard to imagine it is ok for her master to do as he wants, she can do her chick friend but won't enjoy some other man. if she is doing it because she thinks her master and her have a special relationship that he shares with just you and it is more special than the rest. she is fooling herself. your relationship w.him is just different because it is you experiencing it. you and the love you offer him are not unique in that. there should be no reason why you shouldn't be able to enjoy another man.
^ I think one of the things that bothers me the most is the OP's statement that she started wishing for this lifestyle when she was quite young, thats just not normal, imho.
Also the fact that her "Master" is so much older than she, just smacks of a predator of some sort.
Yeah. It reminds me of the bad guy in the movie with Julia Roberts where she fakes her own drowning and starts a new life. Even though the OP claims to want such a relationship, her SO sounds like a brute for wanting one.
I'm all for freedom of religion; I'm against cults.
I'm all for what consenting adults do; you shouldn't be able to consent to toruture.
Have you read ANYthing I've posted? We are not talking about scening or the play, we are talking about a RELATIONSHIP - the manner in which 2 people interact. You really need to separate the relationship (Ward and June Cleaver) from the fun stuff. Not everyone does that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by think first
Are you allowed to watch any TV programs other than "I dream of Jeannie"?
This has no bearing on the discussion except perhaps as a means to try to push the OP's buttons - which she seems to have pretty much under control. I'm snarky but this is downright obnoxious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui
exactally. to our OP some would consider the life style cult like. just like the women who have plural marriages. be they religious or not.
I don't see BDSM as torture for the people who are in it. however I don't think I would want to have to work up a tolerance to a pain level for sex and love.
I do know that some of the allure of the BDSM is the trust that is built up between partners that is the high as well as the physical stuff
You DON'T have to work up a tolerance or a pain level - you can hate pain and still have a D/s relationship. One is separate from the other. YOU and your partner could practice S&M without having a D/s relationship. That would be your play style and I would hope you would not jump into it without observing, reading, and having someone teach you but you are welcome to jump into throwing a whip - just please watch your partner's eyes - and your own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smel
If you have physical pain in a relationship, I don't see how it can possibly be ok. I am lucky because no one I know is in this type of relationship. I live in a fairly conservative area of the country, and this thread makes me glad I do. It is not up to me to judge you, and I am not. I just hope you are truly ok, because you are very young.
ROFL You most definitely have a group of us where you live and you might even know someone with a relationship like I have - you could even have invited them to your home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225
Agree. BDSM (I am guessing that is the whip stuff) is whatever. Do what you want...just don't come at me with it or you'll lose an arm. Emulating slavery is obscene. This is very similar to parading around a park, with a swastika tattoo and then claiming freedom of expression. Claim that if you want...doesn't make you any less disgusting.
Now I am positive you didn't read a single word I have posted. BDSM is not "the whip stuff". A D/s relationship is not a pain-based relationship nor does it involve parading one's relationship around. And I am absolutely certain you know someone in this kind of relationship but you are in the dark about it.
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