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I'm not falling for that. I just find the sense of self-entitlement extremely disturbing.
Just because men (who have never married and never had kids), do not step up and help her, they are labelled selfish and materialistic and are not real men?
No man owes anyone a living, single moms or not. A man is not ethically, morally or legally obliged to "help" a single mom out.
Well the entitlement mentality exists all through out society now, with people expecting some other entity to clean up their messes and take responsibility for it. Or to support them in a style they have become accustom to.
To me the responsibility for the child is that of the father and the mother of the child. Whoever that may be. If I came into the picture, that wouldn't change either. I might end up being a stepdad but I'm not taking 100% ownership of the kid that isn't mine. That child would benefit from me being a fatherly like figure, a stable home and probably receive some financial benefit, but I wouldn't release the other father from his obligation.
I don't know where women are getting this thinking from, but they are the fast lane to nowhere.
Single mothers often use phrases like my kids come first.
Well that's another societal problem.
Kids are being treated like spoiled prince and princesses. I know a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old that stay up to 3 AM watching movies and do whatever they want. They tell the parents when they want to eat, when they want to go to bed and they also get whatever they want from the sycophantic mummy and daddy. They also run wild like banshees breaking everything in sight and mummy and daddy say no they throw a horrific tantrum. No discipline at all.
You and your partner comes first, children are meant to be seen and not heard. They are not royalty, they are not first in line in the household, they are not worshiped and fawned over. They need to learn what work is, responsibility, decision making, manners, appropriate behavior, frugality and sensibility.
Single mothers often use phrases like my kids come first. I've read and heard that enough to know single mothers are only good for a booty call, and often not even that. I don't take them seriously.
Reps for that. Plus they've always got some baby daddy drama going on..
Now that I have read the thread, I can say that all the women (and occasional man) who claim that being a single mom isn't a liability is delusional. Of course it's a strike against you, unless you lie about your true situation. These are the same people who will claimthat being fat isn't a liability, and that everyone who rejects you for it is isn't a "good" man. Please! It's a jungle, people like what they like, and most men would prefer a woman without kids because it's easier that way. Everyone prefers a no-baggage situation, that's jet he way it is. Accept it and know you must bring more to the table to make up for his handicap. I have my own dating handicaps to deal with. That's life!
Hi OngletNYC,
That read like my native language! Some of the others read like stuttered Mandarin in my head. I could only decipher a few words from the others like marshmallow filling and perpetual motion machines churning chocolate.
Single mothers are not doomed but their value seriously dropped. If I had to make a list of things that would make me not want to get into a serious relationship with a single mom or even re-consider it:
1- I'm Disgusted at the idea of having to use my hard earned resources on a children that isn't even mine. (this is my personal thought on it)
for the rest if I change my mind about point 1.
2- How healthy she is
3- how old she is.
4- her level of education
5- her personality
6- her career
++Date I would not mind but I will not be willing to take it to the next level++
And no. 1 would be no 1 on their list. That is the first thing they try to get s###ers to do, albeit subtlly..
I recently broke up with my boyfriend with whom I had a child with.
My mother was lecturing me today and she basically said that I am tarnished and no good men would want me so I should never date again.
But mostly I fear having men around my daughter which is the reason i am going let her father have custody of her.
Now i feel im going to be alone for the rest of my life.
What do you guys think about single mothers and dating.
I'm not a guy but want to enlighten you on something-
if you sell out, you'll regret it. However, if this is the way you feel then it would be best to let the other parent raise the child.
When a child is born BOTH mother and father must make a decision..... raise the child or not. Step up to the plate or bail. Make the commitment or not.
No matter the choice- stick with it! Through thick and thin.
Who in the world in their right mind would want to raise a kid that isn't theres! I surely wouldn't...and I'm a single mother. I'm not gonna raise another woman's children- that's HER job...not mine. I have my own life to focus on.
That said, surely there are good men and women willing to take on someone else's child. But NO ONE would love the child like YOU. So you are basically hoping someone else will do YOUR job...right?
So if you don't have the child around and then you don't have someone....I'd be taking a look at yourself..... would you want someone who gave away their child?
If you do- then you must ACCEPT that behavior from them....when the going gets tough then they will bail.
Sorry to be harsh...but I surely hope you get a good wake up call about LIFE before major damage is done.
Well the entitlement mentality exists all through out society now, with people expecting some other entity to clean up their messes and take responsibility for it. Or to support them in a style they have become accustom to.
To me the responsibility for the child is that of the father and the mother of the child. Whoever that may be. If I came into the picture, that wouldn't change either. I might end up being a stepdad but I'm not taking 100% ownership of the kid that isn't mine. That child would benefit from me being a fatherly like figure, a stable home and probably receive some financial benefit, but I wouldn't release the other father from his obligation.
I don't know where women are getting this thinking from, but they are the fast lane to nowhere.
Intersting, I wonder if many other men feel this way? I don't have kids so this is an academic discussion for me. I do now realize that when a man marries a single mom he is entering into an all-or-nothing deal which does mean full responsibility for the children. I can see your point though, and my mind is changing a bit.
I'm not falling for that. I just find the sense of self-entitlement extremely disturbing.
Just because men (who have never married and never had kids), do not step up and help her, they are labelled selfish and materialistic and are not real men?
No man owes anyone a living, single moms or not. A man is not ethically, morally or legally obliged to "help" a single mom out.
Consider Male A : Young, tall, work on fitness, worked hard to put himself through grad school, has a good job, makes a good living, no baggage, never married, no kids
While there is a possibility a single mom might get Male A to date her, it is unlikely as Male A has many other choices. The single mom then starts to label all men as narrow-minded and not being real men just because she is single mom.
My point is, one has to be realistic and adjust your expectations accordingly.
My profile is basically similar to Male A. I am in a relationship now but if I were single and looking, I would not date single moms. I make NO apologies for having such standards.
There are many single women out there who would not date single dads, so it works both ways. Are they not real women, selfish and materialistic??
precisely...what is the point of a man working his hide off, only to become the provider for another man's children?...why work hard at all if youve already been locked into being second place?
the problem to me is: if single mothers were good at qualifying what it means to be a good man, they wouldnt be single mothers...they clearly have poor character judgment of people...so when a single mother or a person who supports single motherhood alludes to good men being willing to step in and be used to provide for another man's offspring, they are saying this because they dont know any better. They typically have terrible judgment from the outset, so they wouldnt know what comprises a good or a bad man.
Intersting, I wonder if many other men feel this way? I don't have kids so this is an academic discussion for me. I do now realize that when a man marries a single mom he is entering into an all-or-nothing deal which does mean full responsibility for the children. I can see your point though, and my mind is changing a bit.
In general assuming all is good and positive, I don't see it my place to deny the child access to their "real" parent and would want both to have some relationship.
I also don't feel if I marry a single mother that suddenly that lets the real dad out there off the hook for child support. It's his child and he needs to contribute to the upbringing and share in that responsibility. I don't see why that dad out there gets a "free pass" and is suddenly free of his financial responsibilities.
Assuming I get married, which is a big IF, if the law in my state makes me fully responsible for the wifey's kids that are not mine and that I am now 100% obligated from here on out and the other dad is off the hook, then I wont be going anywhere near single moms for dating.
Basically all this gets into a lot of drama and issues not of my doing, which is why I am very reluctant to get involved in all that.
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Plus they've always got some baby daddy drama going on..
It's his child and he needs to contribute to the upbringing and share in that responsibility. I don't see why that dad out there gets a "free pass" and is suddenly free of his financial responsibilities.
