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He doesn't mind cuddling at night in bed but hates physical contact in public, which makes me a bit jealous when I see couples expressing their love so freely.
His way of communicating is fixing things for me, he usually doesn't say no when I ask him to do something, but sometimes I need a proper expression of affection.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasmine728
I was in a 3 year relationship with a similar man, although he did say "I love you" not in front of others but to me all the time. He hated holding hands even in private, but he was a good snuggler at home when he wanted to be. I think I would need to hear that my SO loved me at some point though, especially if he doesnt do any romantic gestures of any type. Can he communicate otherwise ? My ex's problem was communication if there was any kind of problem, he never brought anything up and if I did he wanted to shove it under the rug and never resolve it. Unfortunately all the unresolved issues caught up with us and we parted ways as pretending everything was okay all the time was tiresome. I wanted some good makeup sex hehehee As far as your situation.. you have to decide what you can live with... it won't change and may even get worse.
That's pretty harsh there boodha. You don't know the man nor do you know what he's gone through to make judgements like that. Who are you GOD?
Sweetbecky. How old is your boyfriend? Just curious? Younger men probably in their 20s don't really like to show their emotional side in public. They feel it makes them look weak. Why we have that gene in us that makes us act that way is really an act of nature. I was like that with my fiance when I was in my early 20s. When i approached my late 20s, I didn't mind as much. Men are worried about looking like pu$$y- whipped puppies in public and I guess its our higher testosterone levels that make us egocentric like that. Don't hold that too much against your boyfriend.
I do agree that you shouldn't spend too much time worrying about him and trying to control him. If you're really unsatisfied, try talking to him, maybe counseling. If he agrees to go, maybe that could be your answer that he somewhat cares and maybe its worth fighting for. If he doesn't go or at least try to understand how you're feeling to make some adjustments, then maybe he's not the one for you. You also need to make sure he realizes how important it is for him to tell you he loves you. I'm sorry, but 4 years is long enough time for him to be able to break that barrier.
Relationships only go as far as what you're willing to put up with. If you're already getting annoyed with his behavior, it won't get any easier down the road. You'll just be delaying the inevitable break-up.
I have a friend who has a guy who isn't emotionally expressive however he has defiantly told her he loves her hec they just got married and he cried during the ceremony although he was trying very hard to hold back the tears. So most men who aren't emotionally expressive do indeed show emotion toward the ones they love at some point in time. So the fact that you guys have been dating for 4 yrs and he hasn't even said he loves you could very well mean he doesn't. You should express your concern to him so you can get a clear understanding of what direction your relationship is headed because after 4 yrs and no I love you could mean the relationship isn't progressing emotionally because he doesn't want it too and in that case you would need to move on because it'll be clear you want different things.
Last edited by Shysister; 07-17-2010 at 02:07 AM..
You want to see him cry? Have you tried kicking him in the n**s yet?
Okay, I'm kidding. Some men are just naturally closed off to their emotions. He is who he is and he's probably not going to change no matter what you tell him. But talking to him couldn't hurt, right? He was probably raised to not show how he feels. If you know he loves you, let it go. Choose your battles. As long as he is making you happy and making you laugh, you know he means well.
Personally, I wouldn't date a guy long term who was closed off to his emotions. In fact, my ex-boyfriend would often indulge in public displays of weeping and kneeling before me and telling me how important our relationship was and how I had to do something for him (the catch). But every man is different, and so is every woman. Maybe you just long to hear him say it once, and you will be satisfied. How about you start by telling him that you love him and ask him to do the same just once, to show you how much he really means it? Don't pester him about it, but if you are patient, maybe he will do it one time, just for you. If he won't, don't be disappointed. Some men just rather prove it with actions rather than words.
He doesn't mind cuddling at night in bed but hates physical contact in public, which makes me a bit jealous when I see couples expressing their love so freely.
His way of communicating is fixing things for me, he usually doesn't say no when I ask him to do something, but sometimes I need a proper expression of affection.
I wouldn't read much into his lack of PDA or crying. After my Grandmother died, I asked my Mom if my Dad cried. She said no and that she had never seen him cry. They've been married 49 years.
He doesn't remember her birthday, their anniversary and only bought her Christmas presents if we offered to do the shopping.
But, he always worked 6 days a week to provide for our family. Was happy to have Mom stay at home and raise us....loaned money to my Mom's family without question and could fix anything.
He doesn't talk much, but once counseled my sister, who was going through an unhappy period with her husband, that if she only focused on his warts, she'd never see his good points.
Sweetbecky. How old is your boyfriend? Just curious? he realizes how important it is for him to tell you he loves you. I'm sorry, but 4 years is long enough time for him to be able to break that barrier.
He's 36 and yes, I think that by now he should be comfortable enough to say it. I don't want a melodramatic scene or a public declaration of love but when we are in private, cuddling, watching a film together, couldn't he whisper that? I'd love it once in a while.
Seriously, my father is exactly like that, he's that kind of guy who is always ranting about something and doesn't know how to deal with emotional situations but in the end he's a big softy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joliefille
I wouldn't read much into his lack of PDA or crying. After my Grandmother died, I asked my Mom if my Dad cried. She said no and that she had never seen him cry. They've been married 49 years.
He doesn't remember her birthday, their anniversary and only bought her Christmas presents if we offered to do the shopping.
But, he always worked 6 days a week to provide for our family. Was happy to have Mom stay at home and raise us....loaned money to my Mom's family without question and could fix anything.
He doesn't talk much, but once counseled my sister, who was going through an unhappy period with her husband, that if she only focused on his warts, she'd never see his good points.
Bears repeating
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hehehee As far as your situation.. you have to decide what you can live with... it won't change and may even get worse.
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