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My husband was never all that emotional, he and his parents all warned me about that while we were dating, and I accepted it. The kids grew up with it and they also accepted it. Then he got extremely emotional, and very needy, around the age of 50. It was really weird.
Not all that weird, Ceece. At about that age for males is the point biological changes are taking place. Testosterone drops considerably making men moody and depressed. Physical strength generally has decreased and medical problems start to become more evident. Its enough to make an old guy cry.
My boyfriend is a really nice guy (if he wasn't why would I be dating him right?) but he's really unemotional. Perhaps I'm being a bit oversensitive here but he never really does anything romantic or cares much about special dates.
We've been together for 4 years now and not once have I seen him cry, even though he has gone some emotional situations, like the death of his mother and having to put his favourite dog to sleep. He always keeps his tough macho attitude and that kind of annoys me. I don't mind if he wants to keep the stoic look in public but he never allows himself to show his softer side in private.
He makes fun of romantic scenes in films and says I'm a bit of a drama queen because sometimes I cry. People don't always have to suck it up and if I'm not comfortable enough to cry around him, who would I be?
As you may imagine, he's not really an affectionate guy as well and I never even got an 'I love you' from him.
I would just like him to be a bit more sensitive and caring, and to allow himself to take his 'mask' off when he's in private with me.
You would be surprised at the number of children who don't get hugs.
Parents are so busy and divorced and such the kids get no attention.
So, you see the after affect of the non-loving family.
I don't know his upbringing but he seems to deal with things quite differently then you do. My guess is he toughened up for some reason to bury the hurt. He may never open up to you. You should have had that priviledge by now if he was going to. *4 years*
I'm married to a man who sounds a lot like your boyfriend. Take my word for it - it's a lonely existance to be paired with someone like this long-term. Think long and hard about where this could lead and how things will look down the road. Will this man be a good father for future children or will he be cold, distant, and critical? (or just mechanical and robot like) When you are sick in bed with the flu, does he bring you soup or offer to run to the store? (in my case, I think that should have been my red alert warning: I had the worst flu of my life and he could barely be persuaded to cook me a single grilled cheese. His rationale was something about what can he do? Assumed I was ok. *Not good enough* I should have listened to my gut.
Does he buy you birthday gifts? At least a card or a simple "Happy Birthday"? Does he seem interested in you as a person? Your feelings and goals? Did you tell him you loved him and was that met with silence or what???
While most women don't want a man who is more emotional than we are (!), being with a stone wall gets old after awhile.
You people that complain about a nonemotional person--how do you know he isn't demonstrating his love through his actions? He may not say "I love you" or give you hugs and kisses--but maybe going to work every day, making sure you have things you want, putting a roof over your head and food in your belly is his way of showing his love.
Of course, the idea that you can do that yourself really cheapens the value of him doing that, but that's not his fault.
Last edited by TKramar; 08-24-2010 at 04:08 PM..
Reason: ISN'T not IS...my typo.
When I said cope I meant in terms of dealing with it of course. I don't plan to change him, you don't change a person after a certain age. But if he asked me to do a small sacrifice to change a certain aspect of my personality, I'd be willing to make an effort.
So if he asked you to "bag it" and "suck it up" and quit "crying so much" ....you would do that? Seriously?
I'm a non-emotional woman. I hate PDA and I hate to "cuddle". Movies? I only cry if the dog dies. I'm pretty rational and practical. I like myself this way. I'd be pretty offended if my SO asked me to change what I consider a major component of my personality.
You've already said that this guy would hang to moon for you. He shows you that he loves your with his actions rather than his words.
My SO is an engineer as well. They tend to ~do~ rather than to ~talk~. They like hard data.
Frankly, I'd much much much rather be with a non-emotional man who showed his love by his actions and his loyalty to me, rather than some smooth-talking Lothario who's out "romancing" half of the town.
The other bonus with emotionally "even" people is that the reserve they show in "love" is usually equally matched by the reserve they show in anger. It can be a wonderful. mature, drama-free relationship if you allow youself to relish it.
Good luck and best wishes.
p.s. I don't say "I love you" except to my (grown) daughter. Just my thing. My partner and I have been together 7+ years now and we are ok with that. The phrase between romantic partners just seems too contrived and cheap and Hollywoodish to me.
Its not just guys folks! In my relationship (My guy and I have been together 10 years, with 2 kids) I am the unemotional one. That is not to say I am not affectionate with my mate, I hug and kiss and snuggle (usually not in public though), I say I love you....but I'm very in control of my emotions, I don't cry in front of others, I don't get angry and scream and yell. I weigh out the validity of the particular emotion and consider whether the consequences of an outburst over something silly is really worth it. For example, if the garbage isn't taken out - is it more energy to get angry and have a confrontation about it or just take it out myself? He does complain that I am unemotional and he at times interprets it as me being unhappy...but I'm focused on goals and tasks and taking care of business, and I see no added value in being overly emotional - it fogs my mind and on the rare occasions that I give into the biological emotional response it often has undesired consequences.
My boyfriend is a really nice guy (if he wasn't why would I be dating him right?) but he's really unemotional. Perhaps I'm being a bit oversensitive here but he never really does anything romantic or cares much about special dates.
We've been together for 4 years now and not once have I seen him cry, even though he has gone some emotional situations, like the death of his mother and having to put his favourite dog to sleep. He always keeps his tough macho attitude and that kind of annoys me. I don't mind if he wants to keep the stoic look in public but he never allows himself to show his softer side in private.
He makes fun of romantic scenes in films and says I'm a bit of a drama queen because sometimes I cry. People don't always have to suck it up and if I'm not comfortable enough to cry around him, who would I be?
As you may imagine, he's not really an affectionate guy as well and I never even got an 'I love you' from him.
I would just like him to be a bit more sensitive and caring, and to allow himself to take his 'mask' off when he's in private with me.
I like this guy, he sounds like a real man! There aren't many of those left now days. Ideally, I'd like to be as unemotional as possible, but even I can't get to the heights he has achieved haha
I'm with him on the stupid corny scenes from films, I hate that, really bothers me and I want to fast forward immediately.
But I also lost my mom, and there are some days where it's tougher obviously, so it's hard not to have some emotion over something like that.
Maybe the last girl he opened up to destroyed him? haha, I know mine did. She was the first girl I ever said "I love you" to, which is really not something I thought I'd ever say, kind of disgusts me a bit like the scenes in aforementioned movies, but I did say it and at least at the time though hard to imagine now, I meant it. And I opened up to her and showed her cards my mom had written to me, personal stuff like that, tough for me to share with anyone, but she ended up cheating on me numerous times, and adding insult to that as well, basically have you seen the scene in the Indiana Jones movie where the dude pulls the heart out through the person's chest while still beating? Yeah, basically like that
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(if he wasn't why would I be dating him right?) but he's really unemotional. Perhaps I'm being a bit oversensitive here but he never really does anything romantic or cares much about special dates. 
.
Must be because I'm not into those "even" people...
