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Having worked for an organization that dealt with adult Aspergers people I would have to be honest and say I wouldn't date someone with the disorder unless they were an incredibly exceptional Aspie.
Things you can do to help your situation are stop analyzing people ...or I should say over-analyzing every little thing they do like you do the women you speak of. I know you do it because you are trying to understand others behavior, but what it does is get you into a trap of over-generalizing ALL women of thinking or acting in a certain way. Also stop embracing your Aspergers and claiming it all the time. I know people with other disorders and medical problems who introduce themselves and immediately identify their medical illness or mental or developmental disorder. You are YOU. You are an individual. You are not your disorder or disease. I think people that going around constantly talking about their Aspie-ness scare off possible new friends just like people that tell you they have X disease. So in other words...be an individual and not some label.
Work on correcting the social interaction problems you have and that will go a long way with making friends. Also find hobbies that involve other people so you will be interesting and not a bore. Most important for guy Aspies is to have good employment, a car, the ability to drive and to live independently which are the number one things that adult Aspie men often have problems with that turn away the girls even more so than personality.
BTW I have several medical problems and developmental disorders myself and found when I quit telling people about them and quit acting like someone that had them I made more friends. People really don't want to hear all of our problems. They don't need more negativity in their lives; they want something positive to come into their lives.
he shouldn't tell them at all, and only should do so when he feels comfortable with them. It's not a stranger's business what condition he has. I disagree about learning to drive or living independently. That depends on culture, and circumstance. I'd say the essential part of adulthood is responsibility, and at least holding down a job and paying essential bills is key. I think a person who is 18 minimum, who otherwise is not in school or university should hold down a job. There is and should not be any other excuse as not to.
Samston: Here is something better for you to use as a criteria. DSM IV. Maybe somebody posted it before but I don't want to wade through 14 pages.
Asperger's syndrome
Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:
marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction
failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest)
lack of social or emotional reciprocity
Restricted, repetitive, and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least of one of the following:
encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g. hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole body movements)
persistent preoccupation with parts of objects
The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
There is no clinically significant delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years).
There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood.
Criteria are not met for another specific pervasive developmental disorder or schizophrenia.
I met the criteria. The only iffy thing in my case was lack of verbal language until late (#4), but I've concluded that it was more of a lack of social reciprocity thing since I could read/write multiple languages without problems. No eye contact or responses to people. No friends. No empathy (#1). Repetitive mannerisms and focused interests... check (#2). Causing social dysfunction (#3; i.e. getting my ass beat and doing inappropriate stuff in school without knowing it was wrong) - check. IQ was tested at >99% ile so #5 is okay. No psych issues, so #6 is met.
after reading this, seriously, i think I may be an aspie
don't get me wrong i will be on my job 20 years next month and i have lived on my own just about as long but i fear i meet many of those criteria in the social realm
in fact i have gotten more socially withdrawn over the years tho i certainly work in a very "social" environment and stick to a group of people i have known a very long time, so i'm not a total total recluse
It's amazing how we managed to get way off topic. First, we have people assuming that I see the entire world in black-and-white when they don't know me. Then there's trolls coming in here stirring trouble. Followed by that, we have other worms coming out of the woodwork pretending they're experts on the autism spectrum or they don't need to see licensed professionals to determine whether or not they have Asperger's because they're too smart to listen to anyone else.
I'm asking whether or not most women have the magnanimity to find a relationship with a guy affected by Asperger's Syndrome to be amenable. Thanks to everyone else trying to segue the conversation, the polls have now been closed. No, I don't see the world in black-and-white, either, but I never could figure out why women love bad boys. I used to assume any female with enough brain cells to drive a car, adjust her bra, apply make-up, brush her teeth, and tie her shoes would know how disingenuous bad boys really are. In the meantime, let's get back on track and figure out what I'm really after.
Do you tell people that you have AS after they have known you for a while or do you volunteer the info. Most people can tell there is something different about you after some social interaction. But most people don't even know what AS is let alone what the symptoms are. You sound very high functioning to me even though I have not met you. You need to meet the right person and it is obvious that you just haven't. There are men and woman who fall in love with all kinds of people with disabilities and are very happy together. True love is deeper than any damage to your body or mind. It's how you treat people and how you react to the way people treat you. If someone who is interested in you leaves after you disclose the AS then that person was not "the one". You are not alone. This world is made up of all kinds of people with all kinds of "baggage". There are plenty of men and woman (all ages) out there who are not married or involved and are asking the same question you are "why can't I find a real lasting relationship?" If someone does not accept you the way you are (with or without a disability) then that is not the person for you...move on. Good luck!
I'm asking whether or not most women have the magnanimity to find a relationship with a guy affected by Asperger's Syndrome to be amenable. Thanks to everyone else trying to segue the conversation, the polls have now been closed. No, I don't see the world in black-and-white, either, but I never could figure out why women love bad boys. I used to assume any female with enough brain cells to drive a car, adjust her bra, apply make-up, brush her teeth, and tie her shoes would know how disingenuous bad boys really are. In the meantime, let's get back on track and figure out what I'm really after.
I don't know much about Asperger's, but your language comes across as hostile and confrontational. If you are anything like this in real life, a woman might not ever get close enough to you to know you better.
It's amazing how we managed to get way off topic. First, we have people assuming that I see the entire world in black-and-white when they don't know me. Then there's trolls coming in here stirring trouble. Followed by that, we have other worms coming out of the woodwork pretending they're experts on the autism spectrum or they don't need to see licensed professionals to determine whether or not they have Asperger's because they're too smart to listen to anyone else.
I'm asking whether or not most women have the magnanimity to find a relationship with a guy affected by Asperger's Syndrome to be amenable. Thanks to everyone else trying to segue the conversation, the polls have now been closed. No, I don't see the world in black-and-white, either, but I never could figure out why women love bad boys. I used to assume any female with enough brain cells to drive a car, adjust her bra, apply make-up, brush her teeth, and tie her shoes would know how disingenuous bad boys really are. In the meantime, let's get back on track and figure out what I'm really after.
I can see one symptom here. You assume that everybody thinks alike, or there is one universal mode of logic/reasoning. What is good for you is not good for all others. What is right for you is not right for all others.
I can see one symptom here. You assume that everybody thinks alike, or there is one universal mode of logic/reasoning. What is good for you is not good for all others. What is right for you is not right for all others.
Will you do us all a favor and please stop trolling? Nobody is interested in hearing your unsolicited advice. I'm trying to find the answers to my question. I'm sure if you'd read the title to the thread, you would understand.
Will you do us all a favor and please stop trolling? Nobody is interested in hearing your unsolicited advice. I'm trying to find the answers to my question. I'm sure if you'd read the title to the thread, you would understand.
As I said, i am not trolling. I frankly couldn't care less if you're hostile, it makes more than some rude comment on an internet forum to phase me lol. You wanted advice, so why complain when you receive it?
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Omg
