When an ex bf gets married...again

[brokensky]

Originally Posted by Braunwyn

First off, do me a favor and take whatever personal issues you have and shove them back up your sphincter. I have no use for them.

As far as the divorce rate declining in recent years, that's pretty much what I'm talking about. It's one thing to note this or that statistic as some intangible number a few horizons a way, it's another to take note of what's going on around us, which I haven't really done until today.

First of all, there is no need for you to be ugly. I asked you what you meant. As you can see, I am not a troll nor am I known for being a jerk on these forums. I literally could not figure out what you were talking about = referring to men you had dated who had moved on with their lives and then somehow tying it in with your parents' generation.

I honestly thought you were saying something about feeling left behind b/c your former boyfriends had moved on and gotten married.

The only other thing I could figure out was that you were tying this into the fact that one got married and then divorced quickly, so maybe you were also saying - if they had married the right person (you) then they wouldn't have gotten divorced so quickly. Then I thought - well maybe she is trying to say - she is surprised they made the decision to get married so quickly and divorced so quickly, and she wasn't used to seeing that.

I may be your parent's generation, but everyone I know (50s) has been divorced at least once, and sometimes two and three times. Now, my parents' generation (they are 80) did not have as many divorces. My parents will have been married 60 years this August.

[funymann]

Was in a store working and overheard a young lady talking about how she is going to start up her old business again.

I like to listen in as the store employee talked to her. She said she lived in a 4,500 sq ft home and is recently divorced and living in a 2 bedroom apartment.

You wonder what that was all about. Was this husband unfaithful? Said mean things to her and treated her badly. Is she crazy? She was very attractive and I wonder...

Why do people move on so fast and quickly start up new.

[cricket_factor]

Originally Posted by anifani821

I may be your parent's generation, but everyone I know (50s) has been divorced at least once, and sometimes two and three times. Now, my parents' generation (they are 80) did not have as many divorces. My parents will have been married 60 years this August.

Yep, I'm in your generation.

This coming October my parents will be married for 61 years.

Can't speak for anyone but myself on this forum, but I did relate to the ex-boyfriend getting married and how it impacted me personally.

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by cricket_factor

Thanks for caring - it's been several years now. I'm envious that you are still on good terms.

Yea, I'm grateful for it. I think I get it from my parents. They're divorced, but they're good friends. When my dad separated from his current wife, he moved to the same town as my mom and her husband. I'm sure that sounds odd to some folk lol. Not that it's always easy, but she is and always will be there for him. It's pretty cool. I've also been fortunate with my ex's. They're all great guys. When my brother passed one of the first things I did was contact the last three because they all knew him, were close to him in their own ways, and all were there for me in a heart beat. No doubt the same since my ex came to me during his divorce.

Just some of those sentences leaped out at me. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

Enough about me.

It's all good. I know forgiveness can be hard. Heck, I find it difficult to define the term, but as I understand it on good days, it's the way to go. Deposit the bad memories in the toilet and only hold on to the good stuff.

[brokensky]

Originally Posted by cricket_factor

Yep, I'm in your generation.

This coming October my parents will be married for 61 years.

Can't speak for anyone but myself on this forum, but I did relate to the ex-boyfriend getting married and how it impacted me personally.

That's why forums are so good - many voices to be heard! I honestly couldn't figure out what the OP was saying - as for me, when a relationship is over, I don't look back, notice what is going on with the other person, or care in any way. When it is over, it is over. I would feel like a stalker if I spent time trying to glean info about someone I had broken up with. But I see now that is not what either you or the OP were conveying at all.

After you wrote your posts, I understood what the OP was saying.

From my perspective, I have had friends and acquaintances over the last 30 years who have gotten married quickly after getting a divorce. I have often shaken my head, wondering why they were rushing into things.

My experience has been the opposite - I have noticed that folks are more apt to live together and take it slow than they used to be. My parents and I have talked about this several times - as my son and his fiancee are livign together. My parents used to think this was HORRIBLE - sinful (30 years ago) - wh/ is one reason I got married, lol. Truly! If I had lived with my Ex, I would have realized in several years that he was an abusive person and a drug addict. But at 25, I was just not very perceptive about those things (plus his behavior progressed).

So my parents used to feel it was awful for people to live together but now they think maybe it prevents so many divorces.

I have thought that this is perhaps why I see more folks in their 20s and 30s delaying marriage: they lived together and didn't get married. Also, I have wondered if this has to do with the decline of the divorce rate (folks never married so don't get a divorce).

Maybe all this differs depending on what part of the country you are in. It is considered pretty smart to live together here in the South - at least with folks who have assets. That way, if the marriage doesn't last, no one is paying alimony and having to split up assets, lol.

My point being . . . no, I don't see people getting divorced as much as I used to and no, I don't see people rushing to get married (or re-marry) as much as I did in the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s.

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by anifani821

First of all, there is no need for you to be ugly. I asked you what you meant. As you can see, I am not a troll nor am I known for being a jerk on these forums. I literally could not figure out what you were talking about = referring to men you had dated who had moved on with their lives and then somehow tying it in with your parents' generation.

Well, maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh. I could have jumped the gun, and if I did, I'm sorry. But, your posts didn't read right to me. If you don't understand what "It really brings all the stats we're always discussing home." then you can just ask- What do you mean by "It really brings all the stats we're always discussing home"?

That's not what you asked.

I honestly thought you were saying something about feeling left behind b/c your former boyfriends had moved on and gotten married.

Yea, and that's all about you. There was nothing noted about being left behind or any such juvenile pov. I know full well people perceive posts via their own tinted glasses, which is fine, as long as it's not directed at me. I don't appreciate people asking me why I have their particular issues when said issues have nothing to do with me. Share your story if you want, but don't impose it on others. Okay?

The only other thing I could figure out was that you were tying this into the fact that one got married and then divorced quickly, so maybe you were also saying - if they had married the right person (you) then they wouldn't have gotten divorced so quickly.

I don't even know how this kind of garbage comes to people's minds. It's way more of a shocker than hearing about a divorce.

Then I thought - well maybe she is trying to say - she is surprised they made the decision to get married so quickly and divorced so quickly, and she wasn't used to seeing that.

I may be your parent's generation, but everyone I know (50s) has been divorced at least once, and sometimes two and three times. Now, my parents' generation (they are 80) did not have as many divorces. My parents will have been married 60 years this August.

To reiterate, I know your generation is chalk full of divorces. I've experienced that through my parents. I know my generation is full of divorce as well, but it was, again, more of a distant thing in my mind. Sort of like watching the news and being aware of this and that tragedy, but when it happens to you, or someone you know, it's still unbelievable. I thought to myself this morning "Crap, three of my ex's have gotten divorced. Now, one is on his second marriage. We're not even 40 yet."

It makes me wonder what the heck is going on. They're all great people. Their ex-wives are great people. It makes me look at my marriage, marriage in general. It just makes me think.

[cricket_factor]

Originally Posted by anifani821

That's why forums are so good - many voices to be heard!

Bravo! We all have something to say, so we should all use this medium to its fullest.

I honestly couldn't figure out what the OP was saying - as for me, when a relationship is over, I don't look back, notice what is going on with the other person, or care in any way. When it is over, it is over. I would feel like a stalker if I spent time trying to glean info about someone I had broken up with. But I see now that is not what either you or the OP were conveying at all.

After you wrote your posts, I understood what the OP was saying.

I'm glad! Also, in my experience, I had people who knew my ex-boyfriends and/or ex-husbands, who told me without asking about how they were doing, who they were dating and/or marrying. I think some people just want you to know and others kind of subliminally want to hurt your feelings with information about the other person.

From my perspective, I have had friends and acquaintances over the last 30 years who have gotten married quickly after getting a divorce. I have often shaken my head, wondering why they were rushing into things.

Me too! I don't know how some people can run hot or cold with other people, instantaneously. I can't do that. It takes me awhile to recover.

My experience has been the opposite - I have noticed that folks are more apt to live together and take it slow than they used to be. My parents and I have talked about this several times - as my son and his fiancee are livign together. My parents used to think this was HORRIBLE - sinful (30 years ago) - wh/ is one reason I got married, lol. Truly! If I had lived with my Ex, I would have realized in several years that he was an abusive person and a drug addict. But at 25, I was just not very perceptive about those things (plus his behavior progressed).

So my parents used to feel it was awful for people to live together but now they think maybe it prevents so many divorces.

I think my parents are grateful at this point in their lives that I'm living with my boyfriend (I don't care for the word "partner" - makes me think I'm running a business, not having a relationship. ). I don't think I nor them could take another divorce.

I have thought that this is perhaps why I see more folks in their 20s and 30s delaying marriage: they lived together and didn't get married. Also, I have wondered if this has to do with the decline of the divorce rate (folks never married so don't get a divorce).

I agree.

Maybe all this differs depending on what part of the country you are in. It is considered pretty smart to live together here in the South - at least with folks who have assets. That way, if the marriage doesn't last, no one is paying alimony and having to split up assets, lol.

My point being . . . no, I don't see people getting divorced as much as I used to and no, I don't see people rushing to get married (or re-marry) as much as I did in the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s.

No, I don't either in this part of the country as well.