Was my bad experience typical? (with Meetup group) (dating, Christian, wife)

[stars99]

Originally Posted by WannaliveinGreenville

My one and only experience ( no more thanks ) where everyone meets at a restaurant , nobody knows anybody , alot of weird things are happening at the table and my mind has already zoned out...

That was actually another problem that I'd forgotten about--the restaurant got annoyed with us because she'd requested a table for 12, but only 4 of us (including her) showed up. Eventually restaurant made us move to a smaller table to free up space.

[JoanD'Arc]

Originally Posted by stars99

I would consider going back to that group if she was not present (either as attendee or organizer).

You could always pick out a couple of the people you have gotten to know and ask if they want to meet at some other time. I don't think you have to be bound by any loyalty to that "leader." Or Meetup, for that matter.

[taracat]

Hi,
I have found alot of meetups run by women tend to have problems. Many of the women leaders have big issues and they try to manipulate and abuse the group. I have learned to try to join meetups run by men as they are nicer on the whole. Some women ARE OK too.
Meetups are great if you live in a large city and want to make new friends or see new sites, and you have a group leader who is responsible and respectful.

[Meemur]

It really depends on the group, plus where it meets, too.

I, personally, wouldn't go to anything that met at certain bars or restaurants that tend to attract certain types of people with whom I don't normally socialize. A meetup for frugal people that meets at an inexpensive buffet (that regularly offers coupons) might be another story.

Even there, I would be ready to leave if necessary: "Oh, I forgot I have to pick up my brother at the airport! Sorry, gotta run."

[toomuch13]

Originally Posted by Curmudgeon

Hmmm! Didn't realize that these were "organized" meeting set up by people who likely do it for a living. Our meet-ups have always been somewhat planned by all of us who wanted them without outside influence. Strange!

I live in the SF Bay Area and there are quite a few meetups run by businesses. There sole use of Meetup is to get new business. It's turned into the new Learning Annex.

[Golden_Monkey]

The quality of meetup groups and events completely depends on the nature of the group, the organizer, the people that show up, and the nature of the event. Some of them suck, others are really amazingly great. I have been to some that are professional networking events, and those are predictably boring and un-fun. Then I went to a lot that were cycling, running, and hiking events, and those ended up being events where everyone showed up, said hello, ran, cycled, or hiked, then went home and didn't have any further interaction, though there was a little more with the hiking, since that's more of a social event than the other two. But with the cycling groups, I'd never even recognize the other members without their helmets on, so there was almost no interaction at all. Some of the common interest ones, like technology, were pretty boring, simply because the common ground of "people interested in technology" just isn't enough to go on. The ones that were simply, "hey let's meet at this bar/restaurant/movie theater!" were complete duds, because not only is the event and venue bad for conversation, but once again, kind of a flimsy premise. The successful groups, IMO, manage to mix different types of events so that people will meet repeatedly in different situations. So in my case, I finally found a hiking group where we went hiking, but we also went to happy hours, and did out of town trips, sometimes overnight. That meant long hours in the car with other people, which can be a real bonding experience. So I'd see the same people on hikes, get to chat with them for a few hours, and then the next week, I'd see them at a happy hour, and we'd chat again over greasy food and beers, and then we'd go on a road trip somewhere a couple of weeks later. I made some really great friends that way, and then one of my friends became my girlfriend.

[LoveWisdom]

Originally Posted by stars99

Thank you. Another question: In the future, is it considered rude to leave a meetup shortly after arriving if it sucks? The reason I was at this other terrible meetup for over 3 hours was because the the organizer (and then other attendees) were so late. Also, the organizer (when we were the only two people there) mentioned to me at the beginning that she needed a ride home at the end of the group, so I was kind of on the hook for that the whole time. In the end, though, someone else ended up giving her the ride though, because they were headed in the same direction.

My impression is that it's normal to leave the group after one time if you don't like it. I think that all are doing it. (Maybe except those who are super polite and have a hard time leaving without saying goodbye or something).

There was a group that I know of that meets only like 2 times a year. That was weird to me. A meet up that doesn't meet much?

Anyone can be a group organizer. They just have to sign up, pay for the account and start waiting for responses from people who want to join them.

[EdgeCity]

I have never tried the "singles" Meetup groups so I cannot comment on those. I have tried numerous sports/activities meetups, that are held outdoors. Ie. hiking, walking, boating, canoeing, biking. I find them much less awkward than, say, cramming around a restaurant table with a bunch of people you do not know, dealing with the bill, etc. It is much easier to leave early if you need to, and you can talk with people more comfortably.

I would recommend these types of Meetups as a way to meet singles without the awkwardness of the designated "singles" type events.

To correct some false information given above, there is no charge for a participant to use the Meetup site generally, and most of the Meetup groups do not charge. The Meetup site requires payment from a group leader that establishes a new group. SOME of the Meetup groups do charge dues, but this varies greatly depending on the group.

[AnthonyJ34]

Originally Posted by EdgeCity

I have never tried the "singles" Meetup groups so I cannot comment on those. I have tried numerous sports/activities meetups, that are held outdoors. Ie. hiking, walking, boating, canoeing, biking. I find them much less awkward than, say, cramming around a restaurant table with a bunch of people you do not know, dealing with the bill, etc. It is much easier to leave early if you need to, and you can talk with people more comfortably.

I would recommend these types of Meetups as a way to meet singles without the awkwardness of the designated "singles" type events.

To correct some false information given above, there is no charge for a participant to use the Meetup site generally, and most of the Meetup groups do not charge. The Meetup site requires payment from a group leader that establishes a new group. SOME of the Meetup groups do charge dues, but this varies greatly depending on the group.

I agree with you. I find the 'outdoorsy' meet-ups to be more enjoyable and less awkward than those more intimate, sit-around-the-table meet ups. It's not that I don't like to sit around and get to know people, but in the beginning, it often feels too forced and plastic, especially when the group consists of so many different types of people with different interests and backgrounds. The most enjoyable meet ups I have been on were those of the outdoor variety: hiking, cycling, etc.

I spend a lot of time in San Francisco on house-sitting/pet-sitting assignments, and I just went to two Meetups in the last 24 hours. Last night I went to a a showing of the original Planet of the Apes movie at a local theatre/venue called the Dark Room (in the Mission District). It was enjoyable enough, but I really didn't mesh well with most of the attendees. Most of the people in attendance were sort of unkept and grungy looking -- and I knew as soon as I arrived I was not going to really fit in. BUt I stayed and enjoyed the movie. And plus, the owner of the place has a small dog (Boston Terrier mix?) that roams around inside, so I had fun playing with the dog (and feeding it popcorn) during the movie. And there are a couple of emcees that do ongoing commentary/comedy during the movie -- and the owner? does a little song and dance routine at the start of the movie (along with his banjo playing), so it's not a bad little venue overall.

And this morning, I went to a Meetup at the Century theatre in Daly City, and of course, the few people that showed up arrived late, so everyone sat alone I presume and did not meet up at all. I simply left after the movie ended. I believe a total of only 3 or 4 people went to this meet up, so it was a small event to begin with.

But being from out of town (I live in So. Cal), I try to actively meet people here in San Francisco when I am in town. But I have had a difficult time doing that.

[Golden_Monkey]

Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34

I agree with you. I find the 'outdoorsy' meet-ups to be more enjoyable and less awkward than those more intimate, sit-around-the-table meet ups.

I did think that was key. And it doesn't even necessarily have to be an outdoorsy/athletic event. It just needs to be something that encourages moving around, mixing, and chatting. In fact, if it's too outdoorsy, it has the opposite effect, because everyone is too intent on, say, not falling off a cliff or being eaten by a mountain lion to talk a whole lot. I did find the ideal combination was outdoorsy groups that also did sit-around-the-table events. We'd get to know each other through the outdoorsy events, then see each other again at the non-outdoorsy ones.