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huh. That's interesting. I'll say right now it makes me uncomfortable. I can certainly understand an open discussion about a job opportunity. Obviously, if I found a rocking job in another state it wouldn't be a decision I could make on my own. He would certainly have to pipe in. But, I wouldn't call it him wearing the pants as far as my career goes. What house buy? We are in the home he really wanted. It was a joint thing. Based on what you said, your situation sounds more like a collaboration as well, given that he objected to, too much submissiveness.
OTOH, I can see things going a different way if I were a SAHM or something. Handling relatives, my relatives? Yea, I'll defer to my dh.
Yes, it definitely is collarobation. I guess it's just in the way I make him feel like he wears the pants, rather than him wearing it. I guess it's hard for me to explain.
Well, our relationship went through a lot of trial and error to reach a certain balance where we both feel comfortable.
My mother was always a dominant woman and wore pants in her marriage. This is how I grew up and this was my example.
When my husband and I started living together, I had a little bit of a false impression that he is a very modern easy going man that will give me power of making all decisions I want. I didn't realize that deep inside of this free-spirited man, there is an old-school traditional Italian that wants to make decisions and be in charge.
I had to make a complete turn-around in my behavior and it wasn't easy for me, a young strong and stubborn woman. I had to bring out the softness that I inherited from my dad and let it flow through me. However, I took it too far. I was becoming a little too submissive in my behavior and I started getting complaints from my at that point fiancee that he is tired of making all decisions and he wants me to take more of the initiative.
So anyway, after few years of trying to find that balance, we finally achieved it. I had to figure out when to step in or when to let it go, when to let him make a decision or when I need to take matters into my hands and be a decision maker. The same goes about running the household itself. I even remember thinking: "Do I really have to be a politician/diplomat in this relationship?"
Finally, right now it comes natural to us, we just learned more and more about each other and I think it's just about able to make him feel like a man at the end of the day. No emasculating, no strong judgements or criticism if his decision was not the right one.
One thing though that I liked and still like about him is that he is not a controlling person. That would be hard for me to deal with.
Boy, you got a mouthful from me!
In many ways, that's how it is in my relationship. My husband is Israeli, with a Mediterranean/Middle Eastern ethniticy. They tend to be hotheads and dominant men too. I grew up in the US, but have a European background.
Someone on another thread mentioned on a different topic that it's a dance. That is so true and it takes time to dance seamlessly together. We both collaborate on all major decisions, but I primarily manage the house, the finances and the children and he doesn't micro-manage me. He works @ 50 hours a week outside the home and doesn't want to bothered with many of the minutiae. He likes to know that it's been taken care of and he trusts me to do that. Yet, there's a lot of respect and cooperation. There is no such thing as "my job" in the sense that he doesn't let things pile up if something prevents me from getting it done.
So I would say we are partners who work together. Each one of us has veto power, but we don't always choose to exercise it.
In many ways, that's how it is in my relationship. My husband is Israeli, with a Mediterranean/Middle Eastern ethniticy. They tend to be hotheads and dominant men too. I grew up in the US, but have a European background.
Yeah... they ARE hotheads... but they ARE also hot!
I'd like to say it's a 50-50 in our household when it comes to making decisions about a house or car. I mean, I have to live in it or drive it too, as the case may be. I should be able to enjoy and appreciate the vehicle and/or house for the qualities it has and nix the ones that would not measure up. Big money choices, too, since many of our buying decisions rests on the total amount coming out of both our pay checks. Lucky for us, that we can come to agreements, even if we have to look at a gazillion homes before we choose.
People that say that are just trying to make things sound like they run a good ship.
However, there is going to be a moment in time when they are both at odds and someone...SOMEONE has to be the captain and make the final say.
I truly believe a car has only one steering wheel. Someone has to drive.
Why....when I first got married my wife sat in the driver's seat for 5 minutes fighting me that she was going to be the driver. I stood my ground and said, 'Please move over.' She insisted it was 'her' car. True, it was BEFORE we got married, now it's "our" car...move over.
Be a good nagavator and help the man drive. After all the woman has to spend her attention on the temperature control, the mirrors...the seat adjustment....la dee dah. lol
Well anyway I think it's a switch over thing with me and my wife. Sometimes she makes the decisions, sometimes I do, sometimes we both do. We both wear pants. The only time I've ever seen my wife in a dress is in family photos from 10-20 years ago, her father's funeral, and our wedding. LOL
The Mrs. handles the money, and I handle what she says needs done
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It was a joint thing. Based on what you said, your situation sounds more like a collaboration as well, given that he objected to, too much submissiveness. 
Yea, I'll defer to my dh.
