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Gotta agree with the above posters. CAUTION CAUTION CATION.
First, i think you did a great thing by checking out the different groups and such to make friends and such. If this man loved and respected you in my opinion, he would have been elated that you took such steps in your future here. Instead, he was angry. that should be a huge red flag in my opinion.
He definitly sounds controlling.
Ditto on the controlling issue. He could have lately been reading about Russian-American marriages and read about some bad ones and that is his reason for being upset. Just in case, I would affirm that you are looking to make women friends. Book clubs, women church groups, a dance fitness class (where is almost always all women) would be good starts. If he still protests, then I just can't see going forward with the marriage. Red flags are everywhere on this. I also agree that a visit to the US to see where he lives and visit with his friends and family is neccessary.
Finally, if you do come to the U.S. and things with this man turn bad, please know that there is a source here in the U.S. for abused women. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached via a free phone call to 800 799-7233. Their web page is www.ndvh.org
In addition to keeping enough funds aside for a return home, keep your passport or visa in your control. In fact you may want to make copies just in case your man convinces you he needs to keep the originals for safekeeping in a security box you can give him the copies or at least have a set for yourself. I have read that some women buy a forged set in their homeland that look just like their personal originals to give to the husband to keep peace but actually keep the real ones in a secret place.....
I get the feeling that this man is very possessive and controlling, and that is a BAD man to be with. This guy could be an abusive jerk and I would be careful in continuing the relationship.
The majority of men looking for wives abroad are.
OK, I saw the pictures and changed my mind about the post being possibly fake. That "honey" does not look like a good man to me, but that's just my gut feeling.
Be careful. Most of the (few) guys I've known who were interested in foreign "brides" were looking for a subservient wife. They think American women don't make good wives because they're too independent. In other words, they're looking for someone who they can easily control. I'm sure they're not all this way, but that's what I've seen.
How did you meet this guy? Sounds to me he does not want you to become americanized. I would be very cautious. Some american men want to marry foreign women to have complete control. American women are very independent. First off, americans gather, join groups, go to church, belong to organizations. Americans are social people. Americans will organize groups over anything. Hobbies, mom groups, religion. Now there might be some people that want to scam and that usually involves money. You can go to meetup.com and will find pretty much any sort of group under the sun. Again, americans are very social people. Be careful, this man sounds like a control freak. Any secure man would want his wife to feel comfortable and experience everything america has to offer.
+1, my thoughts exactly. I think your man is hoping that marrying a foreign woman will allow him to be in control of everything. It sounds like he doesn't want you to adjust too much to the American way of life, because the more you adapt to our culture, the less you will depend on him. I'd be very cautious about marrying this man.
Muffin, I looked at your pictures and you are lovely. I hate being so shallow and judgmental but but your 'honey' scares me.
I hope you understand what everyone here is telling you. Take your time and insist on living here in the US for a good period of time before marrying this man. Do keep your own passport and visa. Do have money of your own. Do have your own return plane ticket.
There are men in this country who regard women as property. They have a hard time finding an American woman interested in that type of life so they go overseas to Russia or Thailand to find a bride. Some pay for dating services to introduce them to likely women. One of the easiest ways to control a person is through isolation. Remove them from friends, family, and social contact.
What do you do for a living now? Assuming it was legally possible, could you support yourself here?
I wish you the best of luck and hope we are all wrong.
thanks everyone who worte comments in my threat.
its really very important to get advices from people around in hard situation.
i wana to tell that behaviour of my fiancee has changed in much better way. we made rule to discuss every subject which makes worry one of us. cos we have the one aim - be together and have family.
i understand that we need time to live together and get used more to each other's habits and etc. i believe we will do it too, cos big feeling of love manage our hearts and minds.
i wish you the same and let everything will be ok with all of us!
You are not wrong for wanting to be independent at all - that is very much the American way so it has nothing to do with you being Russian. I agree with the other responses that it sounds as though he is looking for a foreign bride because he thinks he can control her more easily. I'm not saying that foreign women aren't strong and independent but I know from experience that moving to an unfamiliar country can be daunting. You're completely out of your element and it takes time to get your footing. Time during which he can lay the foundations of gaining complete and permanent control over you. It sounds like he wants you to be completely dependent on him and that is very scary.
Particularly note number 9: "No Outside Interests"
Quote:
"The Loser" will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control.
This is exactly what is going on here. But also take note of number 5: "Cutting Off Your Support":
Quote:
In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family. "The Loser" feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior. "The Loser" begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don't understand the special nature of the love you share with them. In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. "The Loser" then tells you they are treating you badly again and you'd be better to keep your distance from them. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase.
Now, he may not be talking badly about your current friends and family but that's because he doesn't have to. He's cutting off any current support in Russia by taking you physically away from them. And by preventing you from forming and building new friendships in the US, he is trying to cut off your support before it even begins.
Please read the rest of the article (again, don't miss the second page) in case there are any other points he matches which you may not have mentioned. I highly suspect that if you go through with this move to be with him, he will start to show other signs mentioned in this article.
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