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I've been on an internet dating site for about a month. I figured what the heck, why not. Have been out a few times with people where the chemistry was not mutually happening. Not a problem as I decided to have no expectations about anything. Recently, I've met two people who both sound up my alley, in my age group (omg, that's a freaking miracle, but yes still younger than me but no more than 8 years backwards, lol) and, in my religion (not a necessity but a plus of sorts). I have not met either of them in person at the moment as I've been out of town. I plan to meet both of them when I return home after this weekend.
Being the total non dater, I'm really working on my anxiety of meeting men for a first date. It's getting better but now I am a bit perplexed at dating several people at the same time; I've never done it but figured it was about time I tried it. The question I have is more geared to do I let my dates know I'm dating others? I know one of the men emailed me that he had went out on a date the night before but no chemistry. I'm very secure & happy with my own personal self and knowing most likely the men I'm seeing are seeing others as well doesn't bother me. Not planning to get intimate while dating multiples as I don't believe in that for myself. I'm serious about dating to find a long term relationship.
So you are dating with specifics of finding a long term relationship?
If it were me, in this situation, I might be a little turned off if you dated multiple people...but I'd appreciate the honesty. I don't know about your values and what you are looking for and stuff...so I can't say more.
Be honest with them. Tell them that you're just testing the waters with dating and you have one other man in line. Then once you choose who you'd like to keep seeing, just tell the other one that you'd only like to be friends, but you're starting to get serious with someone else. Tell them that if things don't work out with the other guy, you'll contact him. Don't tell him to wait for you though, no matter what you do.
There is being honest and there is TMI. If you told me that you were dating multiple guys simultaneously to see which one measured up. I would tell you Good fortune. That would mean goodbye and good luck. I find the idea of that to be obnoxiously close to competing for your favor. I do not compete. Discretion is a virtue.
It is to be expected if you get a date from a online dating site that you are testing the waters. Otherwise you would not be using such a thing. It is not necessary to tell your dates of your successes and failures. Save that for your friends.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,999,259 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladywithafan
I've been on an internet dating site for about a month. I figured what the heck, why not. Have been out a few times with people where the chemistry was not mutually happening. Not a problem as I decided to have no expectations about anything. Recently, I've met two people who both sound up my alley, in my age group (omg, that's a freaking miracle, but yes still younger than me but no more than 8 years backwards, lol) and, in my religion (not a necessity but a plus of sorts). I have not met either of them in person at the moment as I've been out of town. I plan to meet both of them when I return home after this weekend.
Being the total non dater, I'm really working on my anxiety of meeting men for a first date. It's getting better but now I am a bit perplexed at dating several people at the same time; I've never done it but figured it was about time I tried it. The question I have is more geared to do I let my dates know I'm dating others? I know one of the men emailed me that he had went out on a date the night before but no chemistry. I'm very secure & happy with my own personal self and knowing most likely the men I'm seeing are seeing others as well doesn't bother me. Not planning to get intimate while dating multiples as I don't believe in that for myself. I'm serious about dating to find a long term relationship.
Thoughts?
You got that right. You're doing right, just be upfront.
There is being honest and there is TMI. If you told me that you were dating multiple guys simultaneously to see which one measured up. I would tell you Good fortune. That would mean goodbye and good luck. I find the idea of that to be obnoxiously close to competing for your favor. I do not compete. Discretion is a virtue.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,999,259 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by MattB4
There is being honest and there is TMI. If you told me that you were dating multiple guys simultaneously to see which one measured up. I would tell you Good fortune. That would mean goodbye and good luck. I find the idea of that to be obnoxiously close to competing for your favor. I do not compete. Discretion is a virtue.
It is to be expected if you get a date from a online dating site that you are testing the waters. Otherwise you would not be using such a thing. It is not necessary to tell your dates of your successes and failures. Save that for your friends.
You're right. I think eenie-meenie-minee-mo would be better.
As someone that has had a LOT of online dating experience, I would advice you to stop viewing the upcoming meetings as "dates" in the first place. Don't EVEN use the word. You are MEETING the person, for the first time. It's a meeting...and it could, and most likely will, go off the tracks. I'm not being negative, just realistic. So go meet them, with your eyes and ears wide open, and don't have any expectations at this point.
As far as the dating others thing, until you have both agreed to BE exclusive, and have removed your profiles from said sites, you should expect that each is "meeting" ( not dating - MEETING) other people. In fact, I would voice that expectation ON MY PROFILE. That way, it's public knowledge and no one can get confused. When you talk to the people on the phone, (if you haven't done this yet - then call off the meeting) then you can bring this up. I tell people that I might go out with more than one person, 2 or 3 times...maybe. But after that, I either call it off, or it's on, just with them. I'm not a serial dater, and I have no desire to date serial daters. Tell them this, upfront.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,999,259 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
As someone that has had a LOT of online dating experience, I would advice you to stop viewing the upcoming meetings as "dates" in the first place. Don't EVEN use the word. You are MEETING the person, for the first time. It's a meeting...and it could, and most likely will, go off the tracks. I'm not being negative, just realistic. So go meet them, with your eyes and ears wide open, and don't have any expectations at this point.
As far as the dating others thing, until you have both agreed to BE exclusive, and have removed your profiles from said sites, you should expect that each is seeing other people. In fact, I would voice that expectation ON MY PROFILE. That way, it's public knowledge and no one can get confused.
I really do think that, with some discretion, honesty is always the best policy. It can backfire though, as I recently found out. Is it just me or my imagination, or don't most men want to believe that they are the only one you are seeing? Even if they themselves have not reached the point of making any kind of exclusive commitment. I recently had two men turn very cold and distant on me after finding out that I am dating around. Mind you, I did not say sleeping around. It's not that kind of party. lol.
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