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How do you deal with your celphone/mobile or your significan other?
DH is in real estate and property management, and his blackberry is his not so new best friend. After years of playing second fiddle to it's music, he finally awoke to the reality that he ran his business before without it, and could now. I appreciate being restored to my rightful place as his number one.
We all need to get over our perceptions of self-importance. Very little of the calls we think we have to take are really necessary. They can wait. We don't know how much time we have with the people that we are with -- one only has to lose one to realize that truth. After experiencing a loss of a loved friend or family member, one realizes that every moment together is one to experience fully without interruption.
The older generation are much more polite, and good manners were instilled in them in childhood, thus boorish cellphone use is much more unacceptable to them.
It's not about manners, it's about what's customary. Bad manners are in many ways subjective. Like I said, if no offense is taken by either party there is no transgression. If I'm with an older person, I act accordingly.
The issue is not the cell phone use, but your perception and the perception of the person you're with.
I work in restaurants and commonly see people on dates break out their cell phones and spend a few minutes disengaged from each other texting.
That may not be something you would do, but as long as both parties are comfortable with each other's behavior it's not an issue.
If you're not comfortable with someone's behavior, whether it be cell phone use or the length of their skirts, you either address it, let it go or let them go.
Like I said, what's rude is subjective. I often see people out to dinner....because I work in a restaurant and I often see couples are groups of people who take frequent cell phone pauses (they all pause in conversation to check their texts or the internet). They are clearly not offending each other so who are they being rude to? Manners are contextual.
In reading the responses in this thread have gotten the impression that the age of the poster is a large factor. Younger posters, the 20 somethings, and some in their 30's, with a few older, are likely to be more relaxed and tolerant of calls while on a date. This of course, is because they have grown up with cellphones and have a more casual attitude about them. Those of us that are older are much more unforgiving, and many of us just will not tolerate them. There are many exceptions of course, some elderly folks walk around chattering like magpies on the damn things. The older generation are much more polite, and good manners were instilled in them in childhood, thus boorish cellphone use is much more unacceptable to them.
Young people don't like it either. Two of the four people in this article are 25.
However, I like how the 37-year-old at the end handles it:
Quote:
Michael Volpatt, a 37-year-old San Franciscan, has found his own way to deal with texting while dating, a habit he has grown to hate since the last five guys he went out with did it. One of his dates went outside to use his phone.
"So after 15 minutes I got up, told the bartender that my friend would take care of the bill and walked out," Volpatt says.
I think the language/the people in that clip prove my point.
I don't feel like someone is "dismissive of me" or that I'm unimportant if they answer a call they feel they have to or are texting. As long as its not extremely excessive. Non-rude, normal cues take cues from who they with, they read other's body language and act accordingly.
Young people don't like it either. Two of the four people in this article are 25.
You can find young people of any age with any habits or pet peeves, doesn't change the fact it's largely generational, which is why manners are contextual.
Like I said, I work in a social setting just about every day. I see with my own eyes what is common and what is not. If I walk through my restaurant at any given time 85% of tables have a phone on the table. Busboys are now adept at pouring water without hitting people's phones.
It's very common to walk by a two top or four top and all conversation has ceased for about 60 seconds as everyone's checking their phone. I noticed the more familiar people are with each other, and the smaller the party, the longer the cell phone breaks. They are clearly not offending each other, so what's the issue?
Like I said, what's rude is subjective. I often see people out to dinner....because I work in a restaurant and I often see couples are groups of people who take frequent cell phone pauses (they all pause in conversation to check their texts or the internet). They are clearly not offending each other so who are they being rude to? Manners are contextual.
Not a hip crowd, then. The in thing right now is to have everyone pile their phones into the middle of the table, facing up. First one who can't resist the urge to answer pays the tab.
Babee, you may assume people aren't offended by it because people aren't causing scenes, but I can assure you that some people are looking at their dates' cell phones and either texting/calling their friends in revenge to talk about what an ass their date is so they feel no need to be polite either, or asking a friend to call with an "emergency" so they can end the date.
Not a hip crowd, then. The in thing right now is to have everyone pile their phones into the middle of the table, facing up. First one who can't resist the urge to answer pays the tab.
Lol, I work at pretty much the hippest area in the US. A block away from Park Avenue in the middle of Manhattan. It doesn't get more "hip" than that. Not only that I go out just about every night in the heart of midtown. I can tell you for a fact that just about never happens.
People dine with their phones out. Bars are littered with phones. Bars carry multiple phone chargers to charge customer's phones. People are always dropping and/or losing their phones. You see more phones out in a restaurant/bar than practically anywhere else.
I think the language/the people in that clip prove my point.
I don't feel like someone is "dismissive of me" or that I'm unimportant if they answer a call they feel they have to or are texting. As long as its not extremely excessive. Non-rude, normal cues take cues from who they with, they read other's body language and act accordingly.
That's because you do it to other people, so you don't realize it's rude. I remember your thread about it.
We're going to have to disagree. I, and many, MANY people feel it's rude, for the reasons Miss Manners explained. My advice to you is to expect people you don't know very well to consider you rude when you do it, too.
And that's all I'm going to say to you about this. The proof is in the widespread disdain for the practice. You can deny it all you like, but it is what it is.
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