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Old 07-27-2010, 12:23 AM
 
450 posts, read 4,695,685 times
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I'm a married woman in my early 30's (no kids). I've had a really hard time attempting to make new friends in my area. My husband and I have lived here for four years and moved here not knowing a single person. So making friends has been slow (I've made one friend since moving here).

In my attempts to make new female friends, I've turned to Craig's List (because nothing else is working), and have been answering some posts in the "platonic" section. However, most of the ads say the same thing, something like how all the ad writer's friends are now married or have moved out of the area, and so they're looking for new friends. I've also heard this same type of thing from the single gals I'm friendly with.

My question is: why does being married seem to somehow disqualify people from remaining friends or making new friends? Is the assumption that if you're married you're too "crazy busy" nesting with your spouse to have any desire to keep the friends you have or make new ones?

Last edited by Bass101; 07-27-2010 at 01:12 AM..
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Old 07-27-2010, 12:27 AM
 
28,823 posts, read 31,490,805 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bass101 View Post
I'm a married woman in my early 30's. I've had a really hard time attempting to make new friends in my area. My husband and I have lived here for four years and moved here not knowing a single person. So making friends has been slow (I've made one friend since moving here).

In my attempts to make new female friends, I've turned to Craig's List (because nothing else is working), and have been answering some posts in the "platonic" section. However, most of the ads say the same thing, something like how all the ad writer's friends are now married or have moved out of the area, and so they're looking for new friends. I've also heard this same type of thing from the single gals I'm friendly with.

My question is: why does being married seem to somehow disqualify people from remaining friends or making new friends? Is the assumption that if you're married you're too "crazy busy" nesting with your spouse to have any desire to keep the friends you have or make new ones?
Well, as a single person, that's kinda how it worked out for me a lot of the time. Married people tend to have different priorities and like to do different stuff than singles. The differences are more easily overcome if there are no kids are involved. But if kids are involved, well then the differences can be pretty huge for both singles & married folks alike.
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Old 07-27-2010, 12:32 AM
 
10,452 posts, read 11,316,033 times
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No idea. Since getting married I haven't noticed any change in how many friends I make or keep.
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Old 07-27-2010, 12:59 AM
 
Location: Ft Lauderdale, FL
259 posts, read 766,698 times
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I guess I never thought about it but yeah, I just assume that married people really enjoy hanging out with other already married people and would have a lot more in common with them. I tend to try to give my married friends their space especially because I know that they are not going to be out on the scene like I would. As a single chic, I can get up and do whatever the hell I want and when I want. If I want to randomly party and wake up at 1pm the next day I can. I guess I am guilty of assuming that they are too busy or would rather with their spouses than be out gallivanting with me and my other friends.
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Old 07-27-2010, 01:03 AM
 
Location: ATL with a side of Chicago
3,622 posts, read 5,347,418 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
Well, as a single person, that's kinda how it worked out for me a lot of the time. Married people tend to have different priorities and like to do different stuff than singles. The differences are more easily overcome if there are no kids are involved. But if kids are involved, well then the differences can be pretty huge for both singles & married folks alike.
Yeah, same experience. I'm divorced with a teenaged son, and my schedule is usually pretty flexible, but most of my married friends you have to book weeks in advance with them. Or, when we do go out, they're ready to call it a night, just when I'm thinking we're just getting started. Luckily I have a few single friends I can hang out with in my area.

But when I was married, I was very open to making new friends. I was actually pretty lonely, for a while. The second half of my marriage, my ex would not want to do anything besides sit on the couch and watch tv, when we moved to our new house, so I started getting to know the neighbors, and we had regular Ladies' Nights. There was one couple my ex and I regularly hung out with; the wife became one of my best friends, and when we introduced our husbands to each other, they became best friends. Now that we're divorced, I'm still friends with the couple, but my ex-husband has dropped them, for his new "theater friends". That's a whole other story...

But, yeah, unfortunately, seems when I do get together with my married friends, most times I'm the third wheel, or party's over at 9 pm. On a Saturday. I miss them.
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Old 07-27-2010, 01:17 AM
 
450 posts, read 4,695,685 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikki9947 View Post
As a single chic, I can get up and do whatever the hell I want and when I want. If I want to randomly party and wake up at 1pm the next day I can. I guess I am guilty of assuming that they are too busy or would rather with their spouses than be out gallivanting with me and my other friends.
I think this really sums up what most people think. But for me and my husband, since we don't have kids, we can totally stay out to the wee hours or do things spontaneously. My husband and I never have any social plans with other people, unfortunately. And we're definitely not too busy! Far from it--my husband works 80 hours a week so I am always going out alone or just sitting at home alone.

One of my husband's colleagues invited us over to their place for drinks this weekend and it was the first time in the four years we've lived in our city that anyone has ever invited us over!
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Old 07-27-2010, 08:28 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,476 posts, read 16,185,761 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bass101 View Post
I'm a married woman in my early 30's (no kids). I've had a really hard time attempting to make new friends in my area. My husband and I have lived here for four years and moved here not knowing a single person. So making friends has been slow (I've made one friend since moving here).


My question is: why does being married seem to somehow disqualify people from remaining friends or making new friends? Is the assumption that if you're married you're too "crazy busy" nesting with your spouse to have any desire to keep the friends you have or make new ones?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bass101 View Post
--my husband works 80 hours a week so I am always going out alone or just sitting at home alone.

First, being married or single is irrelevant to making friends. Having kids does make it easier but as a woman who moved to a place where I knew only the man I was moving in with, making friends was not so difficult. It was a matter of putting myself out there.

Join a bowling league (example) or a reading club or start a couponing club if you're inclined. And why is it you waited for a co-worker of your husbands to invite YOU - you could have invited THEM rather than wait 4 years for an invitation.

As I said, I knew only 1 person when I moved here. He is an introvert so our social life was dependent on me. I don't work and I'm handicapped yet I did a pretty darned good job of making and keeping friends as an individual and as couple friends. It takes some effort on your part, not sitting and waiting for others to come alone.
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Old 07-27-2010, 08:54 PM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
36,871 posts, read 41,068,641 times
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I also go on Craig's List and make friends with married women all the time. I usually have to pay them to be friendly but that's another thread.
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Old 07-27-2010, 09:03 PM
 
30,720 posts, read 37,040,123 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bass101 View Post
I'm a married woman in my early 30's (no kids). I've had a really hard time attempting to make new friends in my area. My husband and I have lived here for four years and moved here not knowing a single person. So making friends has been slow (I've made one friend since moving here).

In my attempts to make new female friends, I've turned to Craig's List (because nothing else is working), and have been answering some posts in the "platonic" section. However, most of the ads say the same thing, something like how all the ad writer's friends are now married or have moved out of the area, and so they're looking for new friends. I've also heard this same type of thing from the single gals I'm friendly with.

My question is: why does being married seem to somehow disqualify people from remaining friends or making new friends? Is the assumption that if you're married you're too "crazy busy" nesting with your spouse to have any desire to keep the friends you have or make new ones?
You've made only ONE friend in FOUR years?? I think you may need to look at your own personality for a solution. Even married, I had no problems at all making, and keeping, friends. I have never assumed that marriage would prevent that.
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Old 07-27-2010, 09:23 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
10,146 posts, read 18,646,793 times
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I've met several married people at the meetup.com things b/c a lot of people just go to meet other people--not necessarily dates.

Chessiemom, sometimes it depends on other things like the atmosphere of the place you work, how outgoing you are, and what types of social activities you normally engage in. I meet a lot of my friends at church, but not everyone goes to church. The people I work with are pretty friendly but cliquish--I've made a few there, but not a lot of people that I feel I can call and say, "Let's go get a beer." On the other hand, I've gone out with several of them after work, so I guess I'm not sure whether I would label them friends, but probably not. I'm not extremely outgoing either, but not a wallflower.
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