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Old 07-28-2010, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Outside always.
1,517 posts, read 2,315,654 times
Reputation: 1587

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You should never want someone who doesn't want you. This woman will continue to hurt you, as long as you allow her to. It is time to get her out of your head, heart, and life forever. There are other women out there, and you can only improve you life by finding one. Good luck. This is one marriage that does not need to be saved.
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Old 07-28-2010, 02:35 PM
 
Location: The OC
44 posts, read 73,640 times
Reputation: 47
I appreciate everyones post. Please understand that I know that my life will be better without her in it. Every time she has left me for someone else they ended up leaving her. But in the mean time while she is gone, my life is fabulous. But I let her back, that is the problem. I just wonder now if she is so happy with the decision she has made why cant she just let me be. I gave her all of her clothes, to her suprise. And now she is trying to take the computer she bought me all though they have one. She is texting my son telling him she will always love us, and she
is hurting. If she is so damn happy with this person why cant she just let me be?
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Old 07-28-2010, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,622,012 times
Reputation: 24104
Quote:
Originally Posted by CRAZYSEXYCOOL View Post
She is texting my son telling him she will always love us, and she
is hurting. If she is so damn happy with this person why cant she just let me be?
It sounds like it is time to shut her down. Block her from calling, texting, emailing, etc..
I would not like the idea that she is texting your son...
I think that you know deep down, that its time to move on! Good luck!
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Old 07-28-2010, 02:47 PM
 
18,349 posts, read 18,963,331 times
Reputation: 15658
you have several things going on here. one is your girlfriends inability to get her life together. the other is how you view yourself and the things that happen in your life. when you love someone you love them forever, it doesn't mean that you can have a successful relationship with them it simply means you love them. you do not have to be the person to love them and wish them well. sometimes it is better to love them from afar.
why does she keep doing this? because you let her, you always take her back. she is keeping you on the back burner in case her new fun life doesn't work out. if it does work out you are history. a more important question is why would you allow your self to take such crap from her again, and again. you have moved past your former troubles but are still holding on to the relationship that holds you back most of all. respect yourself and others will respect you too. move on find a woman who will love you, treat you right and be a great partner. this one is a user and thinks only of herself
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Old 07-28-2010, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by CRAZYSEXYCOOL View Post
I know my title sounds pathetic, and this post will probaly be a little long. But here it goes. I am a female, and I have been in a relationship with another female for 13 years and legally married for 2. About 9 months ago my wife started to cheat on me. The other woman was married also at the time the affair started, and cheated on her husband with 4 other men before begining an affair with my wife. My wife even wanted her to leave her husband but she refused. During this 9 month period my wife has left me 5 times (the last time was this past Friday). When she comes back everything goes great between us until this girl starts to call again saying how lonely she is because she doesnt have anyone. Me and my wife have had a crazy 13 years together, we were involved in drugs and other not great things. I went to prison to be with her (I know stupid), but I can say that, that is where I hit bottom. And I have been clean off drugs for 6 years (I dont know if she has). When I meet my wife she had a problem with self mutilation. I helped her work through that and she finally stopped. Then once she started this affair she started doing it again. The woman she is with is also in to cutting herself, and sucking blood. Plus the tarrot cards, and she doesnt believe in God. I say this because myself and my wife used to pray all of the time together and go to bible study and all of that stopped. My wife is 31, and her girlfriend is 26. It has been 5 days since she has left. Usually when she leaves I call her and text her and beg her to come back. But this time I have not, I have wanted to. And it is hard not to. But I am trying to be strong. So now my wife is calling our friends and telling them how happy she is. And sending my roommate and soon text messages. Asking how I am doing and saying that she will always love me. Me and this other person are so different. My wife has said to me and others that the thing she does not like about this other woman as that she is weak. She is her yes man, and never tells my wife no. My friends tell me to hold strong and not to call her or text her and to let her finally face the consequences of her actions. My wife has always been plagued with people abandoning her and giving up on her, and I never have. She has often thanked me for never giving up on her. To sum it up I do not want a divorce. I want to save my marriage. I need to know how. I believe that any thing is possible even this. I believe that if you truly love someone you dont give up on them. I also know that I cant keep letting her go back in forth. That is why I am hoping that by not calling or texting her maybe she will (and maybe she will never) see what she has given up. This woman has told my wife that she is infatuated with her. I am willing to forgive and forget (I know stupid me). But I just need some advise, on how to move on and get over the hurt. I know there is a way to win her back. I think she tries to stay in contact with me because she fears the unknow with this other person, and in her heart she knows that I would stay with her forever, and she is unsure of this other person. I am sure many will say give up, but I have never given up on anything that I truly believe in, and I truly believe in our love. Any advice you can give would be appreciated. I am sure that I am leaving a lot out. But hopefully I have said enough.
Do not get so caught up in wanting to "win" that you leave all common sense behind you. You are letting some competitive, jealous feeling lead you down the wrong path.

She CLEARLY has issues. You CLEARLY have issues.

My best advice is to go off on your own to address your issues, which will allow you to find out there really is a better way to live.

A relationship such as you have described is doomed unless BOTH of you get individual counseling and mentoring. Doesn't sound at all like she's interested in that. But don't let that stop you from doing it for yourself.

You must try to accept that she does not love you - love would NEVER look like this.

Best of luck in moving forward (hopefully you see it has to be without her).
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Old 07-28-2010, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,364 posts, read 20,755,761 times
Reputation: 15643
Hun, you deserve better than this. It sounds like your wife is addicted to crazy relationships and then she comes running back to you for comfort when things don't work out. Yeah, you know what you gotta do but it's hard. You can do it.
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Old 07-28-2010, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Iowa, Heartland of Murica
3,425 posts, read 6,298,008 times
Reputation: 3446
What a freaking mess! I think you should go to therapy! I do not believe in gay marriage but I respect peoples rights to do whatever they want, please, do the world a favor and do not involve any children in this mess! Have you ever thought about maybe finding a man and letting go of this homosexual lifestyle?

The going to prison bit also makes me think that you have a lot of things that need to be addressed in therapy, probably some psychological problems? I am not trying to judge but it is obvious that something is very messed up here!!
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Old 07-28-2010, 09:57 PM
 
Location: The OC
44 posts, read 73,640 times
Reputation: 47
I understand that when you post something on one of these sites, you open the gateway to other peoples opinions. Me being with a man or a woman has nothing to do with it. I could of been in this situation with either one. Because yes it does boil down to my own insecurities and the need to hold to something that is dead. I appreciate everyones opinion, and taken something out of each post. I know what I have to do. But if I didnt feel any pain or hurt after 13 years with this person, I didnt love her in the first place. I am going to be better than okay. I just needed to hear other peoples opinion. Because sometimes it helps to hear outsiders say "What the f---, are you doing"? Today I am doing me, and it feels great.
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Old 07-29-2010, 07:01 AM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,364 posts, read 20,755,761 times
Reputation: 15643
Quote:
Originally Posted by Repubocrat View Post
Have you ever thought about maybe finding a man and letting go of this homosexual lifestyle?
That has a splendid history of working out really well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CRAZYSEXYCOOL View Post
I understand that when you post something on one of these sites, you open the gateway to other peoples opinions. Me being with a man or a woman has nothing to do with it. I could of been in this situation with either one. Because yes it does boil down to my own insecurities and the need to hold to something that is dead. I appreciate everyones opinion, and taken something out of each post. I know what I have to do. But if I didnt feel any pain or hurt after 13 years with this person, I didnt love her in the first place. I am going to be better than okay. I just needed to hear other peoples opinion. Because sometimes it helps to hear outsiders say "What the f---, are you doing"? Today I am doing me, and it feels great.
I'm glad things are looking up. The good days will start to outweigh the bad, and then there's always something that will hit you when you're feeling better, but hold firm.
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