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Let's start with overweight. There is more than one reason why someone is overweight. Does he have a medical condition or does his medical condition consists of heavily relying on donuts?
It's very important for me to see that a man takes care of his health or at least trying and sometimes eating right doesn't always go hand in hand with weight loss, some are more predisposed to being overweight than others. My husband has always been slim and fit, but I know someone who follows the same eating habits and yet cannot lose weight for the life of him. It's not the extra weight that I mind, it's the bad eating habits. If I was to see that a man is really trying to improve his eating habits, hell yeah I would have given him another chance.
Smoking is more complicated. It's a very difficult addiction to break. I would have to be completely head over heels over a man to overlook that and he would be forbidden to smoke around me. The chances of him quitting would be very slim, let's be honest.
Overall it comes down to what other good qualities this person possesses that would overshadow some of the negative aspects I dislike.
That's a good point. There's a difference between "dieting" and actually changing one's habits and lifestyle.
Let's say you meet someone you really like, but they have one of your dealbreakers (overweight, smoking, etc). If they were working on it and trying to improve themselves (and their health), would you give them a chance?
Of course. My boyfriend is a little on the chunky side, he works out. And he quit smoking. So Im happy for him..He has lost weight and I can see his confidence coming more out..
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
Some of the overweight girls can be gems. I'd rather groom my girlfriend to perfection rather than look for a perfect one that does not exist. Evolution is natural. The idiots looking for unnatural entities are those serial daters who eventually become beta manlets and grumpy middle aged males who whine that their perfect ex found someone else more perfect.
Very insiteful for one so young, grasshopper. I know a few here who could learn from you.
I do take exception to your idea of "grooming my girlfriend to perfection" as you put it. That assumes she is something to be molded to your idea of perfection. What if she doesn't like being molded, or regresses after being molded, perhaps because she's been treated as a fixer upper rather than appreciated for herself?
I was talking semantically. I am not a perfection freak. My idea of perfection is not Alessandro ambrosio or Miranda Kerr. I wear the best clothes on the planet. In my last office, they recently polled me as the best dressed corporate rat. I spend so much even on my dress boots and cuff links.
I'd like the missus to do the same for herself so she can feel great for herself, for example. I like that feeling of being well dressed, feeling healthy and very active. It energizes me and makes me the achiever in life. It all transpires down to self esteem and social respect. The logic is that if we do activities together, she gets healthier, looks great and if you know this, working out is the biggest mind resetter ever. It gives a human fresh perspective on life every day. It clears stress, anger and aggravation. One walks out of the gym with a feeling of achieving something. It's a habit.
But that does not mean I will force the girlfriend or keep insisting on it. I have been a silent inspirer for people all my life. Countless amount of my cousins tell their parents that they want be like me. I have that effect on people.
This is to the OP, not the two having an arguement. Yes, I would give a guy a chance, if he was trying to change. I agree with some of the other posters on here when they say smoking would be the harder one to deal with. Someone overweight might be the one that I would connect with, and I don't think that would bother me as long as he wasn't obese. I am very active, and I would want someone to be active with me. Maybe that would help him get in shape. Smoking, on the other hand, is something I can't be around. I have seasonal asthma, and cigarette somke triggers it any time of the year. So, for my health smoking would have to be a deal breaker. Just the smell of it on someone's clothes bothers me.
I couldn't do it. I once dated a guy who said he was in the process of quitting smoking, but he was always buying cigarettes. I got annoyed and finally had enough.
It can be a burden on your emotional and physical well-being if you begin dating someone with a deal-breaker habit and are forced to put up with it because they aren't doing anything to overcome it, despite what they might say.
yup, i've decided that "moulding" my significant other is pretty much going to end the relationship.
no one wants to change, even if they say they do. i am, personally, constantly changing. i've always appreciated input from other people about how they live their life, what they do, how they do it.
it gives me insight into how to tweak my life to get the most out of it.
so now i have a strict set of rules i quietly stick too. i ensure the person is progressing in their own personal way, i make sure that person lives honestly, (you can be an honest drug dealer) and that they physically and mentally take care of themselves. this can be done in MANY ways.
so far its been difficult because most people who have their head together in that way are older than me, and don't do the physically fit thing, but they are still lovable characters that make great friends.
I don't have many deal breakers because I realize no one is perfect. However, the ones I do have will not be compromised for anyone. As much as I would like to think I could give someone the opportunity to "work on it", I can't. After all, they wouldn't be dealbreakers.
All things being equal, I think even the biggest sticklers will be forgiving of some variance (specifically weight) when someone grabs their interest.
I do think that it would probably also depend on where they are in the process. Someone just talking about changing or just beginning to take the steps towards change may fail, possibly regress and get worse. Someone who has proven that they are well into that process and committed to continuing it, is someone to be admired and worthy of a chance.
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